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I had this same issue- I didn't mind nursing in front of others, but didn't want to make them uncomfortable. I usually just went in the other room to nurse when we had guests that weren't family.
My sister and my bff nurse and they are on opposite ends of the spectrum. My sister actually just participated in the world record breaking of women breast feeding at the same time and was in the newspaper doing it. She also is part of a breast feeding group and will do it anywhere and everywhere. My bff, she won't even do it in front of me. She goes into a room by herself and pumps for when she's in public.
In my own home, I nurse (without a cover because DS always fusses and tears at them if I try to use a cover) in front of my mom, dad, stepdad, sister, and BIL because I feel they can leave the room if they are uncomfortable or just avert their eyes. I leave the room with my in-laws though since DH was never breastfed and I figure they would be the most uncomfortable (and it gives me a good excuse to just get away from them sometimes). If it is friends that are over, I ask if it would bother them and if so, then I will leave the room or if they say it isn't a problem, I go on about my business.
@Pelikila: Has anyone said it bothers them? I've thought of asking but figure everyone will say it's fine since they feel like they should but then sit there feeling awkward.
I guess I'm just kinda tired of getting up and leaving, especially when it's just someone stopping over for a visit so I don't have time to make sure I pump or nurse her before or whatever but then feel guilty like I'm making them feel uncomfortable.
I think if you're covered it really shouldn't bother anybody. I know there are some people it still bothers. But going and hiding in a bedroom only perpetuates this fear of breastfeeding.
I don't think a mother should have to go to a room by herself when she has guests over and listen to everyone else talk because she has to feed her child. People need to open their minds.
@troubled: No, no one has said it bothers them but they are all aware I am BFing before they come over so I think they already have some mental preparedness. Ultimately it's not like my whole chest it out there for everyone to see. There is potential small flash of nipple when first positioning baby but other than that, I let my shirt drape around my breast so nothing is really seen unless you are literally sitting next to me and looking down.
I think mostly it is about how you act. Do you get quiet when nursing instead of continuing to participate in the coversation? If you are still involved in the conversation (asking questions of the other people, etc), people don't have as much time to think about the fact that you are nursing and get uncomfortable.
@PuntaCanaBride: I completely agree, but then I still always go to a different room. Like my aunts and two girlfriends have both volunteered when I went to leave that they didn't mind. So since everyone knows what I'm going to do I feel like if they don't volunteer that they're comfortable with it then they're probably more comfortable with me out of the room than in the room.
@Pelikila: I still participate in conversation, my little girl is 3 months old so I'm really comfortable with it now, though once in awhile she still needs an adjustment. When people aren't over I've become suprisingly coordinated at multitasking while bf, it's suprising because I'm rather uncoordinated normally.
Nursing didn't work out for me, but my plan was just to cover up in front of guests. If you're worried about them being uncomfortable, you could always just ask them. We had a friend visit recently who asked us what we'd be more comfortable with, her covering up or going in a different room. It wasn't awkward at all to have her nurse in front of us, the baby was under a blanket so we didn't see anything.
I had a girl come over to my place for a Mary Kay-type presentation/party thing and she brought her daughter, who she BF'd with a cover while she was there. It didn't bother me at all.
Do you think it changes when guys are over? I know it shouldn't. But thinking on it now that's when I feel more uncomfortable, when it's a couple that stops by, or there's a small get together and so some of my husband's guy friends are there. I guess mainly when it's just been girls I do end up nursing in front of them with a cover on eventually.
If you’re covered, I have no problem with it but uncovered does make me a little uncomfortable. I have a friend who will “whip it out” wherever, whenever. To be honest, I do have a problem with this but since it’s her “right” and all, I just grin and bear it. Still doesn’t mean I like it, though. My other friend who recently had a baby (though she’s not BF’ing anymore) would always excuse herself and go into another room if there was anyone besides her DH in there. She wasn’t comfortable nursing infront of other people and she realized that it more than likely would make others uncomfortable, too (her family is pretty conservative). She has never once complained about having to sneak off to nurse. For her, it just kind of comes with the territory. I think she prefers to be alone doing it anyway.
