- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I just posted your blog post a few minutes ago, but accidentally on the wrong thread (under beehive instead of babies).
Hopefully some of these ladies can help you out.
First off, you are not a sucky parent!!!! Repeat that!
A happy mommy makes a happy baby and if formula is what is going to work for your family then formula it is. There are no wrong choices here.
Hugs.
*hugs*
I posted on your blog after reading it. My heart goes out to you because I know how tiring post birth life can be and how breastfeeding itself can be so hard.
I left some tips that worked for me and may be worth trying.
Someone else also mentioned that you should keep pumping so that your supply doesnt go down.
I found that hand pumping was much easier then a machine. Maybe you can google how to hand pump. I could also pm you how I did it.
Either way, breastfeed/bottlefeeding is a personal choice. You are NOT a bad or lazy mom for choosing either!!! You are a great mom and I can tell that by the concern you have shown in your blog/post.
Have you thought about pumping? I know it is not the ideal situation but he would still be getting the breastmilk and it would be easier on everyone.
I'm sorry you're having troubles but glad you're getting your bub fed.
A couple things that worked for us was to feed her before she showed many signs of hunger. That way she wasn't too worked up with a hungry belly. If she did get worked up we would swaddle and shush her and then when she was more calm get her to latch. You could always start with a bottle of formula and then see if he wanted to top off with some breastmilk.
It is hard when your milk first comes in, your boobs swell to ginormous proportions and I think that interferes with the latch and baby is so hungry they just want to eat and eat and eat and eat and eat. But it does get easier.
If you're on the fence about giving up just keep pumping for a bit and you can always mix it in with the formula as you guys try to make it work. One of the main benefits of breastfeeding to baby I think are the antibodies that pass from mom to baby and decrease the incidence of illness in the first year.
I read your post as asking for good, unselfish reasons to continue breastfeeding. There are a ton! The benefits to your son go way beyond basic nutrition.
@cheese: First of all, you aren't a terrible mom if you give up, but I don't think it is a complete lost cause if you want to stick with it. Maybe Sulli031(?) will chime in here.. I know she had a lot of latch issues with her daughter.
My suggestion would be to try to pump a little bit before you try to latch your son on to see if you can draw out your nipples a little bit to make it easier for him to latch.
I'd also keep asking around in your area for a good lactation consultant. If you didn't get the help you need from those other two, there is bound to be someone who CAN help you.
Also, my other recommendation would be to get your son checked for tongue tie (you might want to google pictures and take a look at his tongue yourself and then go from there). Tongue tie can make latching very hard for babies and not all doctors or LCs recognize it. We had to get my son's tongue clipped and BF was soo much easier after that.
Here are two links to read:
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/baby/back-to-breast.html
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/start/basics/latch-resources.html
I hope that if you do want to/decide to stick with breastfeeding that you are able to find someone locally who really can help you.. they are out there! HTH.
I don't know a single mother who didn't want to give up on days 5-8. Seriously. I don't know what it is, maybe because engorgement is painful during that time, maybe the baby has a growth spurt at one week that makes their bones hurt and they're generally fussy anyway. Whatever the reason, EVERY SINGLE MOTHER I KNOW WANTED TO QUIT AT ABOUT A WEEK.
My advice is to perservere. The engorgement will ease as your breasts figure out how much milk to produce and where to put it. Your baby will become better and better at eating. Like PP said, waiting until he is screaming of hunger tends to make it worse, so try feeding him before he's yowling. You can also try feeding only one breast at a time and topping off with formula then pumping the other one while he sleeps. That way you only nurse every 4-6 hours per side instead of every 2 hours per side. It made a huge difference for me. Also try to get him to latch on the nipple shields. They also have little suction bulbs to draw your nipple out to make it easier to latch.
I know that I took a couple days to use nipple shields and pumping milk and feeding it from a bottle. My nipples hurt SO BAD. I didn't want to nurse anymore. But it got better, MB figured out how to latch (and I helped her), and we eventually made it through 12 months.
