- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
Hey Bees~ I know this topic comes up a lot but I had to ask under my own circumstances.
What do you think?
We created our bridal party, keeping it small for cost reasons. I chose my college best friend as my MOH and my two current close friends as my bridesmaids. My FI chose his close cousin as his Best Man and two close friends as his groomsmen.
I have a sister and brother that I just “met” a few years ago that I keep in touch with but we are not “close” per say (we are half siblings). My third brother (also half) has known me my whole life but is 41 yrs. old. We are not really close but we see each other a few times a year and we send cards to each other and when my parents die I know we will be there for each other. Point being, that I don’t have any family members close enough to be in the bridal party besides MAYBE that last brother I mentioned. I have A TON of girlfriends I’d love to have as bridesmaids but I had to cut it where I did. I had to make a decision.
My FI has two sisters, one 5 yrs younger and the other 8 yrs younger. They aren’t super close but they aren’t distant either. Kindof somewhere in the middle. They talk on the phone though maybe every few weeks (we’re all in college at certain levels).
My mom had mentioned about me maybe putting his sisters as bridesmaids but then he and I talked about it and thought that no, that was silly because it would throw everything off and then we couldn’t add our close friends that were important to us (they’d be there through everything anyway) and that if he had 2 sisters and a cousin in the bridal party…then who would I have as family? no one? add my random brother just for the sake of it? then we’d be increasing gift and rehearsal dinner costs…it was just messing everything we had decided up…if I was going to mess stuff up, I wanted to mess it up by adding more of MY close friends who I was really upset about not being able to ask..not his sisters that we hardly ever see and are mediocrely close with. My FI said that if he had brothers, he would add them to his groomsmen but his sisters have been close with each other and not as much with him so he didn’t really think to add them to the bridal party…
Fast forward to yesterday. FI gets a call from my FMIL saying that we should really think about how things will be down the road if we don’t add at least the older of the two sisters…that traditionally his sister would be added to my bridesmaids…and that your bridal party should be family, yadda yadda. She also mentions that FSIL might be offended at not being asked. So then, after also having to argue with her about how we don’t want tuxedos…he has to try to figure out if this sister ACTUALLY is a little offended OR was just being hounded by his mother about it…his mom likes to plant little seeds of worry or ideas into the children’s head. FI calls up youngest sister and she says FMIL had called her and asked if she was offended at not getting asked. Youngest sister tells FMIL that she’s being silly and that she loves us but it’s our day, it’s not about her and that it doesn’t offend her at all…that she doesn’t care. FI calls up middle child/older of the two sisters… and she says FMIL also called her. From what FI says, it sounds like FMIL just went around telling the girls about how sisters are usually added to the bridesmaids and “aren’t [you] offended you’re not going to be in the bridal party at your brother’s wedding when people who are just friends will be?”. FI says this sister thinks FMIL is being overbearing and too traditional and that everyone does what’s best for them. This sister is quite mature in a lot of ways and I believe her when she says she’s not offended per say..but I still wonder if she IS in fact upset….
We had no idea the adding or not adding of his sisters to our bridal party was going to be such a big deal. His mom is a piece of work, I have to add and anyone will agree. Part of me wants to not add them just to spite his mom because I’m tired of her always getting what she wants and whining about it if she doesn’t and being immature. I would then not have any family in the party and she would get her way. She has been rude to my mother in the past (and myself) so I feel very defensive of my family and their place in the wedding too. I have a large collection of aunts, uncles, cousins, 2nd cousins but I’m not really close to any of them. We love to see each other for holidays and keep in touch but we don’t all talk all the time so I never considered any of them for the bridal party.
So, should I add them both and try to not care about letting FMIL “have her way” or not and just worry about his sister having her feelings hurt? I mean…I thought our bridal party was supposed to be people we converse with everyday…the people who help us through hard times, the people who you have fun with…THE PEOPLE WE HAVE ALREADY CHOSEN FOR OUR BRIDAL PARTY ?? I have a big family but I don’t have these “family values” it seems his mom keeps driving in….I feel like friends can be more important than family in many ways…friends have proven more important to me than family sometimes and I don’t think that blood always has to be a deciding factor in things. It’s not like his sisters won’t be right there with us the whole time…in pictures, etc. I thought my bridesmaids were supposed to be people who are close to me! MY friends…bridezilla attack. I’d add his sisters FOR my FI if I thought it was so important to him but it’s not! he doesn’t really care..
so I have to decide how much (if at all) it would hurt his sister (or sisterS) to not be in the party…and if I want to even worry about that…
These are the times when I want to just either give up or go elope. this is ridiculous. it’s a wedding not the end of the world. I want to just focus on my man!!!
I feel like such a maniac.
Options are in the poll….