I’ve got two – one where the guy broke up with me, and one where I broke up with the guy.
First one: I was in a two-year relationship with a guy. Crazy-in-love, head-over-heels for each other. My best friend was transferring to a different college and wanted me to come with her. I couldn’t imagine my bestie being 5 hours away from me, plus the school she was going to had a better program for the major I was in anyway. Guy and I had several very long conversations about what this meant for our relationship and both agreed that we definitely wanted to continue dating long-distance. We had been discussing marriage at this point, too. He had just one year of school left, I had two, so we figured we wouldn’t have to be long-distance for very long and it was something we could handle.
Turned out only one of us could handle it. We spent almost the entire summer together, just as in love as ever, and then I started at my new school. Two months into the fall semester, he broke up with me. Might I add it was the week of my birthday? I was devastated. A few weeks later he called me up to brag about having sex with another girl and getting her off (I had difficulty in the bedroom and never could). THAT was painful. And I still went back to visit him a few months later, hoping we could somehow fix things. Didn’t happen.
I was pretty messed up for a long time after that. It was a serious blow to my self-esteem and self-worth. But in hindsight, he was a total jerk, so I’m glad that’s over with.
Second one: about a year later. I had met a guy over the summer on a dating site. He lived pretty close and we started hanging out. We were really alike and got along SO well. When we met he wasn’t looking for an actual relationship, more of a FWB thing, and I was still damaged from the previous breakup and didn’t want to be in an emotionally-invested relationship. So the FWB thing worked for us.
Well, pretty soon I had that more-than-friends feeling, but I didn’t know what to do about it. He hadn’t given any hint of being interested in an actual relationship, and I didn’t want to risk the nice thing we had going by voicing my feelings. So even though it hurt, I just internalized it and didn’t say anything. Around this time, my depression started getting really severe, so that plus the unrequited-love feelings really sent me into a downward spiral emotionally. I couldn’t handle it, but instead of just working up the guts to talk to him about it, I started to withdraw from him. We didn’t hang out as much and when we did I was very distant.
Finally one day I broke off our FWB relationship over e-mail (immature, yes, I know). I didn’t hear back from him so I figured he had just shrugged me off and moved on. Then a few days later, I received an e-mail in response. Turns out he DID have some pretty intense feelings for me but just hadn’t had the nerve to say anything. He said some pretty nasty things in the e-mail, I got really angry, and we had a huge fight. And then we just never spoke again.
So yeah, I learned some important lessons from those two. Mainly that communication is key to a successful relationship. And I’m happy to say that FI and I have fabulous communication 🙂