Post # 1
So my fiancé and I went to register for our wedding last night (more so for the bridal shower). He was EXTREMELY excited to do this, and we really did have fun enivisioning our future house and life together.
When we got back to his house and told his mother what we did, she was kinda quiet about it. She thinks I should have a montary shower. We explained that for us, seeing as how we are starting off fresh, the gifts are fine BUT if people want to just give us money, or gift cards, we are TOTALLY fine with that!!!! Registering gives our guests options, but at the end of the day they can do whatever they want! (if I just had a montary shower, my mother would kill me). She didn’t say much but we all knew she wasn’t happy with it. Her nieces have all done monetary showers, so I guess she assumed I would do the same. My fiancé said to ignore her seeing as how she’s getting offended for no good reason (I agree!)
We haven’t done too much planning yet, but this is now the second time we’ve offended her (the last one was telling her that we didn’t think it was necessary for us to invite FSIL’s boyfriend’s parents and sister, who we met one time for no more than 10 seconds before going out for dinner).
My fiancé and I are paying for this entire wedding ourselves, which you would think would allow us more leeway when making decisions, but apparently we’re offending people because we’re not doing it their way.
Ugh. Just needed to vent! Thanks bees!!
Post # 3
A monetary shower?!? That is new to me and frankly, sounds extremely rude.
your FMIL needs to remember who’s wedding it is! Hang in there!
Post # 4
Wow! It would be offensive to many if you did have a monetary shower. I agree with your FI, try to shake it off. Sorry it is so hard to make everyone happy!
Post # 5
My mother HATES monetary shower. I don’t exactly love them either, but if that’s what a bride wants that’s totally fine, it’s just not for me. My sister and a few of FI’s and my friends registered, but you can still give a gift card to that store (or any store) or just give money–it’s whatever’s easiest for the guests. It is becoming more common though to have a monetary shower, but to each their own.
I think my FMIL thinks that I only want gifts, which means I’m “inconveniencing” people by making them go to the department store to buy it, even though we both reassured her several times that the guests can do whatever they want, and we would be totally happy and gracious with their gift. *sigh!*
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2014 - Italiano's Humble
My family does both, gift wise. Usually a $25 gift, and $25 cash @ showers, and then a sum of money for the actual wedding. I’ve never heard of monetary showers, but at the same time, your FMIL is kinda dumb, b/c unless guests ASK, you(we) aren’t supposed to go run around saying “hey we’re registered @ psycho store, FMIL gets us a discount!” muahahaha! LOL OK, sorry!
well, let HER family do THEIR thing, let YOUR family do THEIR thing. It’ll all balance out, and she needs to realize, this is the joining of TWO(or, sometimes more) families. Not just HERS!
Post # 7
My mother would KILL me if I did a monetary shower. KILL! She already thinks the registry thing is rude (she’s old fashioned).
Post # 8
I think a monetary shower would be rude. And also if she really wants his family there have her pay for their plates. I have offended my FMIL several times but doing things that she doesnt like… but you just gotta remember this is your day. I am working very hard at remembering that through it all.
Post # 9
I thin a monetary shower should always be a no go. It is a major turn off and makes people think all you want them for is their money. Plus if you think about it you are going to spend the money on things for your new home anyway why not just register and let people feel like they are contributing to your new life.
You are under no obligation to invite anyone that you don’t want to. I think everyone has offended their FMIL at least once(in my case more times than that), but it is something they will get over. You and your FI are paying for the wedding and this is your special day! Enjoy it however you see fit!
Post # 10
If you’re going to have a shower you should absolutely register for gifts, IMO. It’s pretty rude to just expect money!
Post # 11
Never even heard if a monetary shower. I think it’s just plain out rude to have a monetary shower.
Post # 12
I agree with everyone else here! Never even heard of a monetary shower .. how the hell do you even tell people that on a bridal shower invitation? What is wrong with Mother of the Grooms seriously. I hear so many stories and am dealing with one myself and it just has my head spinning. I understand her thinking as young couples do need cash but I mean who doesn’t like to open some gifts?! Save the cash for the wedding gift!
Post # 13
Thanks for all of the advice bees! I guess it’s just a matter of what people are use to, seeing as how my MIL’s nieces have ONLY done monetary showers, she was under the assumption I would too.
In my social circle, it is very common to have a monetary shower. 8 out of the last 12 showers I’ve been invited to have been monetary. I personally do not agree with them, but many of these people were already living on their own and had purchased the items you would typically register for. To each their own. We enjoyed registering and will let our guests know. Whatever type of gift our guests want to bring us, we will accept graciously with open arms.