Post # 1
I’m the RSVP contact for my friend’s shower, though there are a total of 4 hosts. Bride’s grandma left me a voicemail yesterday saying “My sister Blah Blah didn’t receive an invitation. You sent one to her daughter Blah, so you can send it there. Oh, and I’m coming to the shower.”
I checked with Bride and she had no intention of inviting her grandma’s sister to the shower. I asked Bride to look over her guestlist one more time and let me know if anyone was missing, otherwise I would just ignore all requests for “missing” invitations in the future.
Something similar happened when I hosted my sister’s baby shower last year. Daddy’s aunt called up demanding to know why her oldest daughter didn’t recieve an invitation and another aunt wanted me to send out FIVE additional invitations. I didn’t know these people, so I just referred them back to Daddy’s mom.
So two questions:
1) Is it ok for me to just ignore requests for additional invites (I always let all unknown callers go to voicemail, so I won’t be pressed for an answer.) or do I have to call them and tell them no?
2) What is the etiquette for invitations to a shower, anyway? Do you really have to invite all the women who are invited to the wedding? Bride wanted a smaller, intimate shower but in addition to her grandma we’ve now had an aunt and a friend assume others were invited to the shower.
Post # 3
@MexiPino: Maybe my etiquette wasn’t the best on my bridal shower but I sent a guest list and addresses to my MOH of the ONLY people I wanted at the shower. Not ONE person more. My MIL asked me a week before to send an invite to one of DH’s aunts who I really should have invited in the 1st place but overloked and didn’t, so I didn’t mind doing that. IMHO the bridal shower is about who the bride wants at the shower and if she looked over the guest list and didn’t add anyone, don’t add them. BUT, I would let her know you are getting phone calls and maybe she has an idea of how to handle it because every family is different.
Post # 4
@mjwyatt84: Yeah, I told her about grandma’s call which is how I heard about the aunt & friend. I just didn’t want her to be stressed out about it needlessly. I don’t care if her grandma wants to hate me til the end of her days for not sending an additional invite. Let everyone think I’m lazy or whatever. For me, that’s better than her being stressed when she’s planning a wedding and working and taking her licensing exams! Thanks for the feedback!
Post # 5
1) It’s incredibly rude to not call back someone who has left you a message, whether it’s wedding related or not, I think it’s more rude to ignore someone who called and asked you a direct question. So no, it is not okay to ignore the requests. You have to confront issues as the host.
2) Traditionally, all women (who are local) who are invited to the wedding are invited to the shower. However, if you made a guest list, I suppose you could stick with inviting just who you did invite. However, sending an invitation to one person in a household and not another, when they’re both invited to the wedding seems a little strange to me.
Post # 6
I have NEVER heard of anyone inviting ALL the women who are invited to the wedding… I would think that was excessive unless you were having a very small wedding. And what about for people like my family, who always have mixed gender showers? Would we just invite the entire wedding guest list to the shower? Nope nope nope.
As for ignoring it or answering it… I have no idea what would be best. :-/
Post # 7
@mjwyatt84: The bride isn’t supposed to design the guest list. The bride is not the host of the bridal shower, and therefore, technically has no say over the guest list. The host decides, generally by asking the bride for the wedding guest list to make sure the appropriate invitations are extended.
Post # 8
@abbie017: I’m pretty sure grandma meant “You can send it to her daughter’s house (even though she doesn’t live there) since you already have the address”. But, yeah, I suppose I have to call them. It’s just so weird dealing with people’s family drama when I don’t even know them, ya know? Stupid hosting duties. 😛
Post # 9
I think she was rude for calling and demanding an invitation for someone, especially by voicemail. She should have left you a message asking to call her back, then politely asked “Is my sister invited? She never received an invitation…” Bah. My instinct would to be ignore her, though I know that’s not polite and could start drama. Call back and explain that it’s an intimate shower, that space is limited, blah blah…
Post # 10
I agree that every family is different so it’s hard for us to judge. FI thought it was so weird that I was inviting my grandmother’s siblings to the wedding because he doesn’t know his grandparent’s siblings. Meanwhile mine are close with my grandmother and I see them a few times a year.
I would just let the bride know about the call and leave it up to her to decide.