Post # 1
My fiance and I are having a small wedding of about 60-70 people, mostly family and a few close friends. My future mother-in-law, who is very kind and knowledgeable about weddings, offered to through me a shower. I accepted thinking that it would be quite small and knowing that she loves planning these kinds of things.
Yesterday, she was asking about what I wanted the shower to be like and mentioned that she is planning to invite some of her friends and family that are not invited to the wedding. She said this is okay for a bridal shower for a small wedding. I thought the rule was to NEVER EVER invite someone to a shower and not the wedding, but I have searched and found a few exceptions. If the guests know they are not invited to the wedding, future mother-in-law will explain, is this acceptable practice? I don’t want to offend any one, especially soon to be family.
Also, most of the guests to the wedding on my side live far away, and only 2 or 3 could be expected to attend this shower, I’m having a second in my hometown. So, if these non-wedding guest shower invitees are not invited, that leaves a very small shower, of about 10-12, if everyone can attend.
Thanks in advance for any advice!
Post # 3
The etiquette says
#1 a family member should NOT be throwing you a party because it looks like the family is fishing for gifts for you
#2 that guests invited to the wedding shower should ALWAYS be invited to the wedding because it is rude to have them celebrate your upcoming nuptials but not be invited and it looks like you are fishing for more gifts!
I have been to a shower that has included a) ppl not invited to the wedding and b) thrown by a family member so it does happen! You will have to go with your gut on what you do – If you don’t feel comfortable politely decline your FMIL’s offer!
I personally wouldn’t do it as I really wouldn’t want to offend anyone and wouldn’t want anyone thinking that I am being greedy
Post # 4
I had this same issue – friends from work wanted to throw me a shower even though we couldn’t invite them to the wedding. I explained that and they said they really just wanted to do something nice for me, regardless of if they came to the wedding or not.
I relented, and asked that the invitation not ask for gifts. I can share the exact text if you like, but basically I said that we should have a party to eat, hang out, etc. If people bring gifts that’s their choice, but I didn’t want them to feel obligated.
It’s in a few weeks so I can let you know how it goes 🙂