Breakup before engagement or marriage?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

We broke up for about 6 months 4 years into our relationship. 3 years later we are now happily married.

We met young, neither of us really expected to meet and get married young, but the relationship was great. We did have some communication issues, and decided amicably to break up. It felt like our choice was either to break up or to get married and neither of us was ready to be married. We didn’t frame it as a break, or that we would get back together, but as we both loved each other and needed to work on ourselves. It was one of the best things we could of done. We really just fell into our relationship at age 18/20, so to choose to get back together was good for us. We went to a couple counsellor for a few months after we got back together and 3 years later are happier than ever. 

Post # 3
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

My fiance was my boyfriend for a few years. I got tired of waiting. I broke it off. We were apart for a couple of months (I think went through my birthday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas), but texted some. On New Year’s Eve I went to a friend’s house for a party and spent the night over there. A friend of her husband’s stayed over (in another room) and they were clearly trying to set us up, but I was having none of it and we ended up texting and it was clear we missed each other. Neither of us dated at all while apart. Anyway, we got back together. A year little over a year later we got engaged. We get married in three weeks. My parents were together for over thirty years and they broke off an engagement for a few months before getting back together and staying together until my dad passed away. Sometimes it works out.

Post # 4
1648 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

We had a 4-month split about 3 years into our relationship.

We’d been dating exclusively for the duration of our time together and I wanted to move our relationship forward (introduce him to my family, vice-versa, move in together, etc.)  He was still holding on to some baggage from his past and was on a 4 year plan to get it all wrapped up. I didn’t want to wait 4 more years to move forward with him (after we’d agreed that we both wanted this to be long-term, exclusive, and ultimately lead to marriage).

So I ended it and told him that I loved him but that his timeline was not working for me. I wanted the whole package and he was holding back. My reasoning was that if he was the right person for me, he’d make those changes in his life and we’d get back together. Or if he didn’t make those changes then he wasn’t the right person for me and I’d find someone who was right for me. 

Deep down, I knew he was the one and that it was a matter of him straightening out some things on a mutually-acceptable timeline. We got back together after 4 months of minimal contact (1 phone call and 2 or 3 texts). The following year we got a house together, one year later we got engaged, one year later we got married. We just celebrated our 2 year anniversary last month. 

Post # 5
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

My FI and I were in an LDR when I was 17 and he was 15 back in 2004. Things were great until he cheated on me, but it kind of was to be expected especially since when it ended, he was 16 and I’m sure hormones were all over the place at that point during his life. Throughout the years, we had a little bit of contact. Nothing too crazy. Just a few random phone calls.

We reconnected back in 2011 when I was on a break with my ex. I wound up ending the break and getting back together with my FI. He proposed to me that September. So pretty much, we were separated for almost 7 years.

Post # 6
5812 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

jls307k:  We had a little hiccup after our first date–he didn’t feel that way about me, even though I was totally smitten. A month later (and many phone calls from him as a “friend”, this coming from a guy who isn’t a phone guy) we went out again. We became serious, but 4 months later he broke it off again. 

I was totally into him, and he wasnt sure. I was unemployed and spent waaaayyyy too much of my time sending him “interestiing” articles. He was just feeling too much pressure. 

So we broke up, but he still wanted to be friends. During that time I waited for him to contact me and I waited 24 hours before responding. I kept all emails, texts and phone calls short (less than 20 mins). When we hung out I kept physical touch to just a hello/bye hug. When we were together I never talked about US. I never disected what happened. I was just happiness and light (well I tried, he did find me crying in my car after we went to lunch together). 

But he needed that space and I gave it to him. I’ve heard that it takes 8 weeks for a guy to realize he misses you and want you back. If it takes longer than 8 weeks, move on. 

So one month later, he was begging me to kiss him. I told him not unless we got back together and I held my ground LOL–yeah we got back together. A year later we were engaged and 23 months from our first date (the one where he didnt feel anything), we were married. 

PS- we got married at 40 and 41

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  KoiKove.
Post # 7
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

jls307k:  We didn’t end up getting married– BUT we had been together for about 2.5 years, broke up for 5+months, and then slowly started “dating” again- as if it were a new relationship.

We broke up because we were in our early twenties.  It wasn’t spontaneous- meaning there was no argument that lead to the break-up.  He needed to to have some space and figure some things out.