The BFing thread has some great advice on the mechanics, but you want to make sure your baby has a wide open mouth when you latch him. Place his lower jaw on first, then shove his face up so that his upper jaw latches over your areola. You shouldn't be able to see any of the areola while he is nursing, or your latch is wrong. Think of his jaw like a sockpuppet. He has a huge overbite and not much of a lower jaw. So his mouth has to be open WIDE to get it on right. Some say to run your nipple from the chin upwards to get babies to open up. I had to run my nipple from her nose down. Whatever works for you two.
I don't think you're selfish, I think you're tired and don't want to hear the baby cry. Formula is an easy escape. I think that everyone judges people about BFing until it's their turn to do it (I know I did). I say give it one more week of honest effort. If after that you just cannot stand it anymore, then it's your call. But the 8 day mark seems to be the average hurdle, so if you can make it through that you may be ok.
You aren't a terrible mom, but try to take it minute by minute and last as long as possible. Babies are incredibly difficult, but don't give up in your moments of dispair! Short term, you and the baby might be happier, but try to weigh long term health and happiness benefits against the short term costs (very difficult conceptually to grasp long term benefits, i know).
I too, almost gave up during week one. Baby wouldn't latch right, he'd scream if I made him latch right. We used a combination of pumping, nursing, and using the shield to reteach him how to latch correctly. It was a lot of tears at first. But EVERYONE told me that it is SOOO hard at first and then suddenly one day it gets easy. That's exactly what happened to me. Every nursing session I would cringe and say, "Just one more day." I kept saying that. I'm not sure what week it was that it got better but one day I latched him on, realized it didn't hurt and he was enjoying it and it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. IT DOES GET BETTER than where you are now.
I had to go back to work at 7 weeks post partum and at 12 weeks officially stopped breastfeeding. It was too hard to find time to pump at work, to wake up at night on my own with him to nurse, my milk supply went down, and he was being supplemented with formula at daycare anyway. My milk went away really fast after that and I missed those quiet moments nursing. It forced me to sit down and relax with my little boy. I didn't know how much I'd miss it. However, I am SOOO proud of myself even now that I made it that far. Seriously, the mantra "Just one more day" or "Just one more week" does wonders.
This worked for me because I was determined to breastfeed. If you are neutral on it, don't kick yourself for quitting. But try to remember that right now you are sleep-deprived and hormone-ridden and that is probably a big reason why you feel more frustrated with it than you might if you were in a normal state of mind.
A couple more things that worked for us sometimes.
Put a little milk on his lips before he latches, sometimes that helps them focus a bit and calm down.
***Make sure his head is in line with his body and not turned to the side at all. Latching is a lot harder if not impossible at a young age if their head isn't facing foward with their body - so the whole baby has to turn toward your body, not just his head.
A good latch will be hard to get with you putting your breast in his mouth. Instead run your nipple from his nose to his open mouth while you're holding your breast from underneath in a c-sandwich and see if he will latch.
Just to chime in again, I wanted to second what @MightySapphire:said.. I don't know of a single mom that BFs that didn't want to give up in the beginning. It's harder than they make it out to be and it does hurt initially, but it does get better. Even if you have a pump at home, I'd suggest renting a hospital grade pump for the next month or so when you will have an over supply of milk. When I use the lactina pump that my work has I can get twice as much milk as using my pump in style and I'm about 4 months into breastfeeding. It would give you a chance to put a bunch of milk in your freezer so even if you switch over to formula you'd have a stash to use to supplement for a little while. Also, you've probably already done this but have you tried switching up how you are holding him while trying to get him to latch? In the hospital the nurse said that the football hold can be better for new babies and women that have larger breasts.. it's not my favorite hold, but it might be worth a shot if you haven't tried it already.
Here's a link to some really great info on BFing:
http://www.pumpstation.com/pumpstation/dept.asp?s_id=0&dept_id=3225
You can watch the videos, they really helped me. The Deep Latch Technique info helped a lot too, I wasn't latching correctly.
I vote for pumping, too. And I hated pumping. But it would at least buy you some time if you don't want to be forced to make a decision right now. Lord knows there's enough going on a week after delivery... And let me just throw out there that a manual pump worked better for me than the electric (and it's a MUCH smaller $ investment). Good luck! I'll have to go check out the blog...I missed your last post.
