(Closed) Bridal Shower Dilemma

posted 10 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee

Alli,  I hear ya!  I am having shower stress as well, though mine is a different type.

Would it be possible to channel some of that party-throwing energy differently?  Perhaps you could get all of the potential shower-throwers together to act as co-hostesses and throw just one shower for you.  Or maybe the aunts could host a bridesmaids’ luncheon, instead of a shower.  Or, some subset of the party-throwers could do an engagement party instead, so that you (and your guests) aren’t bombarded with showers and the "gift obligations" that come with them.  Just some thoughts. 

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

I had not heard that it was customary to have a shower on each side.  The etiquette books I have read have stated that the bride gets one, and it is thrown by the maid of honor.  The family is allowed to help, but are not supposed to be the hosts, as this may seem like a push for gifts.

Post # 5
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

If all those people want to have showers for you, let them!  More parties for you to celebrate with your loved-ones.  Just make sure that all the planners know that there are multiple showers and that all the guests need to know that they are not expected to bring gifts to every single one.

Post # 6
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2008

I’m with maryalison. See if one of those ladies would mind hosting the bridesmaid luncheon or even a day after brunch for you. There were so many people who wanted to do things for me and my fiance (mostly my grandmother’s friends who have known me my whole life) that we ended up with 2 showers, a couples engagement party type thing and the bridesmaid luncheon.

 

Post # 7
Member
45 posts
Newbee

I totally agree with rosychicklet! It’s a nice gesture on the part of all those people, and I’m sure those recipients will be flattered. Just make sure to let them know they need not bring gifts to every shower. Also let them know that it’s ok if the burden of all these Saturday afternoon, etc events is bogging them down. They might not be able to attend every shower, and that’s alright too.

Post # 8
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2008

I’m with maryalison. See if one of those ladies would mind hosting the bridesmaid luncheon or even a day after brunch for you. There were so many people who wanted to do things for me and my fiance (mostly my grandmother’s friends who have known me my whole life) that we ended up with 3 showers (one is for lingerie only right before my bachelorette party that my bridesmaids are hosting), a couples engagement party type thing and the bridesmaid luncheon. Then my grandmother is hosting a day after brunch for immediate family and out of town guests.

 

Post # 10
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I’m in the same boat. MOH is throwing me one and then found out FI’s grandma has been planning on doing it too. If you’re ok with multiple parties then go for it… As for me I’m a one party girl gLuck to you!

Post # 11
Member
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Multiple showers can be great, especially if there are tons of girlfriends and cousins and whatnot.  I am sort of in the same boat as most of my girlfriends live out of state and won’t easily be able to travel for a shower and a bachelorette party and the wedding as well – maybe two of the three.  However, a shower with 8 or 10 girls can be really fun too.  I agree that it might be better if some of your well-wishers could work together, or if you could channel their energies into another party.  A bridesmaids’ lunch is a great idea.  One of my girlfriends has decided that she should throw a MOB lunch, for my mom and her girlfriends, in appreciation of all she is doing (not exactly traditional, but I think its a great idea).

I had always heard that immediate family should not throw a shower (bridal or baby).  So no moms or sisters.  In my family, its quite usual for cousins to throw a shower, so I assume that’s just fine, although it may depend on your particular situation.  Clearly your aunts and cousins think its just fine.

Post # 12
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

honestly, i think it’s fine if you have multiple showers. sometimes it’s either not geographically feasible or downright weird to have family and friends at the same shower. my MOH is throwing a "destination" lingerie shower for me in san francisco — i really didn’t want her to invite our families to that, nor would they come from the east coast. so i’m having a separate "family" shower.

so in your situation, your MOH (not you, she’s the one planning this) needs to talk with your family and find out what the best situation is and how to either a) combine showers, or b) split the guest list appropriately.

Post # 13
Member
236 posts
Helper bee

Let them each throw you a shower.  Close family (sisters, grandmother) and the bridesmaids as well as a few other very close family can be invited to all.  They are just not obligated to bring a gift to all.  Provide your MOH with the list of primarilu girlfriends and your immediate family and provide the aunt/cousins, witht he list of family and a few girlfriends and the In-laws side should be provided with a list of that side of the family, bridesmaids and your immediate family.

Post # 14
Member
236 posts
Helper bee

P.S.  I’m sure I will end up having multiple showers since my family lives 4 hours away from his family.

Post # 15
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Since your two lists of family and friends is so small, one shower makes more sense.  It sounds like your MOH & aunt (and FMIL) all want the honor of being the host or the one to host the shower.

Are you comfortable with talking to all three to tell them you’d prefer to have just one shower and would they all be willing to work together as co-hostesses?  Sometimes that gets tricky.  When you’re the only hostess, you get to make all the decisions and not have to get 2 other people to agree, and they are inevitably all going to have different opinions on what would be nice for you!

It just seems like a lot of time that you have to spend going to three separate showers with small groups for each.  Be as pragmatic as possible, and I’m sure it’ll turn out lovely.  Good luck.

The topic ‘Bridal Shower Dilemma’ is closed to new replies.

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