Post # 1
Four days ago I ended my relationship of six years to my fiance.
I went out with a group of friends the following night and someone who I consider my best friend did not seem to care about what happened. He was in the group when it was brought up and he did not say anything when it was being discussed. It was brought up several times during the night and he even tried avoiding the topic by changing the subject.
It got to the better of me – I was slightly drunk, but I yelled at him. He sent friends over to check on me after he walked off annoyed. I apologised to him several times. But he still does not seem invested in what I’m going through – he’s carrying on with the rest of our group as normal.
Should I be paranoid for feeling this way? I don’t understand the way he is acting.
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2014 - UK
It may be that he doesn’t feel comfortable discussing emotional things like this, or doesn’t know how to deal well with people who are emotional, and it may also be that he doesn’t feel like wallowing in it will help and he is trying to keep things as normal as possible for you and distract you from feeling bad. Clearly he is concerned if he sent people over to check on you.
That’s what I’d do anyway.
Post # 4
@rosetea: Maybe he feels like it’s a personal situation and doesn’t want to get involved.
Post # 5
@rosetea: perhaps he is one of those people who doesn’t know what to say when something bad happens. I personally go all awkward when someone dies and I never know what to say so I tend to avoid it.
Post # 6
@chronicwhimsy: that’s exactly what I was thinking.
OP, I wouldn’t read much into into it. People handle situations differently, especially men. Lean on your girlfriends for now. I’m so sorry you are feeling this way, but I’m sure there are bluer skies ahead.
Post # 7
@solidarity: +1. I don’t get involved in people’s personal business and ask them questions about painful issues. I also never trust the first breakup. All I need is to say, “finally, you left that loser!” and then you make up.
Post # 8
Some peopel don’t like to get involved especially if they think there is a slight chance of you getting back together.
There is nothing worse than commiserating with someone then a week later they get back together and you feel like an idiot for ever getting involved and listening to all the bad stuff.
Post # 9
I’m sure he does care. But like lots of people he may wish to be cautious about jumping in with both feet and getting involved right now this minute. I’d rely on the people who want to offer support right now. But don’t think too badly of him either because other people’s relationships can be a bit of a minefield which is why not everyone wants to be drawn into them.
Post # 10
a drunken night out with other people is NOT when i would make any effort to figure out what happened with my best friend. i’d wait for a much less volatile situation and when no one else was around. it doesn’t mean i don’t care, i do – but it’s awkward to talk about personal things in that context.
also – my mother’s advice was always never to get involved in a breakup, because say he says, ‘that guy was a total loser who treated you like crap’ and then you get back together….awkward. so maybe he’s trying to stay above the fray
Post # 11
@rosetea: Was he at all friendly with your fiance? Breakups can definitely put mutual friends in hard positions where they try to be friends with everyone and not bad mouth the other partner.
Post # 12
@MrsPanda99: haha! I’ve made that mistake once in my life. Never again.
Personally, I find it hard to say the right thing when someone is going through a breakup and tend to stay out of it. I’ll ask a friend if they’re ok or if they need anything but I’m not good with hashing out the details with them. Especially in public.
Could it be possible he just didn’t think it was the time or place to have a heart-to-heart? Not to mention, you yelled at him in a public place. I’d stay far away from drama like that.
Post # 13
Sounds to me like he doesn’t want to listen to your personal problems or is annoyed hearing about it. Maybe you aren’t aware that you are talking about it entirely too much and he doesn’t want to hear about the drama in your life? Most guys don’t want to deal with drama.
And let’s face it….guys aren’t sympatheic over situations like this. Honestly, they could care less, especially when they are out drinking with friends and alcohol is involved.
Post # 14
Thanks for your input but I’d have to disagree on some account. As I mentioned, this was the first time he had heard of it as the breakup had only occured one day prior to us going out in the group.
Other male friends acted more sympathetically on the night than he did, so I think its unfair to say guys aren’t sympathetic as a generalisation.
Post # 15
I have to agree with others… I tend to not know what to say in these situations, so I avoid it. He might have been wanting to respect your privacy on it, assuming that everyone else had brought it up.
Post # 16
@rosetea: Men aren’t typically sympathetic with a group of friends, in a bar/drinking atmosphere. Period.
I’m sure he didn’t want to be annoyed about it in a public place. Men don’t take well to situations like this in front of friends, peers, coworkers…etc. Sometimes they don’t want to be bothered with it, only in private.