Post # 1
OK, so the whole story is here if you’re interested: http://princessbrideca.blogspot.com/
But basically, this is my problem: I kind of want a bridal shower in Chicago (current place of residence) in order to get free stuff out of my FI’s well-to-do relatives. But I’m leaving Chicago almost a year before I actually get married. Is that too soon to have a bridal shower? Especially with traditional relatives? My other problem is that I want the FI to come because it’s our wedding, not mine, but I think the relatives won’t approve. As I’m basically doing this in order to get money/stuff out of them, should I try to keep it traditional in order to please them? Or should I do things the way I want them and deal with the complaints? Is it worth it? Should I have a shower here at all? I could always just have one in CA where I’m actually getting married, but then I’ll miss out on most of FI’s family.
I know nothing about bridal shower etiquette. What should I do?
Post # 3
My FMIL hosted a shower for me in Philly where FIs family is. Like you, I barely knew anyone but (and here is a seemingly BIG difference) my FMIL ASKED to host one and WANTED to host one and the family wanted to meet me before the wedding so they were all for it. I know you’re the bride, but I’m not sure you can demand one, especially since you admit it’s purely for the gifts.
If you do have one, wait if you can until closer to the wedding and fly to Chicago for it. My FMIL asked people to bring gifts that could either be packed for the plane or to ship everything directly to me in LA. The only gifts I got at the actual shower were small presents or checks (woo hoo!), everyone understood I had to travel with the gifts.
As for your groom, my shower started out just me and then my groom came for the last hour since it was ALL his family. But they did get me alone for lunch, so it seems to please everyone.
Good luck, I hope you have a lovely shower wherever it’s held!
Post # 4
It’s really not up to you when or where you have a shower. If someone in Chicago offers to host a shower for you they will likely do it closer to the wedding and you can schedule to fly back. The only involvement that I had in either of my bridal showers was confirming that I was available on the selected date.
Post # 5
I am having a large bridal shower, a couples shower, a kitchen shower, and a lingerie shower. My involvement has been to tell the hostesses the dates that I am available I gave each group three dates that worked for me and let them choose. I also bought each hostess a small thank you gift.
Where I am from it is considered tasteless for anyone in the bride’s or groom’s immediate family (mom/dad, aunt/uncle, grandparents, or siblings) to host a shower. FIs grandmother wanted to host something for us and I suggested an engagement party because typically gifts are not required nor are they asked for at engagement parties.
Also where I am from if you get the couple a gift for a shower you do not get them another gift for the wedding. It is kinda like double dipping in the queso – just bad.
It does kind of grate on my nerves that you are only wanting a shower for the gifts. Showers can be fun and a great time to bond with people you don’t often get to spend time with.
Post # 6
You said twice in your post that you are basically using your FI’s family “in order to get money/free stuff out of them.” Since you admittedly know nothing about bridal shower etiquette, I will assume you don’t realize how bad this all sounds?
That said- no, you’re not supposed to call the shots or have any hand in planning your bridal shower. You should consider yourself lucky if anyone is kind enough to throw you a shower, and hopefully they won’t find out the things you’ve said here because I imagine it would be very hurtful to hear. Be grateful for whatever kindness and gifts these people are willing to bestow upon you, and leave it at that.