I honestly wasn’t sure if we would end up getting back together- I really hoped so for the first few months, and while I still wanted it after the first few months- I tried to ground myself and prepared for it to never happen.

We both ended up seeing other people- whih only made us realize that there qualities within eachother that we both missed and wanted.

Around the 5 month mark, we had coffee.  Which eventually turned into a night of chess, and then dinner.  We very slowly started to date again, and got back together for another 2.5-3 years.  Our relationship was better than ever.  We were both able to accept that we had dated other people, appreciated eachother much more.

Eventually, he turned out to be the guy who never wanted to get married (was still affected by his parents divorce years later), and I decided to move on.  He’s still not married to this day.


I know you wanted stories of people who later got married, and mine doesn’t exactly fit the critiera- I posted anyway- having spilt for a long period and getting back together for quite a while– having a much more solid relationship than we did before we broke up.  I do believe it happens, it’s just not the “norm” if you will.

Post # 8
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June, 2014

We broke up a couple times in our relationship. The first time it wasn’t really a break up since we weren’t really “dating”. His crazy ex (who was actually his ex at the time too) said if she caught him talking to me again she’d take his kid away. A few months of no contact from him, and she did it anyway. I was the first person he called. 

The second time was when we were actually dating and the baggage of his ex and kid leaving and I was having a hard time trusting myself in a decent relationship after being in so many bad ones. We pushed each other away. I thought I was doing okay until I went to Target with a friend and saw a movie on the rack that brought everything flooding back. It was the first one we’d watched together at his apartment and it was one that he said he’d always related deeply with. I shot him a text message for the first time in a month and said I saw that movie and it made me think of him. We both apologized and has a heart to heart about what had happened. We got back together that night and that weekend he told me he wanted to marry me. 


Post # 9
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

We dated first over ten years ago and it was too much too soon. We moved to different cities, dated a lot of people, and eventually ended up back together. He was pretty mad at me  for a few years for breaking it off, but we really needed that time to explore ourselves. When we got back together about eight years later, we were very different people from the first time around. We were also much more cautious with our hearts, and our first year together was very careful, and pretty slow, and pretty tumultuous. By the second year, we were ready to keep moving forward, so we moved in together. That made all the difference for me, and solidified my feelings. We got engaged two years later, and married in May. Life has been really good, and I’m very glad that we took time apart. For what it’s worth, we broke up for one day during our first year back together, and that ended up being much more damaging than our eight year break. Our relationship was weakend or strengthened by where we were personally. I don’t think a break up has to be forever, unless the people were extremely horrible to each other during the hiatus.

Post # 10
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My ex and I took a break/moved out with the intention of getting back together and getting engaged.  We actually had a 6 month time frame.  A couple months into it he confessed that marriage just wasn’t for him and he was trying to get on board, but mostly just in word so that I would stay interested.  

Thank goodness I didn’t waste another minute trying to fix that awful, broken situation.  In reality, I had known all along it wasn’t going to work, but cutting off ties to him was scary.  He was so needy and I felt so badly not being a support system for him anymore.  He tried pretty hard to manipulate me back into his perpetual casual girlfriend role.  He missed me.  He didn’t have anyone he could talk to like he talked to me.  He was lonely.  He’d try harder to become the marrying type.

Mere weeks after I was done with my ex, I met my now fiance.  The contrast is so amazing.  My fiance couldn’t wait to commit.  There was no waiting, no excuses, no “maybe we’ll think about marriage when I get a new job/feel more ready/have more money”.  He made up his mind early that I was the one and proposed a year after we started dating.  We’re perfect for each other. 


Post # 11
851 posts
Busy bee

My FI and I broke up a couple of times before we got engaged, all in the early stages of our relationship. Pretty much any time he talked about marriage or being together for anything longer than the next ten minutes I freaked out and broke up with him. The longest breakup lasted about four months, and then I think he got the picture. The trouble resolved itself once I made it clear that if he proposed within the next two years I’d walk away and never look back. It’s been three years(ish) since then and we’re getting married next Sept. I should have said five years lol. 

Post # 12
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m not engaged yet but think we will be engaged by Thanksgiving and married by the middle of next year.

I originally met him almost 5 years ago.  We dated for 2 years and broke up because he was nowhere near ready to get married, I was on a timeline, and I was not willing to consider moving to his city 1 state away.

