Post # 1
hello my fellow bees,
i am hoping i can get inspiration, or strength, that i can have for myself and also pass along to my Fiance. when we first got engaged, mr. lace didn’t have hesitation about who he wanted to have as his best man. from that day on, it has literally been pulling teeth – literally!
my Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaid are out of town, as is his other groomsman, so when it came to going suit shopping i was hoping mr. lace and best man would go together and have a fun time with it. mr. lace and i had gone earlier and found his, but no one else had. we tried calling him for weeks and he wouldn’t return calls. he hasn’t called us to ask how things are going, he doesn’t offer help, he hasn’t even seen mr. lace in probably a year! A YEAR! it’s his best man!!! best man has been friends with mr. lace for years, and i can’t sit around and watch him get hurt from his friend not being interested.
in my opinion, it is an honour to be asked to take that roll. mr. lace could have had MANY other options of who he could ask, but he didn’t even question it. i find it extremely disrespectful. i sent a text message to best man a few months ago, and he said he wasn’t offended by what i said but he was busy and his main focus was his girlfriend and he didn’t have time. in my opinion, if you didn’t have time, you shouldn’t have taken on the role.
now that we are coming up close to the wedding, we are doing a schedule and mr. lace called him yesterday to explain he would need to be available thursday for bachelor, friday for rehearsal and dinner and saturday obviously for wedding. we also explained that we are renting a large suv, instead of doing a limo – so we were hoping he would drive. that being said, the rental only has room for the bridal party and his Girlfriend would need to go with someone else or on her own. we are going from a rural ceremony at a family members house to the zoo (which again, we have paid for only our bridal party) and then to the reception. best man came back and said he wouldn’t be coming in our vehicle because he can’t let his Girlfriend drive alone. really – these are 35 year old people?! i understand its an inconvenience not being with your Girlfriend for 2 hours, but the whole point of us getting the rental was so everyone was together.
i am soooo sick of this, and i am ready to tell mr. lace that he needs to question if best man even still deserves that title.
i am sorry for that rant, but i am really hoping we can get some advice. i also hope i havent offended anyone in our opinions.
Post # 3
I know that must be very frustrating. I think a lot of wedding frustration comes from other people not living up to our hopes and wishes.
I have to add, though – and I’m sorry to be one of those people – but the word “literally” means something that actually happens. It’s not a word that just emphasizes the rest of what you’re saying. So if it’s been literally pulling teeth, that means that you pulled the actual teeth out of someone’s mouth.
I think you meant to say that it has been just like pulling teeth – that it has been as frustrating as pulling teeth would be. You mean it has been figuratively pulling teeth. Not literally.
I only jumped on that because you reiterated it.
Post # 4
@Ms-Lace: You didn’t offend me at all. In fact by what I am going to say, I may offend someone. If “BM” can’t leave his “GF” for a couple hours at 35 years old and hasn’t had time for “Mr Lace” then he doesn’t deserve to be “BM”. I’d tell him Thank you “BM” but we won’t be needing your services at the wedding afterall”. Explain to him that it is important to Mr Lace that he be a part of the wedding party completely, not partially and when he accepted being “BM” that is what he accepted. He accepted the responsiblity, the time, duties, whatever you want to call them as being with and doing what needs to be done with “Mr Lace” and the “ENTIRE” wedding party. And if he decides that he doesn’t want to attend the wedding after that, then he wasn’t Mr Lace’s friend.
With all that said, if I offended anyone, I apologize. I hope I helped. Good luck, Ms. Lace :0)
Post # 5
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with the situation? It’s like he doesn’t want to be a part of it, and wants to just be a guest with the meal and free drinks. He needs to step up, and we have tried him we expect more of him but he just says he is too busy.
I understand the lack of calling to a point, but he needs to be with the bridal party that day and not off on his own.
Post # 6
@prncsd: thank you. i hope that is what happens because i am very disappointed, but mr. lace has a hard time being stern.
Post # 7
@Ms-Lace: When my Fiance was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in a wedding the bride went above and beyond and made sure I knew who was invited that could offer me a ride from the hotel to the church and then the reception.
What I would do is call up Bridesmaid or Best Man and tell him as part of the bridal party and a very important part it is his duty to ride all together. I’m sure his Girlfriend will know other guests and he can set up a ride with one of them if she is so scared to drive alone. If he can’t make that effort then I would seriously ask him to step down. I don’t think guys have that much responsiblity before the wedding, so the day of the wedding he shouldn’t mind giving up two hours of his life to make his best friend’s day special.