breaking up and getting back together in the future

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Done it… wouldn’t recommend it. Typically it’s best to just move on!

Post # 3
Member
1969 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’ve done it.  I actually made a thread about it a couple months ago (I would link it, but I’m to irritated with the new sight layout to bother).  We were apart for several months, and remained friends.  We saw other people, and eventually got back to together, and we have been living happily ever after for the past 2.5 years.  We are that delusional couple who likes to pretend like the breakup never happened though.  

Post # 4
Member
1437 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I have, but we didn’t go on a “break”…we really broke up. At our year and a half point, we broke up for two months due to commitment issues on his end (basically, he didn’t want to get married and that was that – wouldn’t even entertain the notion of “eventually.” I figured it was wise to cut my losses). I was devastated and it was easily the most difficult break-up I’ve gone through. I cut him out of my life completely and had no intention of getting back together with him because he seemed convinced (and had convinced me) that he wouldn’t/couldn’t change.

About two months after the break up he began initiating contact with me again – much of which I ignored at first because I had adopted the “no contact” philosophy in moving on. However through his continued communication it became apparent that he truly had changed. We got back together and got engaged about 8 months later.

However, I think my situation is extremely rare. I am opposed to “breaks” in general and I did not consider what he and I went through a “break.” I thought and behaved as though I was never going to see him again, because that was what I expected to happen.

Post # 6
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I know you asked for people who have done this successfully, but I did it and like PP I wouldn’t recommend it.

I got in a cycle with my ex that we would break up, not talk for a month or so, start talking again and then we would get back together. Things would be great for awhile, and then all of a sudden s**t would hit the fan and we would break up again.

Sometimes it can work. I know people who have successfully been apart and gotten back together later in life. My advice to you would be to make sure you are being honest with yourself about the reasons you broke up in the first place and whether or not you think that these are issues you guys can work out.

Best of luck to you.

Post # 7
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

laurenelizaberry:  The last time I did this was in grade 10. My bf dumped me then asked me to get back together like a week later. We laster for about 2 months after that (I think… can’t remember that far back). Then he dumped me again, then came to my friend’s house sobbing and asking me to be his gf again. I said uhh I fell for this once, so no.

Once, my friend and her ex took a “break” for a week and then acted like it changed their whole relationships. It didn’t… they should’ve just stayed broken up since they eventually broke up anyway.

I always told my FI that if he wanted a “break” it would be forever. I think breaks are useless, either you can work problems out together or you can’t, and either you want to be with the person or you don’t.

Post # 8
Member
4072 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

DH and I broke up after maybe 6 months together? It was almost exactly three years ago actually. The long distance was just too tough, and I felt like I couldn’t do it and we weren’t going anywhere. I tried to keep contact at a minimum for a month, but then I couldn’t help but talk to him, as he had become one of my best friends. We resolved the uneasiness and came back strong. We never got close to that point again, and it feels crazy to think that it ever happened!

It can work out, definitely. I’d bet things work out more often when the split is due more to circumstances, as was our case, rather than being incompatible with the person.

Post # 9
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I broke up with SO about 1.5 years into our relationship. We were living together. The hardest thing I have ever done was help him pack up his stuff. We were both working nights, the honeymoon phase was ending, I felt taken for granted, and I wasn’t sure if he loved me (the L word did not come easily to him, and I needed to hear it). There wasn’t any fighting. We just weren’t getting much time with each other, and I was afraid of investing more time and getting my heart broken.

We were in contact for the month we were apart, but it was platonic and adult – more to do with his remaining things and reorganizing our lives than romantic conversations. Neither of us dated anybody else in that time frame.

We were both a mess. I know it’s normal to be a mess after a breakup, but I realized that I didn’t want anyone else but him. I also read the Five Love Languages shortly after and realized he showed his love through acts of service.

I went to him, told him I was miserable, and he immediately accepted me back with no questions asked or big discussion. We’ve since been together for another 6.5 years. I am feeling pretty certain that I will have something sparkly on my finger by the end of today as well. : )

Also, I did get my verbal needs met. It took a few years, but he made that effort for me. He tells me he loves me and many other things constantly now. We are also careful about taking each other for granted. There has never been a day where I regretted getting back together with him. He does not like to talk about the time we spent apart. I believe he was deeply hurt by it. That I do regret.

Post # 10
Member
2057 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

My SO and I broke up twice. 3rd time was the charm and we’ve been together over 6 years since.

Each relationship is different. There are often reasons why things worked/didn’t work.

We worked together, so there was no avoiding each other. We had communication problems; I was always hyper-analyzing (CRAZY) and had difficulties trusting any guys after my first boyfriend. He was afraid to commit as a previous long-term girlfriend cheated on him with his brother.

Since we shared a similar passion for music, we’d play music together. We still argue about this: he thought those were dates. I thought those were just jam sessions as friends!

Anyway, yes, it can happen being good in the end if you know what you’re getting yourself into. I was by no means giving up my life. I was seeing other guys on coffee dates while we were both unsure about each other.

Post # 11
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

My husband did that in the relationship he was in before us….  And you can see how well that worked out. 😉

 

Post # 12
Member
8903 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

This rarely works… there are SO many circumstances that can get in the way.

However, it did work for my now-husband and me.  We fell head over heels in love at age 17/19 when I was just graduating HS and he was 1 year into college, after being close friends for years.  Spent a few blissful months together and then forced ourselves to break up, as we were going to college on opposite coasts and are very independent people.  We stayed in touch but dated other people.  But on school breaks for the next couple years, it was obvious that we were still very much in love.  Got back together and did a LDR for a couple years – and actually had a somewhat open relationship, where we could get drunk and hook up with someone on occasion without needing to break up.  (It wasn’t encouraged, but college is college.)  He lived with me during my last year of college, and we’ve shared a life ever since (now 31 and 33).

I think the key to making it work is WHY you’re breaking up.  Are you falling out of love?  Then I doubt you’ll come back together.  Are circumstances preventing your relationship from happening, but you’re still very much committed to each other?  Better odds.

Post # 13
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

laurenelizaberry:  We did this. I broke up with him because of commitment issues (we had been together 5 years at the time, and he did not want to get married) and communication problems. We stayed spilt for about 8 months. I dated someone else during that time but he didn’t. We stayed friends and eventually started dating again. He had to prove to me that he had changed, so it took some time, but I can honestly say we’ve never been better. We communicate better, we’re happier, and we’re getting married. I’ve heard this isn’t the norm though.

Post # 15
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

 

laurenelizaberry:  After 4 years together we broke up. Basically he had just left the Army with mild PTSD and started college. Added onto that stress he felt like he was tying himself down too early in life – understandable we were 16 and 18 when we got together and this was at 20 and 22. He broke up with me.

So we were apart for about 8 months, we saw other people and cut off all contact with each other for the most part. We were both devastated without each other and no one we dated compared to one another. We both realized we were incredibly unhappy without each other and it was hard to fill that happiness with anything else (trust me I tried – alcohol, a dog, a motorcylce, a tattoo, one night stands, actual dates…). And we got back together.

Now another 4 years later we’re engaged 🙂 and we couldn’t be happier!

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