Post # 1
Although I’ve been a longtime lurker, this is my first post on the boards and would like to thank you all in advance for any advice I receive from you super great gals! Also, I am going to apologize for the length of this problem so feel free to take a break while reading.
With that being said, I am recently engaged (about a month now) and am already starting to face some bridal party issues. Firstly, we were/maybe still are going to have a couple in our wedding that may be on the verge of calling off their engagemet (FI and I are going to be bridesmaid/groomsman in their wedding). Secondly, one of my close friends has been wooing me with engagement gifts/praise since I’ve become engaged and I’m hearing through the grapevine that she thinks she will be a bridesmaid and maybe even my Maid/Matron of Honor. This was a girl that I have loved dearly and has been one of my best friends, but given her behaviour in the last couple of years, being a mixture of unreliable and not very loyal (there’s been times where she’s chosen a mutual friend over me) I wasn’t even considering her to be a part of my bridal party. I am so confused…I really don’t know what to do with her. The last time she screwed me over I vowed to myself that I would stay ‘surface’ friends with her but never let her back in fully. This leads into another problem with a mutual friend of ours. This mutual friend and I have become much closer over the last couple of years and so have our significant others. I discussed wedding talk with her for months before my Fiance proposed and we both agreed that we would want to be in eachother’s wedding parties but don’t know how to go about this because we have a large group of friends and if we just picked eachother the others would be mad/offended. I also told her that I would never pick unreliable, untrustworthy friend (described above) b/c I don’t trust her anymore. I am now seeing that unreliable friend has been responding better (more excited, helpful) to my engagement then the other friend and am contemplating which one to put in the party (or both). I know that if I would put unreliable friend in the party the other friend would think my word meant nothing (and I don’t think she really likes unreliable friend much either).
Thirdly, I was thinking of having my Future Sister-In-Law be a bridesmaid as well. We are friendly but not very close and much of my decision to pick her depends on whether or not her and FBIL become engaged prior to our wedding (which they apparently should be- she is a nice girl, it would be a great gesture to have her as a bridesmaid and bring us closer, which is important to me considering I don’t have sisters of my own). Also, I know my Future Mother-In-Law would be appreciative of this gesture as well.
I should mention that aside from these choices I have two other girls that are FOR SURE picks. Also, we are trying to keep the party at 4 girls, 4 guys including best man and maid of honor. Who do I pick??? All of them, none of them. I’m starting to see that there is no clear choice here and each girl has her pros and cons.
Post # 3
This is a textbook example of why you’re not supposed to pick your bridal party early 🙂
You have plenty of time, and it sounds like a lot will change in the months leading up to your wedding. Don’t make any decisions now. If people ask, just tell them you are still figuring out wedding details and the size of the bridal party. Meanwhile, see who seems to be reliable and supportive as you begin your planning, who is truly interested in the wedding, etc.
Post # 4
I agree that you should wait and not tell anyone yet. You could probably wait until closer to the end of the year to make the decision and by that time, you should know who will be supportive and trustworthy for your wedding.
Post # 5
Definatley do not pick your bridal party yet. You have a year and a half just sit back and see what happens. Pick your bridal party about 8-9 mos before your wedding, then you will have no regrets. You don’t have to tell them anything yet just say you are waiting to see how the wedding is going to look
Post # 6
Thanks girls! I wasn’t planning on asking anyone until fall/winter of this year. I want to wait and see who steps up to the plate.
Any thoughts on the situation with the two mutual friends?? I think that is what I’m concerned with.
Post # 7
I agree with MissAsB. You still have so much time….. if your mutual friends do end up getting married, then ask them. If they don’t are you not asking them since you feel it will be awkward for them? If they don’t get married, you should talk with each separately, or choose only one to be in the wedding.
I ‘m not getting married until 7/1/11, and I have asked all of mine already – but I only asked one of my FI’s sisters. The other is doing a reading. Perhaps you could ask the other mutual friend to do a reading.
When it comes down to it – it’s YOUR wedding, and you shouldn’t be worried about anyone else’s opinion when it comes to your party. Pick who you think deserves to stand up for you!
Hope this helps!
Post # 8
I agree with the others…you need to wait and maybe things will be more clear.
another good piece of advice – NEVER do ANYTHING in your wedding out of obligation because, well….it’s YOUR wedding =)
i personally wouldn’t put an unreliable/bad friend in my wedding party
Post # 9
People are sometimes surprisingly happy to not be in your wedding. I say this as a perpetual bridesmaid. The first couple of times it’s exciting as heck. Then it becomes a very expensive nice time. Take your time in deciding and don’t worry about whether someone else thinks that they should be in your wedding. You are actually the smartest most knowledgeable person regarding who should be your bridesmaids – don’t forget that.
Post # 10
well i think you should consider who will realistically be in your life in the future too. the unreliable friend sounds like she’s pretty self-centered and is now trying to butter you up not because she cares about you but because she has some self-fulfilling desire to be a bridesmaid. she’s trying to bribe you with gifts?? that’s so silly. trust your instincts… if you’re having doubts, it’s for a reason. and who knows, her selfish behavior could easily spill into your wedding plans and she might screw you over somehow in regards to that… NOT good. if you and the other girl already talked about being in each others wedding, then chose her! and def choose the grooms sister, i did and i’m not particularly close to her but will be 🙂 it’s a good chance for bonding. i agree with the other girls, take your time, and don’t worry about others being mad or offended… it’s not their place to feel that way anyway. i’m lucky it was easy to pick my party: my sister, closest cousin, 2 best friends from high school, best friend from college, and grooms sis. i’ve had them all chosen for years.
Post # 11
@Kemi82Justice of the Peace…unreliable friend has been a bridesmaid before so I don’t think she has this eagerness to be one for that reason. I think she honestly thinks that after all this time and all the not so considerate things she’s done to me, I still consider her my best friend (I don’t obviously).
I dunno…I feel like each girl has sooo many pros and cons. I guess I’ll just have to keep waiting…but I’m so impatient and feel like its another thing off my list I just wanna cross off!
Post # 12
I would not choose the disloyal friend. But I would consider the Future Sister-In-Law. But you have lots of time to decide.