I'm not a mom yet, but because of my upbringing, it makes me uncomfortable when other women nurse in front of me, covered or not. We just don't do that it my family so it's foreign to me.
So, I would say leave the room. If I nursed in front of my family when I have children, they would probably faint.
@troubled: Yes, definitely! I've nursed in front of a lot of my girl friends, but when we hung out with Mr. Cannon's friends (mostly male) I would usually go in the other room. Generally, if I thought the person wouldn't have a problem with it, I would just ask if they minded. You can usually tell by their response whether they genuinely don't mind or are just being polite.
@UpstateCait: That's why I usually went in the other room. I feel like there's nothing wrong with breastfeeding and people shouldn't be bothered by it, but it makes some people uncomfortable. I feel like part of my duties as a hostess is to make others comfortable in my home, so I would go in the other room. That being said, I nursed in public several times because I had to feed my kid. I'm sure it made people uncomfortable now and then, but in those instances, my need to feed my kid and lack of another place to go trumped their squeamish feelings over it. Also, I'm sure everyone on the flights I took with my daughter would rather I breastfed her than she screamed through the flights.
I remember my mom nursing my little brother and always leaving the room, even if it meant she needed to go sit alone in the car to do it. So, growing up, I assumed that was the polite way to handle it. However, I have had friends nurse in front of me (no cover) and realize now it's not a big deal. At first, it was super odd for me but if it'S your/their house, I don't feel it's my position to tell them how to behave. I was most shocked at a wedding when one of DH'S friends who was sitting at our table unzipped her dress from behind and began nursing. To be fair, she was wearing a blazer so it was pretty hidden but, in that case, I surely would have left the room and gone up to my hotel room. I think you jjust need to do what makes you and baby happy and not worry about offending someone else as your intentions are to feed you baby not expose yourself.
All of my friends go in another room. I couldn't care less and neither does my husband, but I think that it's for their own comfort. I was raised around women who all just whipped it out, so it doesn't even phase me. It's a non-issue.
@UpstateCait: No one's ever heard me complain about it either, except my husband nad now wb - but no one knows who I am on here.
I also don't usually mind that much, it was just we had a get together a couple nights ago, and I was setting things out and getting people things to drink and being a hostess and then someone broke their glass so I cleaned up - husband was outside grilling - so when I'm finally ready to sit down to actually visit with people that I'd spent a good part of the day cooking for it's time for baby to eat and so I leave instead of sitting around and talking. Baby had had a bottle of pumped milk already so it was easier just to nurse her then give her another bottle and leave to pump.
For me, it totally depends on who I'm around. When DS was a newborn, I couldn't do it discreetly, so it was all or nothing... around my mom, sister, DH's godmother, and a few female friends (who were either big hippies or recent breastfeeders themselves), I'd just whip it out because I knew they had zero problem with it. The handful of times we either went out or had friends over, I'd pump in advance and we'd just give him a bottle. And when my dad or DH's dad were around for longer periods, I'd go do it upstairs (though my dad would usually make himself scarce if he knew I was nursing, so I didn't really have to leave). DH's dad is a physician and I know he doesn't mind at all, but I didnt' feel comfortable getting essentially topless in front of him.
Once both DS and I got better at breastfeeding, I started just making decisions on the fly based on who was around. Most of our friends (both male and female) are used to kids and BFing and aren't conservative at all about that kind of stuff, so I don't bother covering up in front of them (I mean, I'll wear a nursing tank and be as discreet as possible, but I don't use a cover and I don't run away). In situations where I don't know people as well or think they'd be uncomfortable, I'll often either go to another room, or just give DS a bottle. I kind of hate nursing with the cover (so does DS) and tend to reserve that for occasions when I essentially have to nurse in public (like on airplanes).
