Post # 1
I’ve been confused about this for awhile and Miss Frozen Yogurt’s “Do’s and Don’ts” post inspired me because this was a mistake I made early on.
Backstory: FI and I have been engaged for a year and a half already. Our wedding is in 9 months. When we got engaged we were OK with 4 people on each side. So I asked my 3 of my closest family members & FI’s sister to be my bridesmaids and MOH. I asked my girls between 9/08 and 12/08. FI only recently got around to asking his groomsmen. Since we wanted all our brothers to be in the BP, he wasn’t able to choose only 4 guys so he ended up with 5 on his side. Fine, uneven sides are cool and we want everyone to be included.
The issue is this. When I chose 4, I excluded my best friend from the BP because I thought we were only doing 4 on each side. I talk to her almost every day and I’d really like her to be part of my day. The problem is that we have already gone dress shopping (but have not ordered the dresses yet), and I’ve already made it clear that I’ve chosen my bridesmaids. She’s OK with this and understood that I picked family over friends. I told her that as much as I wanted her to be part of my day, I didn’t want to choose her last minute, as a B-list bridesmaid.
It gets even worse that she is recently engaged and just asked me to be a bridesmaid last night. Hive, I know that she understands why I didn’t choose her, but I feel really guilty still. Do you think I should ask her and then take the girls out shopping for BM dresses again? This would even up the sides and relieve my guilt but I don’t know if it would really make her feel second-rate since I’m asking her a full YEAR after I asked the other girls.
Post # 3
Rather than looking at it as “I’m asking her a year after everyone else”, what about framing it as “She’ll be the only non-blood-relative in the wedding party”? I think that’s a huge honor, and I strongly suspect she’ll understand the timing issue.
Post # 4
Why don’t you be straight up with her? Tell her you did always want to ask her but originally agreed to four a piece, and family only. Tell her you’ve been wanting to ask her for a while. (And that it isn’t because she asked you.)
Post # 5
It seems pretty clear that you really want her to be a part of your bridal party so I would ask her! Explain the situation and be honest, that you wanted her to be a part of it the whole time, etc. Im sure she would be thrilled!
Post # 6
I agree with naangel5 that it seems like you want her to be a part of your big day as a bridesmaid, so just ask her! She may not even end up wanting to do it now that she is enaged because she will have a lot of stuff on her own plate, but I think she would appreciate that you thought of including her.
Post # 7
I think she’ll understand for all the reasons above.
I see how you might feel like the timing is suspicious since she just asked you to be in her wedding. However, I think she would totally understand that you’ve had a change of heart about your agreement to have just family. Especially if you point out how you wnted her all along, but how happy you are to be included in hers, and started thinking about how great it will be there for her on that day, and it made you realize even more how much of a shame it would be for you to go on with your day without her, and you just didn’t want to miss those moments with her.
Post # 8
I’m obviously in the minority here but I voted she’ll feel like B list. I was really putting myself in the situation and if my BFF came to me a year later and asked me to be in the party. I wouldn’t be able to help feeling B list. Have you told her that your FI just got around to asking his men and does she know that he will now have more than you? I am curious because you could read her body language and see if she mentions you adding one more to your side.
It’s funny because I feel like I was just in this situation but in the end I chose to have the uneven sides. My conversation would’ve been “FSIL will you be my bridesmaid? I have already bought your dress. I hope it fits and mermaid style works for you.” I was not looking forward to that so I chose not to buy the dress. That might’ve been cowardly I guess but I also didn’t really want to add to my ladies. I think you should mention to her that your FI has finally asked his side and will have 5 while you have 4. See what she says but I just think if it was me I would think I wasn’t important enough before but now I am so I can help make it even. Maybe that’s over dramatic and she might actually be excited enough to not care.
Post # 9
I think she will totally understand. Just tell her that your FI just asked everyone, and he wanted to include 5 people, and that you’re SO excited that you can ask her now. I think she will be very honored, and very excited!
Post # 10
I say ask her. If she’s your best friend she’ll understand, especially since she’s a big part of your life I’m sure she still knows what is going on in your planning. Be honest with her and she’ll understand how much she means to you.
Post # 11
i would explain the situation as a positive turn of events. sounds like she already understands the reasons why you couldn’t originally include her in the bridal party, so i’m sure she’ll understand that things have changed. she’s not second rate, but a bonus BM!
Post # 12
She sounds like a good friend and one who understands the craziness that surrounds weddings, if you want her in your BP INVITE HER :o) No matter how “late” it’s still an honor!
Post # 13
- Wedding: May 2010 - Carlouel Yacht Club
I’m sure since she was aware of the situation at the beginning with only family involved in your BP, she would be thrilled if you were to be able to add her in! I think she would be more focused on the excitement of being able to take part in your day, rather than thinking “oh, wow…she is asking me so much later than her other BMs!” Can’t wait to hear how it goes!
Post # 14
I would totally explain the situation to her and ask her to be a part of the bridal party. I had excluded one of my closest friends because she had gotten pregnant (and not to mention lives overseas) and I didn’t want to hinder her with worrying about the wedding and etc. but in the end, I really felt that I wanted her to be a part of my speacial day. So, I asked her 2 weeks ago. She was thrilled.. BUT, now with a baby on the way, she has to let me know in April if she’ll be able to find a baby sitter for my wedding!!!
Post # 15
I think you should go for it and ask her. If you are feeling at all like you’ll regret, even a little bit, then I think definitely go for it. I think she’ll understand, even if she feels a little b-listed, but you can talk to her about it and give her enough reassurance so you both feel comfortable and happy about it. I’m sure she wants to be part of your day with you so above her b-list paranoia will probably be excitement! Definitely go for it!
(I should have added this as a disclaimer, I am totally biased on this topic– I am a more the merrier type of person, I have 9 bridesmaids and am considering asking one more too! Similar situation as you, but not quite as intimate, obviously. Good luck to you!)
Post # 16
Because the other BMs are family, I totally think she will understand. She isn’t B list, she just isn’t family. A lot of people think family should be in the bridal party first. That isn’t weird at all, so now that you have the opportunity to ask her, do it!