Bridal Party not planning shower… Vent/HeLp!!

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
42472 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Can they pick another date where maybe just one of them won’t be able to attend?

It’s hard to find dates when everyone is available.

Post # 4
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

@LettiBug:  My shower will be 5 days before the wedding. Is it ideal? Maybe not, but that is the only time that worked given my family has to travel from out of state. It will only be about 2 hours and it will be a nice respite from planning and prepping.

You have plenty of time between now and the wedding to prepare, I would suggest going for the week before the wedding. You can spend the two hours enjoying other people’s company and spending time with family. You don’t have to do anything for the shower, so it wouldn’t be any extra tasks. It would just be a matter if other people can make it. 

Otherwise, you may have to do what the other PP said and host it when one person may not be able to attend.

Post # 6
Member
1838 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

iduno, that stinks…… i would probably just have it the weekend before my wedding b/c i wouldnt have wanted to make my bridesmaids plan/come to my shower if they didn’t want to. the other option is to just have your MIL plan it for the weekend you want and either they show up or they don’t.

Post # 7
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

@LettiBug:  Well, it sucks, but they may want to go out of town or spend the weekend with family. Some people only get a few long weekends a year and like to do special things then. 

Can you have it on a week night at some point in the next few months? I find it hard to believe there are only 2 dates between now and October that could work.

Post # 8
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@LettiBug:  I find it hard to believe that from now until Mid-Oct there are only 2 dates that work for the bridesmaids????

I have to agree that labor day weekend is not ideal since most of your guests will most likely have plans for the weekend (if they are anything like my family and social circle). 

I realize that as the bride, many people feel that you shouldn’t have a say or help plan your shower, but I think I’d intervene in this situation. I would tell the BMs and FMIL that you are going to meet for coffee on XX date and hash out every possible date for this shower. If there is a date that works for most but maybe not all then go with it. 

TBH, I would not be happy with those two dates picked by the BMs but I would actually pick the week before over Labor day.

Post # 9
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I realize that this is not what you want to hear… but you are not entitled to a shower, and your bridesmaids are not obligated to throw you one.  Contrary to popular belief, it’s not a job title.

I don’t mean to be snarky, but consider this perspective: you are complaining about their whining “butttttt it’s Laborrrr Dayyyyy weekendddd…”; meanwhile, you are whining, “they aren’t planning a party for me to be the center of attention and get extra presentssss…”

Let your FMIL plan it if that’s what she wants to do (and on whatever date), and if one of your bridesmaids can’t make it due to a pre-planned obligation, oh well.

Post # 10
Member
2912 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Not all the maids need to attend. Find a date that works best for the majority and have it then.

 

Post # 11
Member
3084 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@FutureMrsLAL:  not for anything, but I’m sure THESE girls had showers planned for them. And the FMIL is OFFERING TO PAY. So they really don’t have to do anything but show up, since it seems like MIL is willing to do it as well. I just don’t get why they waited so long to plan this. It’s kind of ridiculous in my opinion, because these girls wouldn’t like to be treated that way. 

 

And I’m sorry but I completely disagree with everyone who says that all bridesmaids have to do is show up and wear a dress. if that’s all that they have to do then what’s the point of being bridesmaid? Just be a guest. 

Post # 12
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Why not have 2 showers. Have the one on Labor Day for your family and friends, and then let your FMIL throw you one for her side of the family and friends on a date that is convenient for her. 

Post # 13
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014 - South Bonson Pier & Community Centre

If MIL is willing and able to do it, I would let her plan it (hopefully for a day most of them can attend) – and just say that she REALLY wanted to do this for you. and that it was very important to HER. that way, you’re not so much in the middle of it.

Post # 14
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Not all the BMs have to attend. I say choose another weekend tht works for the majority. They’re being ridiculous about the Labor Day thing!

Post # 15
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@FoxyBride14: 

 

not for anything, but I’m sure THESE girls had showers planned for them. I don’t get why this is relevant? And the FMIL is OFFERING TO PAY. So they really don’t have to do anything but show up, since it seems like MIL is willing to do it as well. That’s what I’m saying… let the MIL do it because she’s the one who wants to anyway. I just don’t get why they waited so long to plan this. Because they obviously did not want to. It’s kind of ridiculous in my opinion, because these girls wouldn’t like to be treated that way. And I’m sorry but I completely disagree with everyone who says that all bridesmaids have to do is show up and wear a dress. if that’s all that they have to do then what’s the point of being bridesmaid? Just be a guest. That’s unfortunate you see it that way — the point of having a bridesmaid is to honor and recognize those family/friends who have been very significant in your life.  When you set expectations as a bride that you are entitled to all these “extras”, you set yourself up for situations like this.

 

Post # 16
Member
3084 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@FutureMrsLAL:  the reason why it’s relevant is because they are being crappy friends. I never thought when I was asked to be a bridesmaid, oh gee all I have to do is show up and wear a dress. Sorry, but when you are asked to be a bridesmaids there are certain things you are expected to do once you accept that offer. 

And it’s not being entitled. It’s realistic expectations. I’ve never heard of bridesmaids not throwing a bridal shower. Or just showing up and doing nothing else. 

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