We broke up for 2 1/2 years and stayed friends the whole time.  This was through his sister battling (and surviving) cancer, my moving outside the state – then country, dating other people, and my getting a little too close to wanting to marry someone that a lot of bees knew to be the wrong guy for me.

He decided a year and a half ago that he wanted me to be his wife after his sister kicked cancer’s butt.  I was dating someone and he was respectful in waiting until we were broken up before telling me he wanted to get married and get married soon.  I’m finally ok with moving to his state and moving soon.  

In our case, I’m happy I took the time to do so much living.  The past 2 years and 10 months have been a whirlwind for me and clarified a lot of what I’m looking for.  It also forced him to grow up a bit and showed me a side of him I never knew existed which totally blew me away. 

Post # 13
5 posts

Don’t have a story to share…but really interested in this thread!

Basically, my bf broke up with me 2 weeks ago, after 10 months together.  He said we were perfect for each other, and wonderfully compatible, but he has ‘doubts’.  He can’t identify anything wrong with the relationship other than these ‘doubts.’  He’s always been the one pushing the relationship forwards: initiating the bf/gf chat, going to holidays, introducing me to family/friends, talking about marriage and kids.  He moved so fast that in the spring I asked to slow down a bit!  I’m in grad school so can’t really think about lifetime commitment for another 2 years (or my head might explode!)

I am interpreting this as a self-inflicted guy freakout.  We’re not speaking to each other atm, but I’m curious to know if anyone else has been in a similar situation. 

Sorry, hope this isn’t thread-jacking!! 

Post # 14
2791 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

My fiance and I dated for just under 2 years when I was a senior in highschool. We met in January of 2005 because we had a class together and ended up sitting next to each other. We started dating in April of 2005. I graduated highschool in May of 2005 and went on to college nearby while living at home.  He graduated in May of 2006 and went to a college a little over an hour’s drive away and stayed on campus.  I was his first girlfriend. It worked for awhile but he broke up with me in Feb of 2007.  I think it was because he was at school, having fun, and wanted to see what else was out there.  He dated a girl from school shortly after but they were only together for about 6 months or so.  We talked a little from time to time and occasionally would hang out when he was home and i was also single.  

During the time we were apart I dated 1 guy for a few months and then another for almost 2 years. During that time my now-fiance would try to talk to me and I’d mostly blow him off because I had a serious boyfriend. One Valentine’s Day he even left a heart shaped balloon on my car but at the time I had no idea who left it there. I assumed my current boyfriend did and when I asked him about it he said it wasn’t him and was a bit upset.  I later found out it was my now-fiance who did it.  That relationship ended in August of 2009. I thought I was going to marry the second guy, the week before he broke up with me we had talked about moving in together. It was a really hard breakup for me. We hadn’t really talked much leading up to that but we had lots of mutual friends and so my now-fiance heard about it. 

He started reaching out to me again and I was really reluctant to see him/talk to him because of what had happened before. But i gave in and invited him to a few group outings… and by October of 2009 we were pretty much dating again. We had a bit of a hiccup in January of 2010 when I don’t think either of us was taking the relationship as serious as we should be. Things happened and we almost broke up but in the end I think it made us stronger. He took me ring shopping in August of 2012 but didn’t buy my ring until June of 2014 and proposed in July of 2014. It was really really hard waiting those 2 years!!! We bought a house in September of 2014 and We’ll be getting married in May of 2015 and he’ll be moving in in June afterwards (per my parent’s…. they’ll pay for the wedding if he waits).

  • This reply was modified 2 years ago by  amberback.
Post # 15
204 posts
Helper bee

My fiance and I broke up for about 3 months a year into our relationship. We’ve beentogether for 4 years now (minus those three months) We broke up becasue he was getting mental health treatment and they had him on the wrong meds. One night we were all out and things escalated, the police were called and I wound up with a concussion. Good reason to break up right. We worked at the same place so we had to see each other but we didn’t really talk. It was a really confusing time, especially once the doctors changed his meds.  It was like night and day. We started talking and seeing each other more. We went to couples therapy and he moved back in. I have since learned to notice if his meds are off and I ended up having to be more active in his mental health. I don’tthink I’d stick aroundif something like that happened again though, once was enough.


Things have been fairly smooth since then.

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