Post # 1
Okay so they wedding is not until early 2017 but we are getting questions from everyone about the bridal party as our engagement party is approaching.
So basically my FI has 3 people he wants next to him – his brother, brother in law and best friend. I have 3sisters, 2 sister in laws and 3 highschool best friends and 2 University best friends and a long time friend who I consider my cousin. After our initial talks I said I could go with 6 of them and have 2 bridesmaid’s for each groomsmen. These would include, my twin sister, 1 sister, 1 sister in law and the 3 high school friends because they are the ones who are constant in my life and don’t cause me dramas out of all the ‘eligible’ friends.
However last week my FI said he really doesn’t want a huge bridal party or an uneven one because he wants the focus to be on just us (which I understand). After more discussions it turns out he is really against me having any more than 3. I am not opposed to having just 3- I would go with the sister portion of the 6 I have chosen. BUT I really want the 3 friends to be a part of everything – organising showers, bachelorette party, getting ready with me etc. (And it would be weird not getting them to do this too) How do I even go about this without them being actual bridesmaids/is that even possible?
I have heard of getting them to be something else like a reader etc. but we probably won’t do that in our ceremony. FI wants a short, sweet and simple civil ceremony. A website suggested making them my ‘something blue’ by getting them to wear an item of their chosing in blue, which I think is sweet but not completely sold on (trying to picture how I’d feel in their shoes). Is it an insult? I would have them in the party except that this is my FI’s day too and he really doesn’t want heaps of people up there with us. How have others tackled this or any suggestions?!
Post # 2
- Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm
My FI said I have too many briedmaids and that isn’t what he wants. I simply told him that the bridesmaids are picked by the bride and the groomsmen by the groom and that’s the end of that. He huffed for a min then got over it. I love all my sisters and friends and want them there on the day I wed.
Also, I don’t think it’s fair to ask people outside the bridal party to plan the events. So yes that would be weird. They should be invited but not asked to plan any events in my opinion.
Post # 3
I don’t know, maybe I’m a contrarion, but I think it’s too early to pick a bridal party for a 2017 wedding. I think you’ll be grateful for a smaller bridal party, just read some of the other therads on here. And I think it’s perfectly fine for your close friends to volunteer for things, as long as you take a leadership role in letting everyone know who is doing what so that no one is stepping on each others toes.
Post # 4
- Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo
AussieBride2017: We were in a similar situation and went with just the sisters in the BP. Easier than picking some friends, etc. However, my two BFFs stayed with me the night before the wedding, one performed our wedding ceremony (she was a true mutual friend so it made sense), and the other offered to do my make up. We all got ready together and it was a lot of fun and a good way to hang out with them. And I think they may have preferred it that way–they had all the fun but got to pick their own dresses. 🙂 Just a thought.
Post # 5
Ugh, I’m feeling a lot of the same pressure, this has oddly been one of the most stressful parts of planning so far. My fiance doesn’t care how many BMs I have, but we are having a destination wedding and renting a house for our wedding that only has so many sleeping spaces that we had planned to offer the wedding party. My mom wants me to pick my sisters, my fiance hates my BFF and wants me to ask her not be in the wedding, and I feel obligated to ask the friends I have that I know who already offering to throw showers and things… It’s been one of the most debated parts of the wedding so far and makes me wish we weren’t having wedding parties at all. Sorry… no advice here, just mutual venting.
Post # 6
Personally, while I understand your FI’s sentiments about a small wedding, these are your girls, the ones who will be standing by you on your day. This choice isn’t really up to him. It’s up to you. I realize this wedding is about the both of you, but he doesn’t have to make any sacrifices, since he picked 3 guys, and now, miraculously, 3 has become the “magic” number, forcing you to change what you want.
I would honestly say that if you insist on having an even number, or you feel like you’re compromising too much or it’s too hard of a decision, I would honestly have no wedding party at all. At least you could propose the idea and see how your FI feels about having to cut down the amount of friends he wants to have.
DH and I had 6 people each and 1 reader. Our ceremony was non-religious, and very short as well, as in, under 10 minutes. That didn’t mean that our party had to be tiny. Also, we were up on risers, and the whole party couldn’t fit. Rather than have some on and some off, we had them all stand at ground level, while we stood up on the riser with our officiant (who doubled as a groomsman). That sort of gave us the intimate feeling of just being the 2 of us, even though 12 of our best friends stood at our sides. It’s something to consider, if possible, being up on a stand or something so that it feels more intimate, but still having the BM’s you want and choose.
Post # 7
I’m actually in the same boat with it being a little early to pick bridesmaids simply because I picked mine in 2012 (a full year before we were engaged) because my FI and I were moving 2000 miles away and I wanted to be able to ask in person. And since then, I’ve had 2 girls completely back out and we actually lost touch almost entirely. They aren’t even on the guest list actually.
I think if you give it some time, even if you are set on who you’d like, he may eventually be on board with having that many.
And as PP have said, the bride picks her side of the party and the groom picks his. If its uneven, who cares, then have them walk in separately.
Post # 8
Thank you all so much for posting replies!! It has given me some options!
Olgarie: The three friends who may or may not be in the BP have offered to organise the events – I have not asked them for anything but their friendship. They are just that sort of group of girls to me.
jamb: Thank you – it is a bit early to officially ask anyone which is why I haven’t yet. I just keep getting asked questions about it by everyone. The only two I have specifically asked (and told them I will ask again closer to the date when I ask the others) is my twin sister and younger sister. They are the two sisters I have grown up with and am close to.
soontobeMrsBoo: That sounds fantastic!! I might have to do this in the end!
Post # 9
choose the girls who are closest to you not because you feel obligated nor because you think their feelings will be hurt…. Why I say this is because I chose 2 of my girls because one (cousin)I said she’d be in my wedding long ago and another because I felt obligated …. They suck as bm the don’t coperate for nothing and don’t really care for my wedding ! If you don’t have a close bond with them don’t put them in but if you do you can choose whoever you want !
Post # 10
My FI has two- his best man is his brother and the other is his best friend since age 6. I have three- my sister is MOH, and my two best friends. No one can argue when you draw a clear line in the sand with just siblings and best friends.
Post # 11
AussieBride2017: I would definitely wait till a year out. Relationships change and your feelings on the situation might too.
You can be in the wedding party with out being a BM- I have done it twice. I was an “attendant” or in the south it’s called a “house party”. You wear a color of dress that matches the wedding (but different then BMs), you get a boutinniere, you get ready with the bride and BMs, go the rehearsal dinner, are in some pictures. Hand out programs, read, or do the guest book. Honeslty I was honored and had a lot of fun being included and was happy to not have to stand up there.
Post # 12
AussieBride2017: I highly recommend waiting to pick your bridal party, like at least until 2016. I totally understand that you want to now, and I picked mine right away even though the wedding wasn’t for almost 2 years, but trust me… things change… you might end up choosing people that you wish you didn’t, and not choosing people that you wish you did.