Post # 1
quick question – my Maid/Matron of Honor is planning my shower and she just mentioned that she was thinking we could go to a cute brunch spot in the city and that people would only have to pay about $25. I was a little shocked by this since I’ve never been to a shower where I had to cover my own costs (you know, especially since you bring a gift to a shower). do you think people would be weirded out/offended if they were asked to pay for their own brunch?
I know money’s tight and she may not have the $$ to cover everyone, but if that’s the case I’d almost rather just doing something more low-key in my mother’s house on Long Island and covering the costs of feeding/watering everyone myself. would THIS be weird?
thanks for the help bees!
Post # 3
@FMCollado: I would be weirded out if it was called anything that hinted I was supposed to bring a gift. Bridal showers are expensive so I sympathize but if she’s hosting one, she needs to be a good host. I’d nix the resteraunt and have her host it at her house or her parents’ house if you’re not weirded out by that (that’s what I did because I live a couple hours away and it was just easier for me to come down and do it at their house than ask the entire guest list to drive three hours to have it at my little apartment).
Edit: Also I’m 99% sure my shower’s going to be at my mom’s house whenever that may be and I don’t see anything wrong with that 🙂
Post # 4
I don’t think people should have to pay for their own food at a bridal shower. Plus, $25 is expensive for brunch. Some people might not have the budget for that, and will not come. I think having it in someone’s home is a great idea. If you didn’t want to do a full meal, you could have it in-between meal times, and just provide snacks and desserts.
Post # 5
Guests should not have to pay for their own meals at a shower. It would definitely not be weird to have a shower at your mother’s house.
Post # 6
You cannot possibly ask your guests to pay their own way at your shower. If your Maid/Matron of Honor can’t swing it herself (with the help of your other ‘maids) then she needs to figure out how to host something on the cheap.
Post # 7
If she doesn’t have the money to cover a brunch then I’d say don’t have that type of shower. My shower was just cake and a few finger foods.
Alot of people (particularly any older ladies you invite) will be offended by having to pay.
Post # 8
@Bichon Frise: I wouldn’t say $25 is too crazy for brunch in NYC, which I think OP is talking about, but that’s kinda besides the point 😉
I definitely don’t think people should “pay their way” at a shower. I’m currently planning a shower for my sister, and while the food and drink cost is $25/person, the bridesmaids and moms are covering it.
Post # 9
Ummm no. I would never go to a shower where I had to pay $25 for my own plate. I just find that rude and tacky, sorry.
If your bridal party can’t foot the bill can’t they just have a shower at someone’s house and have decorations and food there? That can be SO much cheaper.
And no, it would not be weird to have it at your mom’s. My mom threw my shower at her own house with only a little help from some of the bridal party. It was still an amazing and lovely shower!
Post # 10
I agree with the others. I don’t think your guests should have to pay anything to attend your shower. Having it at your mothers would probably be a better idea. Between your Maid/Matron of Honor and your mom, people could easily be fed for less. I think finding the right way to talk to her about this is key so she doesn’t get hurt that you don’t like her idea.
Post # 11
I agree with the PPs. Have it at your mom’s house!
Post # 12
thanks guys. I don’t want her to feel like I’m making her spend all this money on the shower which is why I suggested putting something together at my mom’s house and I would foot the bill (with some help from my mom and sisters). but she didn’t seem to be too too fond of that idea.
i would DEFINiTELY feel soooo weird having people pay for their own food so that for sure isn’t happening, but would people find it weird if I hosted my own shower? should I pretend that I’m not hosting it if I’m paying for it?
Post # 13
@FMCollado: Considering the situation I would just have it at someone’s house. It’s fine if you want to cover the cost of food, but make sure your Maid/Matron of Honor is in charge of RSVPs & planning and such, it is a faux pas to host your own shower, but paying for food doesn’t necessarily have to be considered “hosting” especially if you keep it on the down low.
Post # 14
I HAVE heard of/been invited to showers where the invitees were asked to contribute. The guest of honor was not.
(Notice I called them invitees, not guests? – In my opinion a guest is hosted.) In my experience this has usually been for bigger events – weekend trips, spa days ($350+/person), vineyard tours with or without overnight stays, deep sea fishing trips (FI was invited to that one)… that sort of thing. Some I have attended, some I have declined – depending on my relationship with the guest of honor, the price & outside factors.
I wasn’t weirded out, but typically these type of “trip/event/showers” include “no gifts please” on the invitation. But the price per person has been raised a little to cover the cost of the bride’s (or groom’s) attendance – or a collection is taken up to help the Maid/Matron of Honor with the cost of the bride’s fees. The gift in that case is the bride’s trip, and the guests are paying for their own trip. It’s an “un-hosted” event.
It may be acceptable to offer the availablity of your mother’s home as a venue for the shower, however, remember that your Maid/Matron of Honor is planing this event FOR you. Your only job is to sit back, relax and, at the appointed time, show up and smile graciously. Then write Thank You notes to everyone.
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
Our shower is costing about the same per person, but our bridesmaids are paying.
Theres no way you can ask your guests to pay. Do something low key!
Post # 16
@FMCollado: Hi there! You should not host your own shower! It’s kind of like throwing a surprise birthday party….for yourself! 😛
As others have said, I think you should just have something low key at someone’s house. You should absolutely not have guests come to a shower and make them pay for their own food if it’s at a restaurant.
What about having some sort of tea party? A lot of hotels offer “high tea” so instead of a full on brunch it could just be tea and you could have it later in the afternoon. Perhaps that’s something that would be in the budget?