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I really wish i could be so "zen" about waiting. i'm at a point where i feel angry with him for postponing the rest of our lives! he has plenty of money for a ring, plenty of money for a wedding... i want to be his wife so badly because he's my perfect match. and if he would just propose(he says he's ready and will propose within 5 months) we could start planning the wedding and be married within a few months! he says he just really wants to surprise me and make it special. he's already had plenty of chances since we first talked about it... ugh it's so hard waiting... so i basically feel like he's postponing the rest of our lives for no good reason. thats where i'm at!
i moved into the excited/content stage in january. i'm pretty sure this month is it,and today i was told by my SO that he 'bought something that isn't for valentine's day' (he went ring shopping about two weeks ago and told me he found something but was waiting a little bit before making the purchase to make sure he didnt buy the first thing he found). sooo i'm pretty sure that that's what he was talking about.
once i got over the resentment i found we have gotten along a lot better and have really been enjoying ourselves. it's an exciting time and i feel like since i dropped my resentment towards him, i am feeling like i used to when we first met - we have a lot of fun with no pressure, just enjoying each other! waiting and getting information out of them is so hard, especially when you dont always get answers you want, so it was a welcome change to calm down and know it is coming without all the pressure of 'when when when'. once you know there is an end in sight, it feels so good! hopefully you dont' have to wait until the very end of the year and it comes sooner. :)
I'm in the excitement/contentment stage, but it took a few weeks of horrible thing after horrible thing happening for me to get there. (Job loss, infidelity within his family, death...) Now, I'm just sort of chill. We know we're going to spend the rest of our lives together and can get through anything. And I'm happy with that.
@Impatiently waiting: Have you talked about a timeline? For me that conversation, even though it wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear, helped me to calm down quite a bit. I'm the kind of person that HATES surprises so having a general idea of when it will happen helped a lot!
@soyjoy222: So exciting that you think he has the ring!! I know that my bf will give me no hints at all since he knows I'm nosy as hell. We're both TERRIBLE at keeping secrets (even about stupid things) but I bet he'll try extra hard for this.
@FlutterbyBee: So sorry to hear about all your hardships together, but I bet it really has brought the two of you closer. Good luck getting through it all!
@helenberrycrunch: Haha! I'm really trying to take the words of caution form my friends as well as some bees and hive members about how they wish they'd let things play out and allowed their fiances to do things in their own time.
@kirabee: I had @helenberrycrunch:'s stages towards the end of my waiting. I agree with the observations of your friends and fellow bees. I was cracking jokes and getting antsy with him quite a bit with a few crying discussions mixed in (it had been 6+ years, but we started dating in high school so I gave him some leeway). But still, I was even being a Mega-B to him the night before!
We laugh about it now, but I wish I could have just calmed down and let it ride. It will suck sometimes, but come vent to the hive (I wish I had y'all during my waiting, Mr.ND probably does too, lol). I think he enjoyed proposing 95%, but it would have been 100% had I not been waaaaaaiiiiting for it so hard. I'm so glad you're in a good place right now with waiting, I hope that you can remember these feelings and all the good reasons if you start to get impatient. I do wish I'd toned it down a bit, but really, I was in @helenberrycrunch:'s stages, lol.
helenberrycrunch: Deep down I know those were my stages for a while but I really would like to pretend it didn't happen :)
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So I think most of us waiting bees are familiar with what we call the "Waiting Cycle." (Follow the link if you're not sure.) I joined the 'Bee a little over a year ago and I definitely went through a few stages: excitement, urgency, OBSESSION (with all things wedding), annoyance (of everyone around me because I wouldn't stop talking about weddings), for many, many months. Then I started to feel a little burnt out. The weddings started to look the same. I was sick of all the photo booths and candy buffets and awesome multi-colored shoes. The boyfriend and I talk about our future often and I knew it was going to happen, but I'm sure I was making him crazy. I was sick of hearing myself talk about it! So I stepped back from the wedding blogs and shut up about it. I still posted on the boards occasionally but moved mostly to the NWR threads. I even grinned when a coworker got engaged with what was basically my dream ring.
Within the past couple weeks, we went through some pretty serious stuff (with his parents), and it was (and is) SO hard, but I really feel like it's brought us so much closer. We supported each other and communicated and (essentially) solved the problem together.
So since then, I've been having some unusual feelings: excitement AND contentment. I know a proposal will be coming soon[ish] (before the end of this year) and I'm happy about it! I know this probably sounds stupid to a lot of people but I'm sure you waiting bees can relate. It feels really nice to be enjoying my time living with my boyfriend and actually enjoying each other's company (instead of resenting each other).
So hopefully I don't sound super lame for posting this whole thing but basically, let's talk! Where are you in your waiting cycle right now? Let's be supportive and help each other get to the new and improved excitement/contentment phase!