Bridal Party Vent

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
42469 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It can be frustrating dealing with the never ending details of wedding planning. I do suggest,  however, that you pick your battles.

If this girl doesn’t have a dress in time for the wedding, she attends as a guest. You really can’t make her do anything.

As far as your FI’s groomsman is concerned, why doesn’t he just wait until the end of March to see what happens with his friend’s court date? Asking someone he hasn’t kept in touch with since college to step in is just asking for more troubles.

 

Post # 4
Member
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@luluvohn:  I don’t think your FI needs to replace his GM… because then won’t the replacement feel like…well, a replacement?

As for the BM and the dress, maybe she is having some financial issues?  Have you talked to her about why she’s dragging her feet?  If she’s just being stubborn/lazy/whatever, then tell her the “drop dead” date and if she doesn’t get the dress in time, then she has removed herself from the wedding party.  BMs really only have the one big job- to be on time in the dress, and if she can’t do that then she’s not going to stand up there with you.

Post # 6
Member
42469 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@luluvohn:  The dye lot issue used to be a concern, but it’s not so much a concern these days. Fabrics and dyes used to give variable results but things have changed.

Tell her you are going to submit the order on a certain date. If she orders, fine. If she doesn’t, her choice.

Post # 8
Member
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@luluvohn:  You do have control. You tell them the other girl isnt ordering and to place the order. It’s your money and your order. I would order without her. She has been told numerous times to order. 

Post # 9
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@luluvohn:  If you can afford to pay, I would just cover her dress and not expect to see the money back.  If you can,t I would call her (not text) today and tell her point blank “I need you to order your dress today.  If you don’t, I would still love you to attend the wedding, but I think it will need to be as a guest.  At this point, they won’t complete the order without you, and it’s holding up the other girl’s dresses. Thanks”

Also, as an FYI, they told me that my dresses where not going to be in until March when we ordered in October.  They were here mid December.

Post # 10
Member
744 posts
Busy bee

I think you should call your bridesmaid before you just drop her.  I love texts and emails for convenience, but sometimes tone and intent get lost over written communications.  Unreasonable as it may be, she may not fully understand the true urgency of this and the stress that it’s causing you.  She may also not be expressing the real reason she’s not ordering.  I’ve found that when you pick up the phone and actually talk to someone, people are nicer and you are more likely to get the real story.

As for your FI, I’d just wait until his groomsman knows for sure if he can make it.  I think it’s easier for men to fill in at the last minute.  I also agree with you that the sides don’t need to be even, but understand if he wants them to be.  But I’d keep this issue separate from the one with your bridesmaid.  Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
42469 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@luluvohn:  As the pp has said, after you speak with her, if she’s not ready to order, you, the customer, are in charge. You phone up the store and tell them to submit the order as is. If she decides to order later, well and good. If she doesn’t at least the rest of your girls have their dress.

Post # 13
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@luluvohn:  The dye lot thing is a non-issue unless we’re talking hand dye here, which I doubt. Also, the store will order dresses when people have paid / the bride says. So say it’s ok and they’ll order. 

I was in a wedding when we all ordered our dresses separately (NY, LA, Boston and SF based bridesmaids) and they were all the same color. 

The bride didn’t even notice my janky alterations and you can’t tell in her pictures either. 

Post # 15
Member
2357 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

If someone I knew in college, but didn’t keep in touch with randomly texted me asking me to be in their bridal party I would….think that was really weird. Like, really. If your FI is dedicated to this guy being in the bridal party I would tell him to pick up the phone and call. But honestly, if someone hadn’t made an effort to take an interest in my life I wouldn’t spend the money to be in their wedding – especially with 24 hours notice to book a hotel room.

I think you should encourage your FI to not drop the other guy until the end of March: maybe (hopefully) he won’t have to miss it. 

Post # 16
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@luluvohn:  I wouldn’t count on this guy to be GM. If he can’t respond to a text I would be a little worried. 

Plus, like carolinabelle said, it would be weird to hear from someone out of the blue like that. The guy is probably trying to avoid the situation. 

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