Bridal Party Dilemma!!

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm

My FI said I have too many briedmaids and that isn’t what he wants. I simply told him that the bridesmaids are picked by the bride and the groomsmen by the groom and that’s the end of that. He huffed for a min then got over it. I love all my sisters and friends and want them there on the day I wed.

Also, I don’t think it’s fair to ask people outside the bridal party to plan the events. So yes that would be weird. They should be invited but not asked to plan any events in my opinion.

Post # 3
716 posts
Busy bee

I don’t know, maybe I’m a contrarion, but I think it’s too early to pick a bridal party for a 2017 wedding.  I think you’ll be grateful for a smaller bridal party, just read some of the other therads on here.  And I think it’s perfectly fine for your close friends to volunteer for things, as long as you take a leadership role in letting everyone know who is doing what so that no one is stepping on each others toes.

Post # 4
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo

AussieBride2017:  We were in a similar situation and went with just the sisters in the BP. Easier than picking some friends, etc. However, my two BFFs stayed with me the night before the wedding, one performed our wedding ceremony (she was a true mutual friend so it made sense), and the other offered to do my make up. We all got ready together and it was a lot of fun and a good way to hang out with them. And I think they may have preferred it that way–they had all the fun but got to pick their own dresses. 🙂 Just a thought.

Post # 5
8 posts

Ugh, I’m feeling a lot of the same pressure, this has oddly been one of the most stressful parts of planning so far. My fiance doesn’t care how many BMs I have, but we are having a destination wedding and renting a house for our wedding that only has so many sleeping spaces that we had planned to offer the wedding party. My mom wants me to pick my sisters, my fiance hates my BFF and wants me to ask her not be in the wedding, and I feel obligated to ask the friends I have that I know who already offering to throw showers and things… It’s been one of the most debated parts of the wedding so far and makes me wish we weren’t having wedding parties at all. Sorry… no advice here, just mutual venting. 

Post # 6
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Personally, while I understand your FI’s sentiments about a small wedding, these are your girls, the ones who will be standing by you on your day. This choice isn’t really up to him. It’s up to you. I realize this wedding is about the both of you, but he doesn’t have to make any sacrifices, since he picked 3 guys, and now, miraculously, 3 has become the “magic” number, forcing you to change what you want.

I would honestly say that if you insist on having an even number, or you feel like you’re compromising too much or it’s too hard of a decision, I would honestly have no wedding party at all. At least you could propose the idea and see how your FI feels about having to cut down the amount of friends he wants to have.

DH and I had 6 people each and 1 reader. Our ceremony was non-religious, and very short as well, as in, under 10 minutes. That didn’t mean that our party had to be tiny. Also, we were up on risers, and the whole party couldn’t fit. Rather than have some on and some off, we had them all stand at ground level, while we stood up on the riser with our officiant (who doubled as a groomsman). That sort of gave us the intimate feeling of just being the 2 of us, even though 12 of our best friends stood at our sides. It’s something to consider, if possible, being up on a stand or something so that it feels more intimate, but still having the BM’s you want and choose.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  SoccerBee86.
Post # 7
1099 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I’m actually in the same boat with it being a little early to pick bridesmaids simply because I picked mine in 2012 (a full year before we were engaged) because my FI and I were moving 2000 miles away and I wanted to be able to ask in person. And since then, I’ve had 2 girls completely back out and we actually lost touch almost entirely. They aren’t even on the guest list actually.

I think if you give it some time, even if you are set on who you’d like, he may eventually be on board with having that many.

And as PP have said, the bride picks her side of the party and the groom picks his. If its uneven, who cares, then have them walk in separately.

Good luck!

Post # 9
133 posts
Blushing bee

choose the girls who are closest to you not because you feel obligated nor because you think their feelings will be hurt…. Why I say this is because I chose 2 of my girls because one (cousin)I said she’d be in my wedding long ago and another because I felt obligated …. They suck as bm the don’t coperate for nothing and don’t really care for my wedding ! If you don’t have a close bond with them don’t put them in but if you do you can choose whoever you want !

Post # 10
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

My FI has two- his best man is his brother and the other is his best friend since age 6. I have three- my sister is MOH, and my two best friends.  No one can argue when you draw a clear line in the sand with just siblings and best friends.

Post # 11
7911 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

AussieBride2017:  I would definitely wait till a year out. Relationships change and your feelings on the situation might too. 

You can be in the wedding party with out being a BM- I have done it twice. I was an “attendant” or in the south it’s called a “house party”. You wear a color of dress that matches the wedding (but different then BMs), you get a boutinniere, you get ready with the bride and BMs, go the rehearsal dinner, are in some pictures. Hand out programs, read, or do the guest book. Honeslty I was honored and had a lot of fun being included and was happy to not have to stand up there.

Post # 12
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

AussieBride2017:  I highly recommend waiting to pick your bridal party, like at least until 2016. I totally understand that you want to now, and I picked mine right away even though the wedding wasn’t for almost 2 years, but trust me… things change… you might end up choosing people that you wish you didn’t, and not choosing people that you wish you did.

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