Post # 1
I am in need of some advice, and also to vent a little. So far in my wedding planning, the biggest source of stress has been choosing my bridesmaids. We are getting married Nov 2015 so I am running out of time a little to officially ask them. This is mainly concerning my FI’s sisters. I plan on having 5 bms (there are 5 groomsmen, already happily chosen) and 3 of them I know are ready and excited and happy to be a part of my planning and the big day. However, my FI’s 2 sisters have been something I keep agonizing over.
I am not particularly close with either sister and we have hardly discussed wedding things – they never ask about it or express any sort of excitement about the whole thing at all. Normally I wouldn’t even have them in my party but my FI has said that he would want them to be in the bridal party since he loves them and they would really be the only ones in the party from his side of the family.
It just makes me sad that they don’t seem to care and I worry if they won’t even be involved or come to the bach party and show up to the rehearsal dinner, things like that. I even asked one sister if she was excited about the wedding and she just shrugged…so it’s like what do I do?! This also means if I officially choose them I am not choosing 2 of my closest friends who I know would LOVE to be a part of this.
So basically I need advice.. What would you do in this situation?
Post # 2
Congrats by the way! I would just choose the close friends to be honest. I know it’s a nice gesture to ask SILs but if they’re not really interested, they probably wouldn’t change their outlook as bms. This would frustrate you and you’d probably regret not having asked your close friends instead. You wanna ask people you’re closest to, who will share your excitement with and who you can rely on when it comes to dress shopping and other events. Do what you want! Good luck!
Post # 3
Invite who you want. I really wanted my fi to ask my BIL, but they aren’t that close, and to be honest, my BIL has pissed off my fi on many occasions. I just decided it’s up to him who to chose. BIL can be an usher so he’s still a part of the wedding. My sister is a bridesmaid, and I know she wanted her husband to walk her down the aisle. Oh well. Since your FSILs don’t seem all that excited, then I don’t think their feelings would be all that hurt.
Post # 4
You should ask your friends. If FI wants them in the wedding party, it is perfectly okay for them to stand with him on his side. Your choices should be your choices, and his should be his. You should not have to exclude someone you really want just to include them, especially if you get the feeling they are not that interested. It can be a nice jesture, but it is not a requirement at all.
Do what will make you happiest.
Post # 5
MossySmith: I guess I see 2 things in this
1. Is there any reason you can’t tell your FI exactly what you’re telling us? If you’re marrying the guy I don’t see why you cannot tell him how you feel if you are really agonizing over it. I didn’t have my SIL in my wedding and there was no issue with that from my husband.
2. November 2015 is a whole year away so you aren’t “running out of time” to ask them. I think I asked mine nine months before and that was still more than enough time. Why do they need to be so excited for the wedding? I’m never that excited for anyone’s wedding. Heck I probably wasn’t that excited about my own a whole year in advance. Bridesmaids have no obligation to come to a bachelorette party or any of that stuff. Some of mine didn’t come and I still love them, wouldn’t have not had them in my bridal party, and we are still extremely close over a year later. Also, I missed the rehearsal dinner for my best friend’s wedding when I was MOH and guess what? I still understood what to do in the wedding. It wasn’t that hard.
* I still believe you should choose who you want to be in your bridal party no matter what….
Post # 6
Ask your friends.
My FSIL asked me to be a bridesmaid. I agreed because I felt obligated. A lot of things ended up transpiring and I have since backed out. I felt like she asked me not because she wanted me to be in her wedding but because her mom (my FMIL) thought I should be (says we are sisters). I also think part of her decision to ask me was because she liked the idea of me having to spend money on her..and she was asking me to spend A LOT more than I was comfortable with. Obviously there are a lot of issues between FSIL and myself, which I don’t know if any thing like that exists between you and your FSILs.
Personally, I think you should ask people that you are friends with and know will be excited for you. You want people who are generally happy to be your bridesmaid, not someone who feels obligated. Unless your FSILs express to you that they REALLY want to be included, I would say that they would be happy just being guests.