Post # 1
So, I’m not actually the emotional one on this – it’s my mom and her friends.
So one of my bridesmaid’s mom (who I’ve known for 20+ years) does not get along with one of maid of honor’s mom’s friend (a recent addition to the group, maybe 5 years?). We know this and thus are not inviting her to the wedding.
Maid of honor’s mom, who is hosting my bridal shower, texts me a week before the shower asking if her friend can come, knowing she’s not on the list.
I tell her to ask my mom. She doesn’t. My mom then informs her friend that this woman might be there and her friend is now refusing to come, even though she booked a plane ticket from Florida to attend.
Should my mom/me tell the hostess that the woman can’t come? Or just let it play out?
My mom is stressing out MAJOR over this. Thoughts?
Post # 3
Are all of the women invited to the wedding? If not, no one should be invited to the shower who isn’t also invited to the wedding, so that might be an easy way to fix the problem.
Post # 4
@orangeroses29: Woulld you be able to give the people in your post fake names? I can not understand it.
Post # 5
If MOH’s mom’s friend isn’t invited to your wedding, then she has NO business being invited to your shower. You probably should have not put that on your mom, and just have told her no, she couldn’t come.
Post # 6
@paula1248: hahah sorry.
So “Mary” is the mother of one of my bridesmaids, she has beef with “Sandy” who is friends with the MOH’s mother “Jill.” “Sandy” is not invited to the wedding because she caused drama (I’m talking actual fights) with “Mary.”
“Jill” is hosting a bridal shower for me and knowing “Sandy” is not invited to the wedding asks if she can come to the bridal shower. I told her to ask my mom as these are her friends. “Jill” does not ask my mom.
My mom tells “Mary” that “Sandy” might be coming to the shower and now “Mary” is saying she won’t come to the shower even though she’s flying in from Florida.
Should my mom tell “Jill” that she can’t have “Sandy” at the shower she is hosting? Or since it’s “Jill’s” party, “Jill” can invite who she likes?
Post # 7
@MsJ2theZ: Mom & I have no problem with the woman. (FI & I actually really like her) but she has issues with another guest.
Post # 8
These are all adults and they need to suck it up. Your mom needs to tell her friend that this isn’t about her, and that she needs to attend and be civil.
I had a huge falling out with someone in my DH’s family (who is like a second dad to him) a few months before our wedding. I’m talking so huge that it was really bad and to this day we still don’t talk. He’s an important part of my DH’s life and therefor I suck it up and I’m civil to him for family events. They can certainly do the same for you.
Post # 9
Ok, but it is still in bad form to invite someone to your shower that is not invited to your wedding, so that’s a place to fall back on if you need a reason.
Post # 10
I’d tell her you’d feel uncomfortable with someone not attending the wedding attending your shower.
Post # 11
Do you think it’s my place or my mother’s?
Post # 12
@orangeroses29: OK I see. It’s pretty clear to me that “Sandy” shouldn’t be invited to the shower. Someone – your mother or you – needs to tell Jill that it isn’t appropriate for Sandy to be invited. Probably you, since your mother has already failed to do so. Unfortunately you might need to spell out to Jill that this is because of Sandy’s past history of fighting Mary.
It sounds to me like Sandy is trying to cause trouble.
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
If Sandy’s not invited to the wedding, she has no business being at your shower. The end. :)-
Post # 14
Whilst I agree that people that are not invited to the wedding should not be invited to the shower it is ultimately up to the host of the party, Jill, who she wants to invite into her home and to her party.
Mary should suck it up and stop acting like a child. Refusing to come to a party becuase Sandy is there is a bit immature.