Post # 1
I was invited to a bridal luncheon (the day before the wedding) for DH’s cousin. It is being hosted by her (also DH’s) grandmother. I actually feel sort of awkward about going because I’ve never met the bride or most of this side of his family, but I didn’t want to appear impolite turning down an invite.
We are traveling out of state to attend the wedding, and we already sent a decent present, but nothing outrageous ($75-100). I would assume I don’t have to bring something to the luncheon as well, but it will be the first time I’m meeting a lot of that side of DH’s family so I definitely don’t want to commit a faux-pas.
Should I bring a gift? If so, what would be the appropriate amount to spend? Would cash be inappropriate? I know we certainly appreciated all the cash we recieved at our wedding to spend on the honeymoon!
Post # 3
@houstonwhodat: I don’t think you need to.
But if you feel awkward not, can you get something small off of the bridal registry?
Post # 4
@houstonwhodat: I never thought about it that way. I am having a bridesmaids luncheon the friday before our wedding and I am using it to give all my BMs their gifts as well as the MOB and MOG theirs. I would say to take a card with you and maybe a gift card to bed bath and beyond or just cash….Keep it in the car…walk in see what the other ladies are doing and do what they do. I dont expect gifts for the bridesmaids luncheon but if they do bring a gift I will be gracious.
Post # 5
Thanks for yall’s suggestions! I think stashing a card in my purse with some cash or a gift card is a great idea. That way if other people bring a gift I don’t feel bad, but if they don’t I wont be the only person awkwardly trying to figure out where to put a present.
Is $25 appropriate since we already spent quite a bit to travel and got them a wedding gift?
Post # 6
@houstonwhodat: Yeah thats plenty since you have already bought them a gift.
Post # 7
@houstonwhodat: I would assume no gift expected, it’s not a formal gifting event. However if you feel like you should offer something, why not a card withsone nice words for before her nuptials, or a small cute good luck charm like a ‘wedding angel’ I’m sure you could find something at a card store.
Post # 8
@houstonwhodat: Yea, I think that’s fine.
Post # 9
@houstonwhodat: what is a bridal luncheon??
Post # 10
I would assume that this is not an event where you’d bring a gift. In my experience, a bridal luncheon (even if hosted by someone else) is the bride’s opportunity to thank the small group of women in her life who are sharing her big day with her, i.e. her bridal party and close female relatives. A family member hosted a small bridal brunch for me, and no one brought gifts or cards (it never occurred to me that they would), and the hostess had a nice gift-wrapped favor for each guest at their place setting. My sister-in-law’s bridal luncheon was similar in that no one gave her a gift, and we all received a gift/favor.
If you think the luncheon is more of a shower (in that a much larger group of women are invited), then a card/gift might be appropriate however. Do you think your husband could ask his grandmother for some more detail? Or perhaps you could call her directly if you’re comfortable with that?
Post # 11
@houstonwhodat: Do not bring a gift for the bride. This tendency to feel uncomfortable walking into a party without a gift is a lack of sophistication. I suspect it comes from children’s early party-going experiences’ being childhood birthday parties where gifts are de rigeur, reinforced by wedding and baby showers that have the same rule. What you need to know is that children’s birthday parties and showers are the exception to the social norm.
Gifts should never be brought to any formal event. A gift for the hostess is acceptable provided it is small and discrete, and at an informal event it may be given directly to the hostess at a time convenient for her when you have a private moment with her. Flowers, a bottle of wine, or a box of sweets are normal hostess gifts. If the party is formal then any gift should be sent to the hostess ahead of time, or sent along with your thank-you note the following day. Gifts presume a level of intimacy with the hostess: the less your acquaintanceship with her, the smaller and more nominal your gift (if any) should be. Ostentatious gifts of any sort are never appropriate.
Do not confuse a “bridal luncheon” or “bridal tea” with a shower by treating it as a mandatory gift-giving event. The commercialization of weddings is so rampant, with so many people proclaiming (with impropriety) that wedding presents are “required”, that “cash is the best gift”, that nearly any gracious invitation has become subject to accusations of “gift-grubbing”. A bride’s own close relatives are — quite appropriately — banned by proper etiquette from holding fund-raising or gift-raising events on her behalf. The “bridal luncheon” is the last resort of those gracious unmaterialistic brides who really, really do just want to share their joy and offer hospitality to their friends in the final days of their maidenhood — or, well, of their un-married-hood — without being accused of greediness. Do not spoil that for them.
Post # 12
My FMIL wanted to throw a shower for me. I was uncomfortable receiving gifts so I asked her to call it a bridal luncheon. I hope nobody brings gifts.
I don’t think you need to take a gift.