Post # 1
Please tell me if I am driving myself crazy?I think I got myself into a pickle.
I am planning a small (70 guests) – destination wedding short notice (3 months)
I really should have only asked my best friend to be my maid of honor. However there are 7 girlfriends that have been a vital part of my life. – Most of them are unique to each other and not friends with each other.
I have had friendships with these girls ranging from Minimum of 20- Max. 34 years. ( I am 34)
I was starting to worry about having all 7 (There is barely anywhere to stand on the terrace of where we are getting married) So I ended up not asking one of my oldest friends. For the shear purpose of having too many. Mr. Wine-oh has 4 – Im totally cool with odd group.
So I ended up leaving one out….. Please note – I have only seen her 5x’s in 15 years since she moved 2000 miles away to get her Doctorate. We only get to talk about 3-4 x’s a year. We are not the 1st one to call when something happens on a daily basis – but she is still one of the ones I call when something major happens & Visa Versa. However she is one of my oldest and dearest old friends – Our lives have been busy & crazy- but…….
I feel quilty like I’ve let her down –
Did I ? – Should I approach it with her? She hasn’t said anything about anything – Should I just let a sleeping dog lay?
Im so excited she is making thr trip out – and She has already bought her tickets – and spending a romantic weekend with her boyfriend (to which I hope he proposes)
Any suggestions on how can I acknowledge her at all during this event. Without her feeling like she is the one stuck reading the poem and the only girlfriend of mine not in the wedding party?
Post # 3
It seems like you regret not asking her. If you don’t care about odd numbers and she is the only one you left out and she is coming, maybe you could just ask her to be a BM. I know it is hard to fulfill BM duties from 2000 miles away but it may be a nice gesture to include her as you don’t seem to want to assign her another task. I am a long distance BM in a destination wedding and I know the bride had planned to have one of her childhood friends in the wedding party but she is not sure she will be able to make the trip, do you have confirmations from all of hte other girls already? If not, maybe you won’T have such a large party after all. You can always have the BMs and GMs sitting int he front row with just the MOH and best man standing with you if space is the problem.
Post # 4
I’m with slicey19…6 bridesmaids is not a small bridal party and it seems odd that you would “limit” yourself to 6 and not just add one more, especially if you think that her feelings would be hurt. You already have 10 people in the party PLUS you and the groom so it seems silly to consider that “small” but one more “too big.” It already sounds like a lot! Good luck!
Post # 5
I had the same problem, but on a bigger scale. I had eight bmaids and really wanted to ask one more bff but felt that eight was already extreme.
A few montsh later, I was like “what’s the diff?” and just asked her. She was amazingly happy and has been super help with planning and letting me babble on about the wedding.
I would either ask her to be a bmaid (honestly one more is not going to affect anything) or would ask her to be a part of the day soemhow – maybe a reading or a toast or something.
good luck! and congrats!
Post # 6
i’m having a 70 ish guest DW too – and i’m having 7 BM’s and a flower girl! Whatever 🙂 I did think that we’d all be stacked at the front and leave no guests, but deep down, i know that i was thinking that just because of appearances. If we had the room, i’d be ok with EVERYBODY standing in a circle around! Go with your gut – nuts to tradition, you’re already having a dw!
Or have her do a reading! Somethin’ special. Just go with your gut – you only get married once!
Post # 7
the difference between 7 and 8 is not that much. and even if you dont talk to her daily, if you FEEL close to her, then you should include her. but it’s your choice. if you really think it’s getting too large, then that’s your choice and that’s okay too. but i wouldnt stress about it getting that big if it’s only a difference of 1 person.
i have a BM who is literally my oldest friend and we see each other only 1x a year for the last 10 years. but i still couldnt imagine having a wedding w/o her in it.
Post # 8
If you’re going to have a heavy heart about it at all, then you’ll feel better now and later if you just find a way to make it happen.
I think a lot of people get into this same situation and wish that they either kept it to one person or opened up the bridal party to everyone you care about.
Post # 9
hey, i’m in the same boat..have 6bm, 1 moh, and have 1 friend that i so badly want her to be in it, but the big number kinda holds me back, plus fiance has 2 best men, and 5 groomsmen, so it’s a little uneven, but at the same time, i’m thinking to myself too, what difference does 1 person make…i’m most likely going to just ask her…
if your friend is that important to you, i think you should just go for it..it’s only 1 extra person, and if it’s gonna make you feel better and also spare her feelings too, then, why not?..i think i answered my own dilemma too;) good luck with ur decision!!