I do feel like if you're going to go visit the home of someone who has just had a baby, and who you know is breastfeeding, you should either suck it up and get over the idea of seeing them BF, or keep your visit super short. When I was breastfeeding a newborn, I had to feed him really often, and it sucked to have to always run away to pump and/or feed- it was a really lonely time anyways, and having to leave the group to go do this thing (BFing) that, at the time, was hard and exhausting and demoralizing anyways, just seemed kind of mean.
I'm completely comfortable at home. But it its a man thats not close family I try to stay covered out of respect for my man. If its women or close famlily I just "pop it out" and nurse. Its totally a non-issue. If in public I cover as much as she will let me (not a fan of stuff over her face while she is eating). But my daughter is three now and we have not nursed for a year and a half.
I've done it many different ways and sometimes I will even switch in the middle if if feels wrong. Like at the beginning I had no problem BF'ing inf ront of my MIL, until she got really nosy and kept trying to get a better look (gross) so now I go in a back bedroom when she's there. You'll figure out what feels comfortable to you soon enough, and you can have different approaches for different types of guests.
I haven't BF yet since munchkin is still growing in me. However my SIL they have a now 2 yr old, BF pretty much anywhere. In their own home or else wise when guests or other were around she would use the cover up she had though I have seen when she didnt have a cover up and just did without. It really didn't bother me a bit.
At first she would go in another room. I think it just depends on comfortable you are with the people who are around you.
I've been on both sides. I used to babysit when before I had my first child. When it was time for the babies to nurse, the mom would sit down, cover up, and nurse. I didn't know what to do. Do I leave the room? Should I look away? Should I not speak to the mom since it's bonding time? It was very uncomfortable for me.
When I had my baby, I would nurse when I had guest over. I felt comfortable feeding in front of them with the cover, but I would excuse myself, and return when I was finished.
You may be comfortable with it, but just remember it can make your guests VERY uncomfortable.
Don't let others make you uncomfortable. You're being respectful, and your baby needs to eat. If they are uncomfortable, let them stay somewhere else. *hugs*
I really want to breastfeed and have no problem with who wants to do it, how and where. But I'm shy, like really shy, and I'm nervous about getting the hang of breastfeeding in the hospital when our son is born. I want to make sure I'm doing it right, have a good latch, etc. from the get go but I worry about visitors with how shy I am about it... to the point where I'm not sure how/if I even want visitors. I'm not sure what to say/do - anyone offer any suggestions?
Oh - and also, I know a lot of folks have said that all modesty goes "out the window" when you give birth but I really can't imagine that happening. I have no problems with DH and doctors/nurses/student dr.s and nurses but I could never have anyone else with me while I give birth.
My nurses asked me if I wanted visitors to leave before breastfeeding, if not you can tell your nurses that if you don't feel comfortable telling your visitors.
When I was in labor I also told them no visitors. Only my husband. They do cater to your preferences. Just speak up. I'm sure they'll accomodate to you.
Good luck!
@rachiecakes: For me it was true that modesty went out the window to an extent I wouldn't have guessed. I never thought I'd nurse without a cover in front of my mom and sister but I soooooo did not care even a tiny bit when I was in the hospital. No idea why because I nurse with a cover now in front of them but in the hospital all I could focus on was baby needs to eat now and I will burst into tears if I don't feed that little one. Completely tunnel vision. However, my husband did invite coworkers to the hospital to see her and did not nurse in front of them but I would have had no problem telling them it was time to leave.
But if you're still feeling shy in the hospital room and don't feel like you can ask people to leave just tell your nurse, they were so great when I was in the hospital and would have gladly come in and ask people to leave.
