(Closed) Breakthrough… maybe…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

oh YAY! I often think about you and your situation because I can only imagine how hard it is! I don’t know if I would be strong enough to deal with it to be honest.

I don’t have any advice but wish that it all works out!!!

Post # 4
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Don’t do anything, let more information come to you about her true intentions.  If she is really ready to move on and have a relationship with you, she will make some kind of effort or mention it again.  You’ve opened up to her too many times to do it again.

Good luck, this woman sounds like a very difficult person who enjoys hardships in her life.

Post # 6
Member
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

One of my students is Indian, and her parents disowned her when she married her white husband.  It took a couple of years, but now that they have a baby, they are slowly getting closer to her parents.  My advice would be to go on living your life and keeping an open place in your head/heart for her, but don’t make any advances just yet.  It would be too painful for you if they were rejected.  (((hug)))

Post # 10
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Yay for baby steps!!

Go slow and have very low expectations.  Your FMIL sounds like she has a really hard time letting go and probably will never fully let go.  That said, just her being open to you being with him IS huge.  I can only imagine how difficult this has been for your FI.

I wouldn’t put it past her to say nasty to things to FI about you (hoping he’ll change his mind and break things off).  That said:  I think it would be a good idea to talk to FI about how to handle this stuff.  Meaning, I think if FI typically defends your relationship – then you need to trust him to do that and I’d take it a step further to not want to hear about it afterwards (unless FI needs to talk about it).  You know what I mean?

I will guarantee you that FMIL didn’t realize that you two would go to such extremes and that’s why she’s coming around now.  It’s classic tough love and I just hope that you and FI have the resolve to tighten the reigns, when she pulls something else that’s unacceptable.  Hopefully you won’t have to go through too many rounds of the type of abuse you were exposed to prior. 

Post # 12
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@MrsNeutrino: I’m South Asian, so I get the overbearing mother when it comes to her sons… especially if FI is her first-born. πŸ˜‰  Hang in there girl!  Kudos to you for being excited for FI.  I’m sure he appreciates that more than you know.  Many SA mom’s I know have a bit of  a turn when their son gets married (but still carry a chip) and then have a complete turn when the first child is born.  I didn’t read the post you linked, but I remember a post where you wrote about how she’d never treat your daughter as her own grandchild and I could totally see that to be the case.  It’s the saddest thing.  I don’t know what it is culturally that makes them block-out ‘non-blood’ relatives… but there is something deeply engrained and they seem to treat them as ‘less-than’.

Post # 14
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

Well, I’m glad things are starting  to look hopeful.

Me personally, I don’t believe in having to work that damn hard to get people to be civil towards me or to be decent human beings. I wouldn’t have dealt with her. I am glad that things may be looking better, but a large part of me would be rather bitter and I would think to myself “Oh.. well that’s great after all this BS you’ve decided your son deserves to be happy. Mommy of the year award for you!”  <— sarcasm.

Keep us updated.

 

Post # 16
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

@MrsNeutrino: That’s really mature of you I think. I know if my SO even liked his mother, I would have to find a way to be the bigger person as well. However, he doesn’t even like her and she brings no kind of enrichment to his life at all so he’s not really missing much by not seeing her.

I’m sure you FI really appreciates that you handle this so well. No man wants to be in the position your FI is in, and guys are probably baffled as to why the two women in their lives just can’t get along. He’s very lucky to have such support from you and he can look forward to a happy marriage as long as he reciprocates. πŸ™‚

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