Post # 1
I could use some advice – an afternoon spent googling the situation has yielded practically no results!
My mom and MOH asked for my guest list for the bridal shower coming up, and I’m at a loss of what to do. For a little background – My FMIL is rather crazy (I won’t go into details, but I’m sure some of you can relate), and long story short, she has stated that she will no longer plan the rehearsal dinner, and will not be attending either that or the wedding. My question specifically refers to the bridal shower.
I have seen that it is etiquette to invite the groom’s female family members, but I am unsure of how to deal with this. Obviously I can’t invite them and not invite my fiance’s mother, she will find out and it would just be rude of me. However, I feel that if I invite her that she will use this event as another opportunity to be rude, and I am uncomfortable having her there when she has been so rude to me in the past. At the same time, I feel that if she does not want to come to the wedding, she should not be able to come to the bridal shower. I feel that the best course of action is to just not invite the groom’s female relatives.They are not holding a shower for me to my knowledge, and honestly I would feel uncomfortable if they did.
Here is my main question: is there a way to go about this without offending anyone? They all know the situation and know how the mother acts. However, since I was recently invited to his cousin’s bridal shower, I feel it rude to not return the invitation. I did invite her to my bachelorette (which she is unable to attend).
Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
Post # 3
IMO, if you don’t invite them, you are going to offend them. I just wouldn’t invite FMIL. If she throws a fit, just be honest and say you didn’t think she would want to attend seeing as how she doesn’t want anything to do with the wedding in the first place.
Post # 4
I think I would make this shower about your family and friends. If your FI’s family wants to throw their own shower, that’s on them. If anyone asks, it can be a shower for your side of the family.
Post # 5
This is a tricky situation. I would invite his family and just not your FMIL. They say that you should only invite a guest to the shower if they will be attending the wedding, so there’s that etiquette rule to back you up. But I think it would be nice for the family of his that you get along with to be invited at least.
Post # 6
I would absolutely invite his family, to avoid her you’re going to make other people stop liking you, giving your mil exactly what she wants. I invited every woman off my guest list to the shower, this included women I really didn’t want there but oh well! You can have your fi talk with her and say since you won’t be attending the wedding we assumed you won’t want an invite to the shower, here she can say ya I wouldn’t go anyways OR I want to go to the shower, im acting crazy but really I wanna come to the wedding too lol good luck op!
Post # 7
I absolutely would invite his family and FMIL. Let her act crazy — don’t stoop to her level. I have always heard that you should send an invitation to someone who you already know cannot attend… It’s just courteous. So, going off of that rule, you’re still going to send her an invite to the wedding, even though you know FMIL isn’t going to attend. And you should extend an invite to her for the shower based off of this principle as well.
I am sorry that your FMIL doesn’t want to attend her son’s wedding, that must be really hard. I have a strange relationship with my FMIL also, so I get it. But be the bigger person. Thats my policy when it comes to dealing with FI’s family.
Post # 9
@futurewife327: If it were me, I’d send an invite to her along with all the female guests from her family. Think about it – if she has said she’s not going to the wedding, what sense does it make that she will go the shower? This way, you come out smelling like roses and she continues to look like an asshole.
Post # 10
Definitely invite his family. Either don’t invite FMIL or hold the invitation til a week before the shower, then crumple it and step on it so it looks like it was lost in the mail for a while, and hope she has other plans. Ok, really, if it were me, I just wouldnt invite her.
Post # 11
@futurewife327: Just invite them all. It would be rude not to include FMIL
Post # 12
If your FMIL has no interest in the RD or attending the wedding, why do you think she’d be interested in the shower? I’d invite all of his family members except for her. They can make their own decisions about going or not, regardless if she’s invited. Why wouldn’t they want to show support for their nephew and his new bride? If they don’t, then they’re obviously choosing sides and nothing you can say or do will change that.
Save yourself the grief and don’t worry about being rude to his Mom. Sounds like she has no problem being rude to you both!
Post # 13
Invite them all. Including your FMIL. She is your FI mother. If she chooses not to come, that is her business, and I agree she will look foolish. If she comes and causes trouble she will look foolish. I would not diss her this soon in the relationship. Hopefully you will be married for a long time and if this continues you will have good reason with everyone’s knowledge to leave her out of future gatherings.
Post # 14
@cmbr: +1!! FI’s mom and I DO NOT get along. I told him 2 months before the bridal shower that she was not invited because we don’t get along and I want ppl there who are there for me, not for FI because FI won’t even be there!!! So it was just my side of the family that was there (I did invite other female relatives of his but they weren’t able to make it). I did invite his stepmom (she and I are almost as close as me and my mom and we work together) and that’s all that were there. I had a great time. FI’s mom didn’t question why she wasn’t invited, she may have questioned FI but never me so I don’t care.