@rachiecakes: Once you are in your recovery room where you'll be staying after L&D, just keep your door shut. That way everyone will knock and you'll have time to either cover up, send your husband to the door to either open it or ask them to come back later or you can raise your voice and say "give me a minute" or something to that effect. Additionally, when you need to feed baby, just ask visitors to step outside so you can feed. If you are up front about needing privacy to help make sure you get off on a good foot with BFing, people are usually respectful. If you are still unsure, just ask for no visitors until you get home and have a few days to get settled. The only people that visited us in the hospital (by my request) was MIL/FIL and my mom/stepdad. My in-laws politely stayed only 1 hour so they didn't interrupt anything and my mom I didn't mind if she was present.
ETA: Don't be shy to let others (like the nurses) play buffer for you.
I never bothered to leave the room. It was probably very selfish of me, but I just did not care if it made them uncomfortable. I usually offered them an "out" when I needed to nurse (like asking if they wanted to see DH's latest project or something else in another room). If they said no, oh well. If it's my home, I'm nursing. People that are bothered by that don't come over for the first 12 months. ::shrugs::
(I used a nursing cover.)
my bff nurses in front of us, but we're the kind of friends where nothing is off limits (even before we all got married) so I'm prety sure that's why she's comfortable doing it in front of us.
I'm not pregnant yet but I feel like I would do it in front of very close friends and my mom and sister...MIL & SIL too...
But in front of everyone else: i'd use a cover.
Also: my husband already told me it makes him uncomfortable to think that i'd breastfeed infront of men...so i wont do that....not even my grandpa, cousins or brother in laws...
@Pelikila:
I leave the room with my in-laws though since DH was never breastfed and I figure they would be the most uncomfortable (and it gives me a good excuse to just get away from them sometimes).
Ha ha ha. Love this.
I usually will take him up to his room and nurse him because usually any visitors are in our living room. It only takes 10-15 minutes and then we're back. It's easier for me (not having to nurse under cover) and if I need to take off my shirt I can (if it's not conducive to BFing). Plus it's easier to get baby to focus without any distractions around.
My baby is still inside, but in my house, I'm not leaving to breastfeed upstairs in his/her room. May sound bitchy to some, but damnit, I'll cover in public so as to not expose myself or make others uncomfortable, but not where I pay the bills etc. They'll get over it. I'll tell them I'm about to nurse and they can watch tv or go to the backyard and look at new lants or furniture.(if I can convince my SO to get a new patio set.LMAO)
thanks for the suggestions, Bees! I wish I weren't so painfully shy, and maybe I'll learn to get over it but first and foremost, I want my baby to be breastfed - I don't want to uncomfortable either. I do believe there is a solution out there for the both of us! :) Thanks for these ideas!
@MsMamaBear: Yeah, something about being expected by guests to leave the room or cover up in your own home bothers me. If it's for your own comfort, I think it's great! That being said, I don't think I'd feel comfortable BF in front males (like FIL, BIL, Dad, etc) or my MIL b/c she was huge into LLLI and I'd feel like she's judging how I was positioning, etc. Although, I might change my mind on that when I actually have kids.
@beekiss: I agree, if YOU want it, cool,but don't think I'm supposed to just for guests.LOL
I am perfectly comfortable nursing in front of my family and close girl friends. However, when my FI family/friends come over I always leave the room when it's that time.
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Just wondering what you do when you have guests over and it's time to nurse. I've gotten more comfortable nursing around my family with a swaddle over us but I'm still not comfortable nursing with a cover in front of friends. I have nursed in public a few times with a cover but that's because I don't think most people have any idea what I'm doing since it just looks like she's sleeping with a blanket in her sling.
We live a couple hours away from family and some of our close friends so we've had a bunch of overnight guests since the baby was born and host dinner parties and well people just stop over to say hi.
I'm not uncomfortable with nursing, I think it's great, but I do feel that I'll make others uncomfortable even if I'm covered. And I know that people should feel OK with nursing but I just feel like even if they are OK with it, it would still make guests feel uncomfortable.
Do you leave the room in your own home to nurse? Or if you don't have a baby would it make you uncomfortable if you were visiting to have someone nurse covered in the same room?