Post # 1
Ok so I really don’t understand this!
I see so many posts on WeddingBee about brides who have friends, BMs, family, etc who are invited to their wedding and who are breast-feeding a newborn baby. And these posts all feature brides trying to force these new mothers into leaving their breast-feeding newborn (who likely doesn’t take a bottle well) at home / hotel, often with total strangers!
Now don’t get me wrong, I understand the desire to have an adults-only wedding (not my own personal choice, but I can understand and respect it for others). But there is a big difference between a breast-feeding newborn and toddlers, pre-teens, teenagers, etc!!
Neither the new mother or the baby are going to be comfortable if you force them to be separated at this stage. And a newborn isn’t going to be running around and causing a scene. No guest in their right mind who left a toddler, pre-teen, etc at home is going to fault you or bat an eye at allowing a nursing mother to be there and able to take care of her newborn!
I just feel that trying to make mothers of newborns chose between your wedding and their newborn, completely dependent child is wrong! Yes, this is your day, but you also have to respect the lives and situations of the people you want to have around you. These are supposed to be your closest friends and family and I think there is something wrong if you can’t appreciate the situation they are in.
Is anyone else with me on this or am I just completely off-base?
Post # 3
I’ve actually never seen anyone say that a mother should be forced to leave her breast-fed baby.
Post # 5
Oh there was one a while back, alright, NYC wedding I think, she was kind of put out that nobody suggested moving the wedding when a family member turned up pregnant, due couple months before wedding. It’s a wedding, not a movie premiere. It’s supposed to be about families.
Post # 6
I agree w/ jacqi – normally people make the exception b/c only super close relatives that have nursing babies ever RSVP yes. If i were nursing and it were a casual aquaintence, I’d just RSVP no.
Post # 7
I dont think people have said they should be FORCED to leave their baby, but have suggested it because they want an adults only reception. I think for every one person that says they should leave their baby, there are 5 that are more understanding and try to come up with a solution.
I totally agree that the newborn should be allowed to come to the wedding and if they are fussy its up to the parents to either excuse themselves until the baby calms down or figure something else out. We personally had 3 nephews and 2 nieces that were invited to our wedding without a second thought and we invted our cousins kids as well but thats how our family is and what we wanted. I dont think badly on someone who wants an adult only reception but if they are planning that, things like newborns and toddlers need to be considered, especially those of a family member, when making that decision.
I personally would get a babysitter for a kid (1 and above) but I wouldnt go to a wedding without my newborn if they were breastfeeding, I would just have to regretfully decline. If they were on formula, then I would have a family member babysit.
Post # 8
My Future Sister-In-Law is due 2 weeks after the wedding, but she already has a plan in place, in case she delivers early. Her Mother-In-Law will be coming into town with them and staying at the hotel and caring for the baby during the ceremony and reception (the facilities are attached to the hotel). This way, she can still pop next door to nurse, but enjoy her time at the wedding.
Granted, not everyone has logistics available to make this work for them, but I am grateful that she has a back-up plan so she can enjoy the event and still care for her newborn.
Post # 9
agreed. no one should even ask a mother to leave her newborn for any number of hours, especially if she is breastfeeding!!
Post # 10
So I’m going to throw this out there and probably be hated for it. I asked nicely, not demanded, that the women in my family who have babies (breast fed or otherwise) to find another relative (who wouldn’t be at the wedding, in laws, etc) to please watch the baby. I had a few reasons for this:
1. The sound of a child crying is like nails on a chalk board to me, and if the baby started crying in the middle of the ceremony it would completely ruin the moment. There isn’t any where to take the baby at my location that he/she wouldn’t be heard, fyi.
2. Another woman in my family recently had a very bad miscarriage and she pretty much falls to pieces when she sees another baby.
While I understand that to some people weddings are about bringing two families together, to other people they are about the love that two people share and they are trying to create a certain “feel” for their wedding that a baby could possibly interfear with.
I’m not being mean, I think that children/babies at weddings are cute and very appropiate depending on the type of wedding and the couple. I don’t believe that you should hate on those who want to have an adult moment without children around either. Most people feel one way or another about it. I’m just throwing another opinion out there.
Bring on the hate mail…promise I’m not a horrible person…
Post # 11
@ SouthernTullip: I totally, 100% agree with you.
Post # 12
I will probably get some heat for this but I don’t think that a wedding is an appropriate place for a newborn. All of the newborns that I’ve ever met or seen don’t like loud noise or being in a place with a ton of people walking around.
Post # 13
I agree with you SouthernTulip – we had 2 babies at our wedding and one cried and interrupted the You may kiss the bride moment. And ran to her mom who was a Bridesmaid or Best Man during the ceremony. If it weren’t my niece, I would have been pissed. (I wasn’t, for the record. it all depends on the baby and currently there are only 2 that wouldn’t make me want to slap their parent)
Post # 14
I agree with southern tulips.
Ultimately, the person who throws the party gets to call the shots. I was adamant about not having babies at my wedding (my niece and nephew aside). And that’s ok.
I don’t think a wedding is a good place for a newborn anyways (again, close friend/family) and I certainly wouldn’t bring mine to one, so I don’t really see the big deal. I think MOST newborns brought to weddings are very close to the bride or groom.
But i haven’t seen anybody say to force the mother to leave the newborn home. THe mother has a choice to bring her baby or not. I think most would choose not to or choose to pump if it’s an option, or have someone to watch the baby if say, the person in question, is a bridesmaid.
I really would’ve been ok with close family member/friend bringing a newborn, but that’s it.
Edit: i saw you post after me and I don’t remember those posts but I think brides and grooms should consider offering a little conveniency leeway to their families. Or the wedding will leave a very bad taste in their mouths.
Post # 15
Just to clarify what led me to post this.
I saw a couple of posts in the last week alone (I won’t call out the bees – that’s not appropriate), but one involved a Bridesmaid or Best Man with a nursing child and the other involved a Future Sister-In-Law who was nursing. In both cases, the brides has stated that they were in no way going to allow the mothers to bring the babies to the reception and were upset at the response they got from the affected BM/family member. The one involving the Bridesmaid or Best Man wouldn’t even budge when the Bridesmaid or Best Man said “OK then, I’ll have to leave after the ceremony and won’t be at the reception then.” The one with the Future Sister-In-Law, the Future Sister-In-Law was traveling in from multiple states away and all of her family was going to be at the wedding so she knew no one in the area who could watch her newborn even if she was willing to leave her for a few hours.
In both posts, the vast majority of responders were saying that the bride should stick to her guns, put her foot down, etc and not allow the newborn babies (ie keep it strictly adults-only). Yes, some were suggesting hiring a babysitter who could stay in the hotel and such, but I can tell you, there is no way I’d leave my newborn with a babysitter I didn’t even know! I’d be hard pressed to leave a newborn with a babysitter that I highly trusted!
Thanks for the feedback Bees! I appreciate hearing the thoughts of other bees, even those who don’t agree with me!
Post # 16
I can see this from both sides, and I’m glad to hear the different opinions.