I just reread your post and saw that you have already seen two lactation consultants. I wanted to make you aware that it is pretty easy to become a lactation consultant and MANY of them do not have an large amount of education or experience. Just because you saw two does not mean you saw two good ones. I would ask friends and your LaLeche League for local referrals to highly recommended lactation consultants and try another one. Your condition is not unique and a really good lactation consultant should be able to solve your problems.
First, I want to say you're not a bad parent if you formula feed- it's really not that big of a deal. And I agree with all the advice everyone else has given. But I also wanted to add that once you get through the tough part, it's really awesome. People love to talk about the health benefits, but I want to also stress the bonding and relationship benefits. I HATED breastfeeding at first and LOVED it later. With all the craziness involved with a new baby, especially when/if you go back to work, breastfeeding FORCES you to calm down and relax and just enjoy being with your baby for a little while. There's such an awesome feeling that it's something that only you and your child share, and something very fulfilling in knowing that serene happiness of breastfeeding is something that only a mother can provide.
It's really hard to believe how peaceful and awesome it is later when you're in the beginning stages with a terrible latch and a screaming newborn. I remember looking at my mom and saying, "She's going to actually enjoy this someday, right?" as I attempted to feed her while she just screamed and refused to latch when she was a few days old. But not long after, she loved it and it was something really special. I'm really glad I didn't give up.
Basically I'm saying, don't feel guilty if you decide to formula feed, because your kid will be fine! But, breastfeeding is a really special thing that you might really enjoy some day if you stick with it.
Sorry, just read your blog-post that that's all the reasons you DON'T want to hear. Honestly, if your major goal is just not having your son cry, I'd have to say bottle feed, because he'll have an easier time with it. My friend had pretty much the same feelings you did and said her kids did much better with the bottle- they slept more and seemed much happier when she stopped breastfeeding.
I was worried about my daughter getting enough to eat and my ma pointed out how incredibly tiny a newborn's stomach is, and basically reminded me that she wasn't going to starve to death if I wanted to work through the rough beginning as we got down our feeding technique. (And I probably would have given up if I hadn't had her there to support me during that first week, because I was worried and didn't really know what I was doing.)
I think it's just a matter of whether you want instant results or delayed gratification. Both have their benefits, and you just have to work out which means more for you.
Ack--where is the listing with Bee Blogs??
I'm still TTC, but reading these posts to prepare myself. I just read a post that the baby should look like he/she is eating a giant sandwich-- a big mouthful of boob sandwich.
My baby had trouble latching for the first week. (Yes, it was hard, exhausting, painful, etc.) Well, we were instructed to 'try' nursing for about 10 minutes, but like you..I didn't want to turn it into a bad experience for the baby so I gave just a few minutes of 'practice' and then DH fed her pumped milk with the bottle. Within a week, she was able to latch consistently and we could stop with the crazy pumping schedule. Inserting my pinky to get her to suck first, then slip in the bottle nipple was one thing that helped her transition. My baby's lower lip kept getting tucked under while she was sucking so we had to always be aware it was propped out (like a little fish) to train her right.
I think the biggest problem with breastfeeding is that we all have unrealistic expectations. It isn't like the movies where women drop that child in the field, put him to the breast and live happily ever after.
The vast majority of moms and babes have trouble at first. This is one of the few times in your life that you and your baby will be learning how to do something at the same time.
What other activity that is new to you, would you expect to be an expert at, within the first week?
I've told this story on this board before but I will tell it again in the hope that it can help you or someone else who is struggling with this. My son had a problem latching on too. I went to a lactation consultant and she gave me this funky set up to give him formula at the same time he was breastfeeding without a bottle. And without pumping.
What I did was fill up a plastic bottle with formula, it hung around my neck on a cord, then I used a special tape to tape two tiny tubes to the end of my nipples. Then I would latch my son on and he would suck at the breast while the formula flowed through the tube.
I had to do this at every feeding and once I got the taping down, it wasn't that bad, but it was a pain for sure. But it was for about a week and then everything flowed (ha ha) from there. This is my opinion only, but once you give a bottle at such an early age, you are done. The baby will always prefer not to work as hard to get food. There are babies that can go back and forth but the bottle will always supplant the breast in no time.
My lactation consultant saved me during that awful first week. I doubt I would have continued if the tube thing had not worked. But if you're interested in that, ask her if that's something she can help you with. Good luck and try not to give up-it's a really hard time, I know.
