- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2011
Hi Bees, I need your help. This is going to be the longest post ever so please bear with me here. I hope to present to you a truthful depiction of the situation (as unbiased as I can be) so you can give me accurate advice and share your opinions. I’m posting under an alias, but I’m a regular here on WB. I’ve written you a book…presented in two parts:
I moved to Chicago a little more than a year ago from GA. While I was living in GA, I worked a part-time retail job for the clothing discount. I befriended several people during my first year there. Sometime during my last year there (before my move to Chicago) another female employee came on board and wiggled her way into my life. Lets just call her Jane. Well, Jane is the complete opposite of me. I am shy and quiet when people first meet me. I get extremely nervous in public situations and being center of attention (so nervous about walking down the aisle in front of everyone). Jane on the other hand is loud, somewhat obnoxious, and likes being on stage (she still participates in theater). Not sure if this is important to my situation, but she is on ADHD meds as well as some type of heavy anti-depressant.
We hung out a few times in group situations. At one party, I brought my boyfriend (now FI). Jane’s husband, John, got into a fist fight with his brother in the kitchen. My FI decided we were leaving at this point. I also babysat for her two times while she had to work another job (she had two) and she paid me. Another time, I hung out at her house with another co-worker while her husband and children were out of town. She asked us to stay overnight with her, and we did. The next day, while leaving her house, I was in a car accident when someone ran a red light. This was a week before I was moving out of state. My car was in the shop and would not be ready until after I moved (FI already moved to start his new job in Chicago…the reason for our move). She offered to drive me to the apartment and help me pack. I know right now you are probably thinking, “what’s the problem” and I completely understand. There was no problem at the time. She was just a co-worker, and we were friendly. Her helping me pack was the only time we’d ever done anything outside of work on our own together. I guess what I am trying to convey to you is that we were not best of friends, did not talk on the phone, and–besides our common job–didn’t have much in common. She is married with two young children, and I was simply dating my boyfriend and moving to be with him.
Flash forward to Chicago. I really thought our friendship would fizzle since I never felt that close friend chemistry with her. But Jane had my cell number and was a friend on Facebook. She kept in touch, and then came the big doozie (and it’s ultimately my fault). She knew my car was still in GA, and once the repairs were done, I’d have to fly down and drive my car up to Chicago. I’d already made the trip with FI’s car, so it wasn’t a big deal to me. However, she insisted that she drive it up for me. Jane said her husband “owed” her a weekend away from him and the kids, and she’d never been to Chicago before. I have a hard time being assertive, saying no, and standing my ground, especially with people who have overbearing personalities like Jane. I should have said no, but she made it seem like I was doing her a big favor, so I said yes. Of course, she stayed with us for a weekend, we paid for all of her meals, and I purchased her plane ticket home. She ended up leaving a day early to go to an audition with was fine with me.
Jane continued to keep in touch from time to time on Facebook, possibly even with an occasional phone call, I can’t really remember. But, what I do remember is that she initiated all contact. I was simply responding to her out of guilt. Jane constantly reminded me that she “drove 12 hours” and was the first person to stay in our apartment. It’s not like we live in the Taj Mahal…it’s an apartment! And I NEVER asked her to drive my car up. She suggested it, and even when I said no, she insisted and I gave into her. During her stay, she helped me put together a table from Ikea. On Facebook, I had posted pics of our new place. Jane seriously requested that I give her credit for helping put the table together. Being the pushover that I am, I changed my photo comment to reflect this.