- 6 years ago
I was a regular bee for a very long time. 2 weeks ago, I left my live-in boyfriend of 2.5 years. I am 25, he’s 29.
I have finally admitted to myself that I was more excited about the idea of marriage than of him. I am so thankful I grew and became mature enough to realize this. We talked about marriage very early on. So that’s all I could think about. I feel like I looked over a lot of things and brushed them off as things I could settle for.. when in the end I couldn’t. I mean.. he was a great guy. Did a lot of things for me.. Would have been an amazing father.. But we argued a lot. And I just wasn’t getting what I truly needed from him.. So I left. He is DEVASTAED. I feel so awful, bees. So so awful. But I begged and pleaded with him for the past year to give me what I needed… and it just didn’t happen.
I feel in my bones this is right for me and I feel happier, more positive than I have in a long, long time. Probably ever. I have known it wasn’t right for at least 6 months.. I just could not bear to walk away because things between ex and I were never super terrible. But I finally feel like I am being honest with myself and that feels good.
So what finally broke the straw on the camel’s back was an argument in mid November that got a little physical. It changed me and the way I felt.. a lot. I was honest with him at that point, and told him I was leaving, but he talked me into staying.
2 nights after said fight, I went to happy hour with a few co-wokers .. chatted with one of the guys for awhile, one on one.. soley as friends.
2 weeks passed, and I decided after much self-introspection and thought that I just couldn’t do it. We weren’t right for each other, as much as I hated to admit it. Co-worker (cw) from happy hour and I had been e-mailing a little bit. Nothing wrong or bad, just casual conversation here and there, like hey what’s up, how’s your day… (trying to make new friends since most of mine here are ex’s).
I realized I wanted to leave on a Sunday. I asked cw to have a drink with me on a Monday. We talked, very openly.. and I told him what I was going through with ex. We had an amazing, candid, honest conversation. The next day, I completely broke it off with ex.
The break up with ex and drink with cw was 3 weeks ago. Since about 2 weeks ago, co-woker and I have been hanging out and talking a lot more. We are just ‘getting’ each other. I enjoy my time with him a lot. I just feel open and candid… and most of all just like myself with him. It just feels like positive energy. It’s felt negative me for with ex for so long :/ I just didn’t want to admit it.
New guy seems to ‘get’ or ‘understand’ me and how my mind works. Whch is huge for me, because I feel misunderstood a lot of the time. He actually wants to know me. He is extremely inteligent, confident, random, and I can have wonderful, satisfying conversation with him. He’s successful at a very young age (28). He keeps me on my toes, always thinking. I love that. His sense of humor is like mine. He gives me sincere compliments.. they are and thoughtful. He’s an extrovert and I’m an introvert, but I see where we can get a mutual benefit from that. He requires his time socializing, I require my time alone. I have been really thinking alot about him and I…. and if it’s worth pursuing. Or are we just having fun?
Sigh, bees. I don’t know what to do. I can’t start something with co-woker this early, can I? That is SO taboo and too soon….. Do I need time to mourn something I am not too sad about? This break up for me was a more positive thing :/