Bridal Shower Etiquette

posted 2 years ago in Elopement
  • poll: Is it tacky to have the shower or ok since I'm having a reception later on?
    Tacky, don't do it. : (13 votes)
    68 %
    It's ok, you're having the shower later on. : (5 votes)
    26 %
    Other (explain in comments). : (1 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 2
    6073 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Etiquette wise, it is not proper to have a shower if there are no guests at the wedding.  Shower guests are also wedding guests.   And does your mom think you were going to throw it as well?  “but my Mother is upset that I’m not planning on one”<br /><br />The reception will be a post-wedding celebration party (not quite the same as witnessing a wedding, but just as fun) and I’m sure people will end up bringing a gift then. <br /> <br />Just tell your mom it is not proper etiquette to have a bridal shower when there are no guests to the wedding.  Plus you don’t seem to be comfortable with the idea.


    (sorry for the odd format!)

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  sienna76.
    Post # 3
    11593 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I don’t think it’s appropriate to have a shower in this situation.  You invite the guests of the wedding to the shower, and since you aren’t having guests, it’s rude to do this, and comes across as gift grabby.  If people want to give you gifts, they will do so – whether they mail them to you, or bring them to the reception. 

    Post # 4
    2878 posts
    Sugar bee

    A shower is literally ”to shower with gifts”, and I don’t think it’s appropriate when the people required to shower you with gifts are not invited to your wedding. I wouldn’t plan a wedding shower in this situation. However, I’m sure many people will still want to offer you something, but they can bring cash or gift cards at the reception, or send a boxed gift your way. 

    Post # 5
    1202 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    How big is your actual wedding and reception? If it’s just 20-30 family members and friends, I’d attend the shower and casual reception and not be hurt.  If your wedding is quite large, I’d be offended I only get a B-list invite and I wouldn’t attend the shower.     

    Post # 6
    967 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    None of this makes much sense, etiquette-wise. A reception is to receive your guests and thank them for attending the ceremony. Since you don’t want guests distracting/annoying you at your ceremony, why have a reception later? I’m sure they’ll be polite and attend, with gifts, though. To have a shower in addition to all this is definitely not appropriate.

    Post # 7
    9525 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    You don’t need to have a shower! And it sounds like you don’t really want one. And I think it would only be appropriate if you invite people actually invited to the wedding (I don’t know if “intimate” means just you and fiance and a JOP or 40 close friend and family). So I’d just skip the shower. 

    Post # 8
    79 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I say skip it!  SO and I are following a very similar format with a private intimate ceremony with the two of us and immediate family and at a later date will hold a reception for the rest of the large families and friends.  So happy to see someone else with the same idea/format!

    I definitely agree that its best just to skip all together.  I will be doing the same and putting my foot down if my Mom tries to say otherwise!


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