bridal party clueless about rehearsal/day before wedding

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Stace126:  I’ve been in many weddings before and I’ve never heard of the day before the wedding being an all day event. I had a destination wedding so mine doesnt count haha. I am the MOH in my best friends wedding in 2 weeks and it isnt a full day affair. I’m coming into town that afternoon for the rehearsal dinner. So, I wouldnt assume that it’s common knowledge but maybe its different in other parts of the states. Can you have friends who arent in the wedding help if your bridal party isnt able to help decorate? 

Post # 4
Member
1943 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Stace126:  Ummm, I’ve been a bridesmaid in 4 different weddings. I’ve never taken the day before the wedding off to help with preparations.  I think bridal party should attend the wedding rehearsal the night before and the rehearsal dinner – that’s where their responsibility ends. It’s DEFINITELY NOT implied / known that they help with decorating.

Maybe if you ask nicely they’ll be more inclined to help, rather than demand they show because it’s their responsibility.

Post # 5
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’ve also never heard of the day before as a big event. I would never ask or expect my bms to do anything that day besides the rehersal. I can’t expect them to take a whole day off work 

Post # 6
Member
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Stace126:  I’ve been in 8 weddings, and I’ve never been off the entire day before unless I had to travel to get there. We usually decorated after the RD, ot the morning of, come to think of it. And the GM’s were never involved unless heavy things needed to be moved, let’s face it, men are unless in decorating lol!

Post # 7
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

And groomsmen decorating? Really? That’s really pushing it in my opinion. That def isn’t the Norm.

Post # 8
Member
6200 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I never would expect a full day off work, especially if it wasn’t extremely communicated from the beginning. Your GM was correct, in that it really isn’t his duty to help with decorating. It’s nice if they do, but I don’t think they should be expected to know they should have taken off of work.

Post # 9
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I was recently MOH at my FSIL’s wedding. I did take the day before off, but only because she A) asked me to. B) I have vacation time. C) there was a TON to finish up. D) I had already done most of the things for her wedding because of her living in another state. 

you should have asked people for help. and I agree with the groomsmen thing. They shouldn’t be allowed near decorations. My FI would ruin things for sure. 

Post # 10
Member
7193 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Stace126:  A few PPs have pointed out it’s not always expected, and I agree.

But what can you do from here? I suggest from here you ask personally, and phrase it like asking for a favour. e.g. “K, I would really appreciate some help setting up, is there any chance you can get there at 12 on Friday, or at least some time after?”

Even only an hour or two before the rehearsal can make a big difference. Or, you could shorten the rehearsal dinner and ask people if they can help before or after the RD.

Post # 11
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

I’ve been in a few weddings of friends and I have never been expected, let alone asked to take a day off work to decorate before a wedding. IMO, if its not in your budget to hire a decorator,  that’s your problem, not the bridal party’s.

Post # 12
Member
1169 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’ve been a MOH four times and have never been expected to make the day before an “all day event.” I’ve never been asked to help decorate or anything of that nature. I’m MOH in an upcoming wedding and I took a half day on Friday so I could be there for the rehearsal and dinner… I would be annoyed if I were expected to take a full day to help decorate..

 

Post # 13
Member
6503 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

No, it’s not implied or known. I have never ever taken an entire day off of work as a BM and DH has never done it as a GM. Also, none of our wedding party took off the day before either. If you want their help you can ask for it but you should not be demanding it. Also, I don’t know that I would take a day off to help decorate. This is not implied or known and it should not be expected. 

“GM C had the NERVE to say that he didn’t know that “decorating” was his responsibility.” I don’t understand why you say it this way. It’s NOT part of his responsibilities as a GM. It’s nice if they help out but it is definitely not a known responsibility.

Post # 14
Member
2992 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

In the old days, yes, this was a common practice and when I was a BM in several weddings in the 1980s – yes the wedding party was expected to help out with decorations and other wedding prep. Not any more. You will be lucky if these people nearest and dearest to you even show up for the rehearsal. Sad but true.

 

Post # 15
Member
2189 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I’ve been a bridesmaid quite a few times and I’ve never had to take the day before off. None of them even had a rehearsal dinner, although I know people do them. I think decorating should be something they volunteer for, not required to do.

 

Post # 16
Member
7385 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Stace126:  I have never heard of this before. I would never expect anyone to take a day off from work to decorate/organise my wedding. The only people responsible for those jobs are you, your FI and any paid vendors.

I think you are asking way too much from your friends and family. If they offer to help accept the help,  but to demand it and then seem upset because they do not want to give up a day of work is over the lione IMHO.

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