Post # 1
My Future Mother-In-Law offered to host a bridal shower because she wanted to invite a bunch of her friends to it. She says I’ve never met them but she wants them to meet who her son is marrying. I didn’t know etiquette about showers so I just talked with my mom and Maid/Matron of Honor and they don’t mind if she hosts the party as long as they are a part of the planning. My mom also only wants to invite 1-2 of her friends to the party.
Now my mom sent me an email saying the proper etiquette is to NOT invite people to the bridal shower who aren’t invited to the wedding. Will FMIL’s guests realize this is a faux pas and RSVP No or choose to ignore it and know that Future Mother-In-Law is just trying to be sweet?? Should I try to talk her out of inviting them even though that was the whole point of her throwing the shower?
Post # 3
I would remind Future Mother-In-Law that it’s considered a faux pas at best to invite people to showers if they are not invited to the wedding, but I would word it gently, and I would let her make the judgement call. In some social circles this is perfectly acceptable, and your Future Mother-In-Law will know her friends the best. If that’s the way it’s normally done in her social circle, then I don’t personally see anything wrong with it. It may be a little uncomfortable to have a bunch of strangers there but it sounds like her intentions are good– she wants her friends to meet the woman her son has chosen for his wife– and I wouldn’t turn that down.
Post # 4
Unfortunately I think these people will come and assume they’re also invited to the wedding. Which puts you in an awkward position of feeling obligated to invite them, or deal with their annoyance after they’ve attended, given you a gift and feel like you were just gift grabby. I’d try your best to get fmil to limit the list to just those that are invited.
Post # 5
In this case, the Etiquette CAN BE either Traditional… Who gets invited to Wedding Showers also are Wedding Invites… OR it can be done as per Regional Customs (CoWorkers – Parent’s Friends – Chruch Ladies etc). The latter is very true for those who live out in the country or in small towns etc. Where a Wedding Shower, equates more to say a “barn raising” in days gone by (helping another family make their way in the world)
For more info on this take a look at another reply I wrote on this same subject earlier today… http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/lots-of-military-wedding-questions
Post # 6
I think if your mil wants to invite her close friends to a meet and greet at your shower, it’s fine. They don’t have to bring gifts but can celebrate with you and wish you well. I have been invited to bridal showers where I was not invited to the wedding. It might not be good etiquette but it’s done in this circle. Besides her intentions are good and she knows her friends so obviously she doesn’t think they will mind.
Post # 7
Thanks you guys 🙂 I asked her and she said they were completely fine with giving gifts and they know they’re not invited to the wedding, so this has worked out well!