Post # 1
So, Ill be getting Married in May and this is about the time I should be sending invites to my guests. But My FI and I decided to do a very low key intimate ceremony with just our parents and siblings.
I have my friends on facebook constantly asking me questions about the wedding, and telling me they’ll be available in May, and asking me when do they need to take off etc…
I need to break the news to a few and tell they arent invited, and I dont know how.
I hate to come off rude but what is the ettiquette when telling people you appreciate them wanting to join you but you’ve decided to go another direction.
I kind of want to send them a mass email to the people I would have liked to be in the Wedding explaining the new details, but I dont even know how to word it.
Is is rude to send an email? or should I call? or maybe send indivisual emails?
Ugh Im torn.
Post # 3
Half way into our planning we cut our guestlist in HALF… going down to immediate family and close friends only.
I sent an email to 2 aunts & 1 cousin that we had to go down to immediate family b/c we just couldn’t accomodate everyone.
We then had our parents pass the info along to their families…. (for some this still didn’t go over well)
As for friends I’d just send the 1 email….to the ones that have specifically asked only. This is how I dealt with our friends. We are REALLY involved in the Young Adult Ministry at our church so as soon as the news went out we had 100 people just there asking about details… I’ve even seen “friends” (people that I’m not that close to) pretty much invited themselves… I just told them it was small, immediate family & a hand ful of others…
Everyone’s taken it pretty well, and those that didn’t I’m realizing that it wouldn’t matter HOW I told them they’d still be throwing a fit… lol
Post # 4
If you haven’t talked about inviting them yet, you can go the simple route and tell them that your wedding will be small or mostly family or you’re not sure if your budget can accomodate them.
Post # 5
Ive been so mum about the wedding details. I feel like why should I share anything if Im not invting almost anyone, but people were so damn curious!
Now the days are slowly creeping up and I havent mentioned my plans about a small wedding.
So I guess email route is the best way to go?
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2011 - The Royal Park Hotel
So sorry you’re going through this! 🙁 I think many of us have been in your shoes, and it’s a tough situation. Without knowing how many people you have to break the news to, I tend to stray away from sending mass e-mails. It’s definitely faster, but depending on your relationship with the person they could view it as very impersonal? Good luck!
Post # 7
I wouldn’t send a mass email. Unless you have told someone they are invited and now they are not, I think you are OK. As if comes up and people ask, I would just say we have decided on a very small wedding. I’m considering this right now myself.
Post # 8
I would privately respond to the ones that specifically ask you for more info and/or are hinting at being invited and tell them “We’ve decided to have a very intimate ceremony for family only.” And then throw in other general chit-chat about their life.
I wouldn’t even say “We would love for you to be there, but …..” because then that opens doors for them offering to pay for themselves to come, bringing up how they’ve been in your life for years and are just like a sister to you anyway, etc… Keep it a short and sweet one-liner.
Post # 9
Thanks for the advice ladies!
I sent some indivisual emails out, and about 95% of them were totally understanding, and I got a couple that seemed a little miffed.
But you know what, I cant control people reations, Im not coming from a Malicious place.
It is nice that so many people would like to see me get hitched.
Post # 10
For the past few months I have been copying and pasting an array of canned responses. We will have under 100 people attending our wedding, which is small for NJ. This line might help ya out.
“We’re having a simple wedding with family and a few friends, Your best wishes is all I can wish or hope for, and you have already given us that!”
Post # 11
if this is a facebook thing, i’d go for a simple status update like
it is so frustrating planning such a small wedding, i wish we had the $$ tojust invite everyone– oh well… 10 year anniversary party, anyone?
can’t wait to have her small family wedding!
or something similar but more your style
a lot of times people making these assumptions don’t actually TALK to you, they just follow your facebook and bug you there
(i’m having the same issues!)
the individual email route works best for people who have sought you out. looks like that’s working for you so far. good job 🙂
Post # 12
@Ugoob: I don’t think you owe it to anyone to tell them they aren’t invited. If you feel badly about it, make a status update on Facebook and say, FI and I are having a small wedding with close family only.
You dont really need to explain yourself. People will get over it. It’s your wedding!