Post # 1
I need a little help and advice. I am so frustrated and emotional over this situation And I am not even sure if its worth feeling this way.
i have a 5 person bridal party (I wish it was smaller… Agh) and ever since things are kicking into gear with wedding planning its like pulling teeth and nails to get them to help with anything. My MOH is awesome. she is the best and doing everything I need help with and its helping… But the rest of my girls. So MIA its ridiculous. My shower is coming up at the end of the month. I have asked them all for help and to at least talk to the MOH to put some input into it. Now, 4 of them have told me they cant come because of things that came. For heavens sake… I told them far in advance the dates for everything wedding related.
so, now my MOH and mother in law are doing everything and I am even stepping in to cover lose ends for my shower.
i have talked to them all multiple times. And they agree “yeah we should do things!” And they just don’t.
Im hurt and I embarrassed.
Post # 3
@cincinnatibride716: Did you outline your expectations of the girls before you asked them? Or did you assume they would know you wanted their help and to plan a bridal shower?
Post # 4
I made an outline. I simply stated what was going on and what I would need help on. They knew this a year ago when I asked
Post # 5
@cincinnatibride716: Oh man, this post is probably going to get heated and you aren’t going to get answers that you like. A lot of people seem to think that all that bridesmaids need to do is to buy a dress and show up.
I really don’t know what to tell you. They should be helping you out, but I think that you need to talk to them and tell them that they are hurting you and that you are disappointed that they won’t be there. I do agree that they should be helping you out, but sometimes friends get funny and they aren’t very nice.
Post # 6
@FoxyBride14: “”A lot of people seem to think that all that bridesmaids need to do is to buy a dress and show up.””
Which, for the most part, is foolishness, IMO. If someone is a good enough friend for you to ask them to be in your bridal party, I don’t see why you can’t expect their friendship and support during planning (in addition to buying a dress and showing up). I’ve had it up to here with people who think they’re excused from treating their friends in a kind and loving way.
Post # 7
I had te same problem =s i told them what I expected and what they needed to do and they agreed, and time rolls around and my MOH started planning and it was like pulling teeth trying to get my mother to even help. I stepped in ALOT ( embarassing =c i even helped pay for things.) I couldnt hound ppl anymore. The bridal shower was yesterday. It was AMAZING. Even if i help with picking the place, food and made the thank you favours, bridesmaid not showing up. Seeing everyone, games and high tea was amazing. Dont be dishartened, and dont let them ruin itor f you. IF they want to miss out on all the fun let them. It’ll be fine =D
Post # 8
@Overjoyed: Me too, and I agree with you 100%.
Post # 9
@cincinnatibride716: Sorry to hear that 🙁 that’s really rough. I think you’ve done almost everything you can. You could ask your MOH to get on their case or something else, but I think it’s okay to accept that they are not being very helpful. This is a reflection on them that they might pay for later (when they ask you to be a BM and you don’t do anything for them!)
Post # 10
You know what, Don’t even sweat it. You know that saying that goes something like, you can’t count on anyone else to do something for you? Well it’s true. Yeah I know, its a wonderful thought to think that someone would help you throw a party and that they will help you tie up loose ends and sorta set things in motion but in reality, I don’t think it ever happens. In my friends wedding, the other BM’s were completely useless drunks and my friend was complaining about it the whole time. I felt sorta bad for her but I just did all I could and I’m sure thats what ur MOH is doing, all that she can. But you can’t feel bad for her, she’s doing it for you cause she loves you, otherwise she would have hung it up a long time ago. I know it can be frustrating but instead of calling them out now, its so not worth it, just take it as it is and don’t count on them for anything. If you set your expectations high then you’ll dissappoint yourself. Its depressing but just set your expectations low and you’ll be pleasantly surprised and you’ll actually be surprised at how much your mom and MOH will step in and do for you and for the sake of you being happy.
The same thing happened to me for my anniversary party. Everyone and their mamas knew my wedding day and I sent out the invites a whole month in advance and would u believe some people still said they had stuff to do on that day and couldn’t attend?! I think I was livid for days but what can you do? Just vent, get it out of your system, lower your expectations and move on. Yeah I completely agree with you, you shouldn’t have to lower your expectations, but its the ugly trugh. I’m sorry bee. It’ll be just fine I promise, other people will help you out. They will see you need help and its funny who you’ll see step in and help at your time of need. 🙂
Post # 11
@Overjoyed: I’ve had it up to here with people who think they’re excused from treating their friends in a kind and loving way.
Yes, Yes, Yes + 1000000000!!!!!
I don’t agree with a bride bullying her bridesmaids or friends AT ALL —- BUT she should get a little consideration in return! I’m also sick of the notion of just buy a dress and show up – if that was really true you wouldn’t be asking your closest friends or family to stand up with you, you could ask a stranger! Such a shame that people have turned so cold to the idea of simply being a friend. I’ve managed to be a responsive bridesmaid both times I’ve done and I still had my own life going on.
Post # 12
@Overjoyed: Gosh I could not agree more. I feel like I get berated when I tell people I EXPECT my BM;s to do the shoer/bachelorette/support stuff
Post # 13
@JessSeny: Well you will get berated on here. That’s why I would never post a vent about my BM on this website. It’s not worth it to be made to feel like more like crap.
Post # 14
@FoxyBride14: I know it’s awful. My BM’s are wonderful and we all have the same mindset about our “roles” but just trying to help defend other girls when they get upset I just get so much guff.
Post # 15
I’m torn, I understand why you’re frustrated. These girls agreed to help and are now even skipping your shower, not ok. I believe the bm’s responsibility is to show up to all wedding events, they are not required to throw your shower, moh role there, yet they should help out and most definitely should be in attendance. I can’t imagine skipping a close friend’s shower unless I absolutely could not make it. I think your friends are crappy friends, unless they have decent reasons dfor skipping your shower, may be time to find new ones.
Post # 16
Your feedbacks have been very helpful. Its been so frustraited. My FI is like, replace them.. not the answer i feel sometimes (i have thought about it) but they have the dresses and such… agh, its been a nightmare. Specially throughout this past year I have been extremly close to others and wish they could be up there instead.
Part of me is like “screw it” and throw my hands up. Its not worth getting so emotionally drained over the drama and the inconsideration. All that matters is on the wedding day they show up and dont b*(@# anymore… lol
I would def. have done a lot of things different… is it october yet and this can be done???
Ill update ya’ll after my shower…