I wrote a post similar to this when my baby was a week old. I also had issues breastfeeding and decided to give up. I felt extremely guilty and cried about it for a while. I wanted to breastfeed so badly for so many reasons, but it just didn't work for us. In the end, I felt like it was better for both of us to do formula. I was so stressed out about feeding her, and I'm sure that stressed her out.
And on a major plus side, now my husband and I switch on and off feeding her throughout the night, so I'm actually able to sleep a couple of hours.
I posted on your blog too. Im sorry its so difficult =o( Did you have him checked for tongue tie or have that little flap of skin under his top lip checked???
Breastfeeding was a nightmare at the beginning for us too- the 2 lactation consultants at the hospital didn't help at all, and so for the first week we ended up trying to get him to latch as often as I could stand it, and then just using a finger syringe to feed him pumped milk. It would sometimes take 20 tries to get a decent latch. It was freaking miserable, everybody cried and was unhappy, etc. I kept telling myself that everyone had said that the first two weeks of BFing are not at all representative of what it will be like long term, so that helped to get me through.
Luckily, the nurse practitioner at my pediatrician's office is also a lactation consultant and she was awesome (unlike the two at the hospital who were useless). I saw her three times that first week for probably 30-45 minutes at a time. So that was key.
She had us give DS formula a couple of times in the beginning just to let everyone calm down, and then she had me pump a ton (I used a hospital grade rental at the time). So whenever we were worried about DS getting enough to eat, DH would feed him with the finger syringe.
I agree with jubyju's suggestion to pump a little bit before feeding him- it makes a huge difference in drawing out your nipples and making them easier to latch onto.
GOOD LUCK AND BIG HUGS.
A few other things that helped me were the fact that all I had to do those first few weeks was feed the baby. DH was home for 3 weeks, and my mom was there the first week and a half. I didn't do chores, I didn't get my own food, I didn't interact with the dog, I almost never changed a diaper... I seriously did nothing but sleep and feed the baby. And after the first weekend when FIL and my dad came up and I had a breakdown, we instituted a policy that no one was allowed in the house for more than an hour unless I felt comfortable going topless in front of them. It was just so much easier to be able to be topless all the time and feed the baby whenever I needed to, rather than trying to time it around visitors.
The other thing was that our good lactation consultant really taught DH how to help out. He had come to a BFing class at the hospital before we had the baby, so he had an idea already about how this was supposed to work, and was able to suggest different positions, etc., but the lactation consultant also had him physically help getting the baby latched sometimes, and DH would also help me to figure out whether or not the latch was good, whether he was eating or just sucking, etc.
OK, I haven't read all the comments, but let me just throw one very unconventional voice in here: Just stop breastfeeding. Your baby will be fine. In fact, he may thrive more heartily since he won't be hungry and you won't be tearing your hair out with frustration. I have bottle-fed since the beginning and, as her pediatrician said yesterday, "I couldn't be happier with how she's growing, physically and emotionally." She feeds wonderfully, she sleeps 12 hours a night (I'm not exagerating), and I have avoided all of the stress and frustration of breastfeeding.
I'm all for people breastfeeding (really!) but I hate to see you and your baby so unhappy out of devotion to this perceived requirement....
Breastfeeding is REALLY hard. It isn't some natural thing that happens and everyone is all lovey dovey happy family. I HATED it in the beginning-and we didn't have latch problems or anything. I wanted to quit every day.
If giving your baby breastmilk is important to you-what about some bottles of pumped milk and some bottles of formula? I gave my daughter a bottle of formula the first night in the hospital because I was hysterically crying at the thought of another feeding. We did both the first four months. She has recently gone on a nursing strike and though I've been told I can get her back to breastfeeding, I know she is just as happy with formula, I don't want to stress her out, and she looks at me exactly the same if I am giving her my boob or a bottle of formula, and she is happy and healthy.
If you want to quit, then quit. Don't feel guilty. I really wish I could give you a real hug. looking back, those first few weeks were like I was watching a movie and somebody else was in it. Totally overwhelming and exhausting haze of WTF-ness. Don't make it harder on yourself if you heart isn't in it.
Thanks, you guys. You are all so fantastic for taking the time to reply.
