Post # 1
Let me just say that the FI and I have the best parents ever! They have been so amazing during this entire process. They have literally footed the bill for EVERYTHING – clothes, ceremony, reception, booze, rehearsal dinner, honeymoon, you name it. Thus far, the only thing we’ve paid for have been for our wedding party gifts. We are so very blessed to have such wonderful, amazing, supportive parents.
However, as the wedding gets closer and I see the budget tracking spreadsheet my wedding planner put together (also paid for by the parents), I almost died when I saw how much everything is costing! We had an inital budget, and we’re over by like $10k!!!! That also includes the rehearsal dinner and the honeymoon. I feel so bad that our parents have spent so much money on ONE DAY! I have tried to make everything as cheap as possible, I have thanked them profusely and even apologized for how much they’ve spent. They just say “don’t be silly, we’re happy to do it, it’s your only wedding!” I just feel so guilty that they have spent so much and my mom has done so much.
Has anyone else felt this way?
Post # 3
Ha! My Mom isn’t spending near that much and I still feel so guilty I’m having anxiety attacks about it!
I think it’s normal.
It feels like so much and it’s hard to believe you deserve it, but you do!
Post # 4
They clearly want to do it for you so there’s no reason to feel guilty. If you were pressuring them into anything then that would be different but you aren’t so just enjoy it. They just want to make you happy so be happy!
Post # 5
Oh yea. big time. 🙂 I feel guilty for the money my parents are spending (which is a fraction of yours), and I feel guilty for the money we’re spending. It all seems ridiculous, really. I am a practical girl and I keep falling into this “Holy COW are we really spending this on a wedding? We could do so much other stuff with that money!” mentality. But I feel like its one of those things that gets you started off on the right foot with marriage and ensures you don’t have any regrets coming out of it about not celebrating your one and only marriage. It is still a struggle for me, but at some point you just have to say thank you to those who are helping and take a breath and enjoy the day.
Post # 6
Oh my gosh, girl, I’m right there with you. Our original “budget” (my dad insists it was not a budget, just an estimate) was about $10k, and I’ve blown that out of the water. We honestly just didn’t know what to expect from a wedding the size we were wanting to have. So when prices starting coming in for things like catering and open bar, the “budget” was out the window. And, my dad has a hard time saying no to me…so even things that aren’t absolutely necessary–like my wedding day transportation–he wants me to have because it makes me happy. He’s wonderful, and I’m very lucky. I, like you, have been KILLING myself to keep things inexpensive, and I think that makes him more willing to spend. Like, if I had shown no regard for his wallet, he might be a little less willing to keep spending, but because I’m so careful, he doesn’t mind. I don’t know if that makes sense. But I am WRACKED with guilt. I think we both just need to switch guilty out for grateful and get our parents some really awesome thank you gifts and make sure they know that we know how lucky we are. 🙂
Post # 7
I hear you! We met with reception venues this weekend and I pretty much lost my sh*t over the total price for our guest list. And we’re going with a place that charges $75/pp including alcohol. It’s just sooo much money, even when it’s a good price.
I like mrsmdphd’s idea of switching guilty to grateful. My parents and FI’s parents have been so generous, and I am really, really grateful for that.
Post # 8
Yes, you ladies are totally right – guilty needs to be GRATEFUL! I totally am. I just can’t help feeling bad in the back of my mind. THey have never once even begun to make me feel this way. It’s all self inflicted! But, thanks to you ladies, I’m going to focus that energy on being grateful not guilty.
Post # 9
Might I suggest taking the parents out for a heartfelt thankful dinner after you get back from the honeymoon? 🙂
Post # 10
I feel guilty too! My parents offered to pay for the wedding (we are paying for rings, honeymoon, invitations and small stuff ourselves) and it’s a LOT of money, like you said. But they really insisted, and now I am trying to save their money while my mom is trying to waste as much as she can!
I am trying to tell her we really don’t need flowers *everywhere* and favors and this and that but she thinks there is only one right way to do a wedding. I still try to save where I can, I got a discount dress, and plan not having a limo and hair and makeup and just doing it myself.