Post # 1
So long story short I have 4 bridesmaids (1 is the MOH) They are all in relationships. 2 of the 4 ladies boyfriends we are friends with the other 2 we dont even know. This probably comes down to the fact that the first ladies are in long term relationships the other two are not.
So heres the thing, the 2 girls who boyfreinds we dont know, do we allow them to bring them? I feel like it will be awkward because the wedding is close friends and family only. Before the ceremony the girls will be busy with me anyway, durring the ceremony are they going to sit there and watch 2 people they dont even really know share vows, they wont know anyone else there, then after the ceremony I have a short time for pictures so I cant really have them go off and hang with their men, then at the reception they will all be sitting with me at the head table. So all in all their boyfriends would basically be alone all day untill after the dinner not knowing anyone else. So im thinking maybe just invite them to come after the dinner but I think that might be rude?
What did other people do?
ETA: Its not that we dont want to be friends with their boyfriends but they each have situations that have prevented us from forming any type of friendship or relationship (ie: one works out of town for 95% of the time). We arent just like no we dont like them they arent coming lol
Post # 3
It is proper “etiquette” that your wedding attendants get a date, no matter the circumstances.
Post # 4
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@FutureMrsRoos: Please don’t judge your friends relationships, everyone should get a +1 so they can enjoy the night with someone.
Post # 5
Yea, it’s very rude to discriminate. They’re grown men, let them figure out what to do with themselves.
Post # 6
I would invite them all with a +1. You’re only talking about 2 additional people.
Post # 7
I would allow them to come. it would be nice to invite them because your bridesmaids I’m sure put a lot into the wedding. since they won’t even really know anyone though there is a chance they may not come. I was in the same boat – I ended up inviting my bridesmaids new significant other and he didn’t end up coming because he wouldn’t know anyone and the bridesmaid would be busy that day doing wedding stuff. It’s up to you though!
Post # 8
YES! You invite them. here’s a thought too. Why don’t you get to know your BM’s BFs? Since they are such good firends that you want standing up for your relationship, how about you give them the same respect and get to know theirs?
Post # 9
@FutureMrsRoos: I think it’s a nice thing to allow your friends (especially those standing up with you) to bring their date. Etiquette or not- if I’m buying a dress and shoes and doing what I can to make sure you have a wonderful wedding day, it’s only fair that you don’t make me go alone.
My best friend had literally EIGHT wedding guests: her parents, his parents, her brother, his brother, me and my boyfriend of 8 months. She had only met my boyfriend maybe 3 times and her FI never had. But she would never have expected me to spend the weekend helping her have the perfect wedding and NOT allowed me to bring someone.
Post # 10
I’m sure they will be able to decide whether they want to come if they cant spend all day with your BMs… It would be rude not to extend them the invitation…
Post # 11
I think for those in the wedding party, it’s a nice gesture to give a +1 (especially since you know they’re dating someone).
I didn’t give my single guests plus ones, but I did give +1 to our wedding party members – they were giving up time and money to support my relationship… they deserved special consideration.
Post # 12
Give +1s to your wedding party.
I’m not giving my single friends +1s but I am to my wedding party.
Post # 13
First of all, although the “rule” is commonly quoted on weddingboards that “etiquette requires” all attendants be “given a plus-one”, and that inviting single friends as just that — single friends — is “judging their relationships”, neither claim is technically true.
The latter actually, is a matter of listening to the signals that your single friends are sending. Etiquette requires that any couple who has made a mutual public lifelong commitment be both invited to any social occasion where either one is invited. Marriage, engagement, and public co-habitation (politely considered to be “marriage by habit and repute”) all qualify as public committed relationships. No-one should ever be snubbed because they aren’t wearing a ring — neither marriage nor engagement actually require specific jewelry. But inviting singly someone who lives singly and does not yet feel ready to announce their engagement, is far from being a snub. It is letting them take the lead in their own relationships.
That being said, as hostess you are under an obligation to ensure that all your guests have a pleasant evening. All your guests — not just the single ones, but certainly including them — must be carefully introduced to other guests so that they form interesting conversation circles, and they must be seated with dinner partners whom they will find entertaining. You must also be gracious to your bridesmaids who are giving up their day — perhaps several days, and other sacrifices — to make you happy. Traditional formal etiquette required that you choose single attendants precisely because of the conflicting duties and time constraints that you detail so well, but I have never heard of a modern bride feeling constrained by that consideration. Traditional formal etiquette also requires that you engage with the important relationships in the lives of your closest friends. You must make every effort to get to know your remaining two bridesmaids’ young men, if necessary in the 5% of the time that they are in town. You must make a point of inviting your girlfriend and her important gentleman out for coffee even at your own inconvenience, or having them over for dinner on one of his trips to town — or both.
Then, of course, you must also take into account the comfort of all four young men — and the girlfriends of your groom’s attendants if any — while their partners are otherwise engaged. Arrange a little brunch for them at the home of a mutual friend while you and your girls are getting ready. Invite them along for the pictures with a picnic lunch of little delicacies they can enjoy while their friends are attending on you at the picture session. Take extra care with your seating arrangements where they are concerned, and make sure that they are comfortably re-seated together once the dancing begins, and so on. These are the extra responsibilities a bride takes on when she selects attendants who are not strictly single.
Post # 14
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I would give everyone in the wedding party a guest, and I would not do a traditional head table- let people sit with their significant others. We were able to fit all of the spouses at our table, but we had a smaller wedding party- no reason you can’t have two tables for your wedding party and their guests.
Post # 15
Im definetly not giving up my head table, people can eat one meal away from the guy they have been dating for 3 months!!
Im not juding their relationships at all they can date who they want, whether they are coming to my wedding is totally different. I dont know these men and I have a feeling one in particular will be extremly needy and be mad at the BM for not paying enough attention to him and leaving him alone while she is doing wedding party stuff.
And to be honest I dont want to invite them to pictures because I need the girls focused on the small amount of time I have with my VERY pricey photographer not keeping their boyfriends company.
I am such a low maintenance friend I dont require anything from people, but I feel guilty for wanting one day where my 4 best friends are focused on me and my wedding.
Post # 16
You should definitely let them bring their boyfriends. I also agree with a PP that you shouldn’t do a head table. I went to a wedding once where I had to sit at the “girlfriends of the groomsmen” table and it was not fun at all. If they’ve spent all sorts of time and money on your day, they should be able to sit with their men during the reception and have fun! 🙂