- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
that's horrible, i am sorry you're going through that :( perhaps have your FI talk to them? i am glad your shower was good otherwise though :)
@Jacqui90: quite honestly, the only call me might make is to tell them not to bother.
I'm so sorry you're upset! One thing I learned while planning my wedding is that hardly anyone knows what proper ettiquette is anymore, so they might not have known they were being rude? I understand the RSVPing and not showing up part - that should be pretty clear for anyone - but they honestly may never have thought they should send a gift.
@AlliRae: Well when couldn't attend the baby shower for one brother, I sent a gift....maybe they aren't smart enough to have remembered that, LOL.....
Thanks ladies :)
tbh, i didn't know you were supposed to send a gift if you can't make it to an event, until you said. it's a nice thing to do, but not essential. perhaps for a wedding it is more important, but not necessarily for the bridal shower.
Not everyone knows or even cares what "proper ettiquette" is anyone. They may have never been taught or they may see it as optioinal. Personally, I would have sent a gift or card at least but I don't think you should write them off just because they didn't buy you a gift. No offense, but you're going to come across as the rude one in that situation...not them.
okay, back story here my fiances mother died a yea and a half ago we paid for the entire funeral. all thesiblings are adults and nobody gave a dime. now we are getting married and paying for it ourselves. for all we have done they cannot say thank you with a gift. i put inexpensive things on there just for them. it hurts that we were good enough to pay for the funeral and give gifts to all their kids for every occassion but we get nothing sorry for typos im aon my phone at work....
Etiquette never says you need to give a gift. It is a gift. Gift giving is always optional.
Its great that you and your FI paid for their mother's funeral, but that has no bearing on their giving you gifts. Ditto you giving gifts to their children. Some people just don't give gifts.
I'm sorry that your feelings are hurt. And if you just need to get it out, then here is more appropriate than anywhere else. But no one owes you a shower gift (esp. if they didn't attend) nor do they owe you a wedding gift when the time comes. If you say anthing about this or don't invite them because of it, then you'll be the one looking bad.
It's such a long and complicated story. We were told we were paying for the funeral not asked. The rest of siblings are adults. They never thanked us. They spread her ashes, never called us. They celebrated holidays, never called us. They never offered a bloody dime of money.
When I couldn't attend a baby shower for one his sister in laws, I was told " you better send a big gift". Really?
They RSVP'd, my MOH had to pay by the head, she paid for 6 people who didn't attend.
How would you all feel nowknowing all this.
Fyi proper ettiquite says you should send something to acknowledgGunther occasion. It doesn't have to be expensive. I included many budget friendly items in my registries.
So we may have to agree to disagree but I was and still am hurt.
well hopefully they send a gift soon, since they told you to send a gift for the shower, you can tell them the same thing for yours! but since you sounded surprised about the gift expectation for their shower why do you expect a gift for yours?
I'm sorry your feelings are hurt, I know this is bad situation for you. I think though, in this you should just let it go and not let them know it bothered you. If the length of time that they have been unhelpful is burdening you and this just seems to be the straw that broke the camel's back, perhaps you should have your fiance talk to them. But honestly it doesn't sound like it would do anything but cause problems. Keep your head high and focus on those who are determined to make your time and day the best!
@Ms. Gertie: I see where you are coming from, but I also see some PPs points. I think as siblings, if they didn't show, they should still send a gift. Maybe expecting any non-family member to send a gift is stretching, but family...I think they should. However, I don't really think you can say anything to them...I think in the future you can just spend less on gifts for them/their kids or not get them anything, or tell them you don't have the money to chip in for family events.
Only because it's family. I shouldn't be shocked. I know. I'm hurt. Neither of us are going to say anything until the RSVP date for the wedding. If they haven't RSVP'd for that, my fiancé will callthem and tell them not to bother coming.
I would like to pose the same question @Jacqui90: did. You were offended when you were told that you better give a gift for an event that you missed, and are now offended that they didn't send a gift for an event that they didn't attend? THCH, if you want to give someone a gift, give it out of the goodness of your heart. Don't keep tabs of what you do or give, you do those things and give those things because YOU want to. It seems like you are expecting gifts and more so because you gave gifts in the past. What does ettiquette say about being presumptious about gifts? Pretty sure that is an even bigger no-no
@MrsNeutrino: It's more the backstory. It's that over the years we have been expected to be the bigger people.
I'm sorry I even said anything. I'm sorry I came here to vent. I'm sorry I upset you all.
Good luck with your futures.
sorry, we were just trying to offer a different perspective so you could see why you didn't get a gift. best of luck with the gift grab
http://www.elegantwoman.org/bridal-shower-gift-etiquette.html
http://askville.amazon.com/Bridal-Shower-Gifts-versus-Wedding/AnswerViewer.do?requestId=1869893 note:A gift is given from the heart, not because one is obligated.
i would be more upset that they brothers rsvp'd yes and didnt show up than about the lack of gifts - you dont need a etiquette book to tell you that if you rsvp yes then show the heck up
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ellisrobertson | 24 |
| fishbone | 22 |
| ndreighton | 18 |
| Brielle | 17 |
| Samantha7 | 16 |
| ladyartichoke | 15 |
 rdownie1 |
15 |
| MsPanda | 14 |
| aduarte3201 | 14 |
| mypinkshoes | 13 |
Sorry, there are no users yet.
So yesterday was our Jack and Jill bridal shower. It was really nice. No games, I HATE the games....just a nice afternoon with our nearest and dearest.....well almost! His hafl sister lives in NY, she couldn't make it we understand.....his 2 half brothers who live local and close to where the shower was RSVP'd that they would come, neither did. Neither his sister or his brothers sent a gift. I was always taught/told, if you couldn't make the event you were to send a gift. I am so hurt by their classless attitude I almost want to tell me not to bother coming to the wedding....