I'm pumping, though probably not enough, and going to see the second lactation consultant tomorrow. After a week of not latching, I'm not sure how successful we'll be at going back to bf'ing - or even if we will - but having options open AND knowing this isn't just something *I'M* not catching on to is really helpful.
Who knew?
If it wasn't for me and Mighty Sapphire going through the difficulties of feeding at the same time, I might have wanted to quit too... but we both muddled through. Please read the breastfeeding is hard thread for some more support.
I do have one friend here who has inverted nipples and she pumps exclusively with her babies and she's made it to 7 months already. Maybe pumping and bottle feeding could be an option for you.
Breastfeeding is HARD in the first few weeks. I cannot tell you how many times I wanted to give up. Sleepless nights and the fear that my baby wasn't getting enough food almost drove me crazy. He didn't get back up to birth weight until he was 3 weeks old..and I was ecstatic and finally stopped worrying so much about it. I had a really hard time at first, but just keep trying..you both have to learn how to do it. Now we are at 6 months and I am so happy that I decided to stick with it.
need to catch up on all the other advice, but here is the first thoughts I have (background, CoWBoy is 11 months and I pump and breastfeed, but it hasn't been easy!)
First, let go of the mommy guilt whatever you decide. Second, the rest of my thoughts are going to be pro-breastmilk, but do NOT let them guilt you.
if you at least pump, then the baby will get lots of awesome antibodies from you, and your baby will have that as a comfort
if you do some breastfeeding, then your supply is more likely to keep up, and it is good for when you need to travel (you can nurse during take off and landing to help ears, etc.) I think breastfeeding is better to make sure they don't get too much or too little to eat...."on demand"
http://www.pregnancy.org/article/how-breastfeeding-benefits-add I've posted this article before, but it really is the best one I've seen
Also, just know that probably 95%+ ppl have felt just the way you do right now in the first month, and you have the extra challenge with nipple shields, etc. Good luck!
I saw your update and wanted to confirm that you are NOT alone! My 7-month old is now a breastfeeding champ, but during those first 6 weeks I vividly remember sobbing "I don't think I can do this anymore!!!" over and over again while my poor husband flailed and the baby screamed. It is just like learning to ride a bicycle. At first, it seems impossible and you can't see how you'll ever get it and it's terrifying and frustrating, and then -poof- one day it just works.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ellisrobertson | 24 |
| fishbone | 22 |
| ndreighton | 18 |
| Brielle | 17 |
| Samantha7 | 16 |
| ladyartichoke | 15 |
 rdownie1 |
15 |
| MsPanda | 14 |
| mypinkshoes | 14 |
| takemyhand | 14 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| JewishBride | 1 |
| SouthernGirl | 1 |
| Beebug | 1 |
My son is now a week old and I'm thisclose from giving up on breastfeeding, but haven't quite made up my mind just yet. It's a long story (I posted more details on my blog if you're interested... ) but he's not latching. I have flat nipples and we had some success with just shoving it in his mouth while we were in the hospital, but that started to not work very well as time moved on. We then went to see two lactation consultants on Monday (one at pediatrician plus another) and were told to use a breast shield, and it worked for a few feedings, but we were also giving him bottles (Breastflow nipples) and well, I just lost the heart to force him through frustration to get fed anymore.
I'm at a crossroads. All the reasons I can think of to breastfeed are more about me than him, and what he needs is just to eat, you know? And I've heard that it takes six weeks to get it all working well, but what do you do in the meantime? Make your baby cry? I won't go through an hour to get him latched again, sorry, now that I know that he can digest formula pretty easily. It's just not fair and I don't have the heart for it.
I didn't fully empty my breasts enough yesterday, so if by today I don't recommit to breastfeeding, I suspect the ship will have sailed, plus my son won't latch to the shield anymore, so I'll need to find good enough reasons to balance the frustration and screaming I'll be putting us all through.
Do please be candid. I feel pretty horrible about how close I am to putting him on formula - Am I being lazy? Not willing to work hard enough? Already a sucky parent? Giving in to make my life easier? - I don't know. I do know that I have a great kid unless he's hungry or dirty and it just seems unfair of me to make him miserable without a really good reason. Not deciding is making me crazy and I'm already emotionally overloaded, I guess from the whole giving birth thing.