Post # 3
If you really want a bridal party, maybe you could drop everybody but your best friend and just offer to pay for half of her dress. People have been hit pretty hard lately by gas and food prices, so maybe she was just caught off guard…are they having to pay for other things too, like travel/shoes/hotel/hair/makeup?
Post # 4
WOW – you have a lot going on, I sympathise with you, that type of stress is not what you need. I suggest having a nice intimate wedding with you and your family – husband, daughter and ring bearer. Perhaps at a later date when you sister is out of the hospital and a few weeks or months into being Mrs. S. have a nice dinner party with friends and family. I wish you all the best though – just keep in mind what is truly important to you and your family.
Post # 5
I’m really sorry you’re having this added stress during wedding planning. It happens to all of us, as we are very focused on our wedding, but unfortunately, life doesn’t stop around us, especially for those in the bridal party.
Completely understand that you want a bridal party up there with you and to experience all of this with you, too. I mean this in the nicest way possible, if your closest family/friends are being kind of flaky at this stage, will replacements that you choose be any more responsive given that the wedding is 2 months away?
If the answer is yes, then let the current BMs off the hook and ask new ones. If the answer is no, I like amysue’s suggestion. It’s really never about the money, it’s more about the commitment and time that you expect from your BMs.
People usually accept because they’re honored, but when they realize how much they need to make time for the bride as stuff starts to happen, sometimes it’s harder to make time in your already busy schedule.
Post # 6
I love amysue’s suggestion! It would be much less stress to have 1 BM than several, and you could afford to help her cover expenses as needed. Good luck!
Post # 7
Oh girl! I sympathise w/you totally! And I only have one problem maid! ha ha… I agree w/ amysue’s suggestion but I also understand how you can be agree and feel betrayed by your MOH/bff. My long time bf is not my MOH (my sis is), I didn’t even ask her to be in the wedding she just assumed – which is a whole different story. But my point is – after she invited herself into my wedding party she has not paid for one single thing (I bought the maids their dress and shoes). All I have asked is that they get themselves to vegas and pay for hair and make up. We are only three months out – she has not booked her trip and she has refused to pay to get her hair/make up done…
***I feel like my wedding is not a priority for her and she just likes the idea of being my bm but doesn’t care enough to make an effort, so do I want to help her out anymore financial? No, not to mention the fact I am not made of money.
Man, I am an AW today – And for that I apologize!
Post # 8
We are both just having one person stand up for us – my sister for me, and his brother for him – and it is one of the best decisions we made. Particularly since his brother has been laid off and so doesn’t have much money, and my sister is still trying to lose some baby weight. It helps so much that we can just let his brother wear a suit he already has, rather than spending the money (which he doesn’t have) to rent a tux – and my sister is still shopping and dieting, but that’s fine. She’s just going off the rack (JCrew, I think) but since neither of them have to match anybody there is no stress. Since they both live a a ways away from us, other good friends are taking care of the bachelor/bachelorette parties and such. So literally all either one of them has to do is be supportive – which is the main thing anyway, right?
In your position, I would either scrap the attendants altogether, or maybe pick one good friend who has been there for you in the planning process and is really interested in being involved. Like ErinMarieMack says, that way you can maybe pitch in for part of the dress. And seriously, most of us are way more willing to spend some money on a dress we actually like, look good in, and will wear again – which doesn’t describe a single BM dress I have ever had. If you can just give your BM some guidelines on color and let her shop, you may see more enthusiasm on that front. (I told my sister pink, lavender, or cranberry. She now seems to have six dresses ordered or on hold, and I guess I am going to get to pick what she wears anyway, as she can’t decide.)
I agree that it’s always fun to be asked to be a BM. The reality of spending money you might not have on fairly frivolous purchases for someone else’s day is another thing – and while it would be nice if everybody could be sufficiently supportive as to not just suck it up but actually be happy about it, you do have to recognize that this day is no way as important to any of them as it is to you. It’s just the way it goes.
Post # 9
If he doesn’t have a bunch of guys standing up with him I suggest just having your children or what amysue suggested and offering to help out by paying for part of or all of your MOH’s dress. You can probably afford at least part of it if you are not doing gifts for all of the other girls in your wedding party. This will save you a lot of stress. If he has 3 or 4 guys I would pay for part of your MOH’s and your cousin’s dresses and just have a lopsided party. Check with them to see what they can afford.
The only other option is to find a much cheaper dress.