Post # 1
So, I just got an invite to an old high school friend’s vow renewal. At first I thought it was just an informal affair — more like a party to celebrate their 5 year anniversary. They got pregnant 5 years ago and got married at the courthouse, so I thought this was just a fun celebration of five years together, and a chance to bring friends and family together.
But I’ve also received an invitation to a bridal shower, a bachelorette party, and the shower invite included links to her bridal registries.
I think it is great that couples wanting to renew their vows in front of friends and family, but what is the expectation for gifts in that situation? I thought about getting them something very small (nice bottle of wine?), and was completely surprised at the apparent expectation for a typical wedding gift, since I sent a small gift when they originally wed.
Thoughts? Is this typical for a vow renewal?
Post # 3
@MrsEdamame: I’d say stick with your initial thought.
To me that’s way over the top.
Post # 4
No. Not typical. And it’s in incredibly poor taste. I think a nice card and a bottle of wine is more than sufficient.
Post # 5
Yeah that seems in really poor taste… Very gift grabby. I agree, a bottle of wine is a great gift.
Post # 6
Not typical at all, its just a cash and gift grab
Post # 7
Seems as if the bride is trying to have the wedding she never had in the first place. I’m sure everyone has different opinions, but if I was in that situation personally, I wouldn’t send out a registry or expect gifts. However, the fact that she did seems as if she EXPECTS them. That’s just a bit odd.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
@MrsEdamame: Sounds like she wants a wedding with all the bells and whistles 5 years after the fact.
Um, no. You don’t do that.
Post # 9
How can you have a bachelorette party when you’re not a bachelorette?!?!
Post # 10
@alleycat1984: Yes, this just felt very “gift grabby” to me. Honestly, I was shocked to receive an invite to a bridal shower at all. If anything, I do not think there should be an expectation to buy them a shower AND a wedding gift, on top of traveling in for the event! I’m happy to be there to celebrate, but it seems rude to even expect to receive gifts.
@Horseradish: Yeah, I’m not even going to attempt to explain that one. She’s apparently having bridesmaids, as the invite came from one of them. I’ve already politely declined that invitation. That was totally bizarre to me. If you want to do something with your bridesmaids, go for a spa day or day trip?
Post # 11
@MrsEdamame: this seems very gift grabby to me, i guess they think bc they had a courthouse wedding they could try to have the bigger wedding they really wanted but its not a wedding anymore so these pre wedding parties are unnecessary bc its a vow renewal.
I dont understand this thing of having a vow renewal after 1 to 5 years. I could umderstabd 10, 20, 25, 30 years but anything less than that is just an excuse to have a “party” and try to get some gifts out of it. But that couple is going to be highly disappointed.
Post # 12
It’s not what I would do, but it’s not the end of the world. If you wan to get them something on the registry, that’s fine. I’m sure a nice bottle of wine would also be greatly appreciated. Not a big deal either way. She’s your friend, and that’s what’s important. Get whatever gift or card you’re comfortable with.
Post # 13
@MrsEdamame: After five years, yeah I think it would be a little weird. Maybe not gift grabby in the sense that most people think, because to me, it seems like she’s basically just trying to have a wedding, and is doing all of the wedding things, including a registry. In her mind, gifts are part of a wedding, so she probably didn’t think twice about doing it.
I hate to give just one answer on this, but I mean, I could totally see, say a couple who got married because someone was deploying, then having a wedding-esc vow renewal when the deployed spouse got back. In that situation I think I wouldn’t even think twice about them having a registry, even if I knew they were already married. It’s actually happened before.
Really, there are a lot of different scenarios where I wouldn’t think twice about it, but in this situation, it just seems odd because it is 5 years later. Not gift grabby, really, but just odd. But in all honesty vow renewals after 5 years is odd to me in general (not so much the within the first year thing, as I know a LOT of miliary folks who get married for military reasons, then have a large ‘wedding’ to celebrate later), because around here, vow renewals are usually held on big anniversaries, like 25 or 50.
Post # 14
@MeghanFly: Oh yes, I agree that occasionally vow renewals occur within a first year of getting married (babies — the bride wanted the big ‘wedding’ after pregnancy, deployment, etc.). I guess she must’ve wanted a big, traditional wedding all along.
Post # 15
As someone who is having a vow renewal because I eloped, I’m going to say that having bridal showers and a registry for a renewal is very tacky. It screams “GIFT GRABBY!”
There shouldn’t be any expectation of gifts. Also, wives cannot have “bridal showers” or “bachelorette parties” because they are already married! Those gatherings are for unmarried women.
If someone is renewing their vows with a larger celebration after a courthouse wedding/quickie elopement, the emphasis is on celebrating with loved ones the way the couple did not the first time.
I wouldn’t attend if I were you. Some people really have no manners.
Post # 16
@MrsEdamame: I can totally see why if she didn’t have the wedding she wanted (if it was rushed for whatever reason) she would want to do it a bit over the top, but you can do that, have a beatiful wedding-esque vow renewal without costing your guests anymore than travel costs. I dont get the present part…