Bridal Party Guests?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It is proper “etiquette” that your wedding attendants get a date, no matter the circumstances. 

Post # 4
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@FutureMrsRoos:  Please don’t judge your friends relationships, everyone should get a +1 so they can enjoy the night with someone.

Post # 5
Member
716 posts
Busy bee

Yea, it’s very rude to discriminate.  They’re grown men, let them figure out what to do with themselves.

Post # 6
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would invite them all with a +1. You’re only talking about 2 additional people.

Post # 7
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

I would allow them to come. it would be nice to invite them because your bridesmaids I’m sure put a lot into the wedding. since they won’t even really know anyone though there is a chance they may not come. I was in the same boat – I ended up inviting my bridesmaids new significant other and he didn’t end up coming because he wouldn’t know anyone and the bridesmaid would be busy that day doing wedding stuff. It’s up to you though!

Post # 8
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

YES! You invite them. here’s a thought too. Why don’t you get to know your BM’s BFs?  Since they are such good firends that you want standing up for your relationship, how about you give them the same respect and get to know theirs?

Post # 9
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@FutureMrsRoos:  I think it’s a nice thing to allow your friends (especially those standing up with you) to bring their date. Etiquette or not- if I’m buying a dress and shoes and doing what I can to make sure you have a wonderful wedding day, it’s only fair that you don’t make me go alone. 

My best friend had literally EIGHT wedding guests: her parents, his parents, her brother, his brother, me and my boyfriend of 8 months. She had only met my boyfriend maybe 3 times and her FI never had. But she would never have expected me to spend the weekend helping her have the perfect wedding and NOT allowed me to bring someone. 

Post # 10
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I’m sure they will be able to decide whether they want to come if they cant spend all day with your BMs… It would be rude not to extend them the invitation… 

Post # 11
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think for those in the wedding party, it’s a nice gesture to give a +1 (especially since you know they’re dating someone).

I didn’t give my single guests plus ones, but I did give +1 to our wedding party members – they were giving up time and money to support my relationship… they deserved special consideration.

 

Post # 12
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Give +1s to your wedding party. 

I’m not giving my single friends +1s but I am to my wedding party.

Post # 13
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee

First of all, although the “rule” is commonly quoted on weddingboards that “etiquette requires” all attendants be “given a plus-one”, and that inviting single friends as just that — single friends — is “judging their relationships”, neither claim is technically true.

The latter actually, is a matter of listening to the signals that your single friends are sending. Etiquette requires that any couple who has made a mutual public lifelong commitment be both invited to any social occasion where either one is invited. Marriage, engagement, and public co-habitation (politely considered to be “marriage by habit and repute”) all qualify as public committed relationships. No-one should ever be snubbed because they aren’t wearing a ring — neither marriage nor engagement actually require specific jewelry. But inviting singly someone who lives singly and does not yet feel ready to announce their engagement, is far from being a snub. It is letting them take the lead in their own relationships.

That being said, as hostess you are under an obligation to ensure that all your guests have a pleasant evening. All your guests — not just the single ones, but certainly including them — must be carefully introduced to other guests so that they form interesting conversation circles, and they must be seated with dinner partners whom they will find entertaining. You must also be gracious to your bridesmaids who are giving up their day — perhaps several days, and other sacrifices — to make you happy. Traditional formal etiquette required that you choose single attendants precisely because of the conflicting duties and time constraints that you detail so well, but I have never heard of a modern bride feeling constrained by that consideration. Traditional formal etiquette also requires that you engage with the important relationships in the lives of your closest friends. You must make every effort to get to know your remaining two bridesmaids’ young men, if necessary in the 5% of the time that they are in town. You must make a point of inviting your girlfriend and her important gentleman out for coffee even at your own inconvenience, or having them over for dinner on one of his trips to town — or both.

Then, of course, you must also take into account the comfort of all four young men — and the girlfriends of your groom’s attendants if any — while their partners are otherwise engaged. Arrange a little brunch for them at the home of a mutual friend while you and your girls are getting ready. Invite them along for the pictures with a picnic lunch of little delicacies they can enjoy while their friends are attending on you at the picture session. Take extra care with your seating arrangements where they are concerned, and make sure that they are comfortably re-seated together once the dancing begins, and so on. These are the extra responsibilities a bride takes on when she selects attendants who are not strictly single.

Post # 14
Member
4163 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I would give everyone in the wedding party a guest, and I would not do a traditional head table- let people sit with their significant others. We were able to fit all of the spouses at our table, but we had a smaller wedding party- no reason you can’t have two tables for your wedding party and their guests.

Post # 16
Member
5008 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

You should definitely let them bring their boyfriends. I also agree with a PP that you shouldn’t do a head table. I went to a wedding once where I had to sit at the “girlfriends of the groomsmen” table and it was not fun at all. If they’ve spent all sorts of time and money on your day, they should be able to sit with their men during the reception and have fun! 🙂 

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