Post # 1
Hi bees I need some help.
I am having a semi destination wedding in the Dominican Republic which is my hometown and where most of my family lives.
I do not have many girlfriends here, well besides my sister I have 2 friends that are girl that live here, so I was not planning a bachelorette party. My fiance has a lot of family that will not be able to attend the wedding because of the cost of traveling and getting the days of from work so they asked if I was going to have a wedding shower/bachelorette party.
I feel bad that they won’t be able to make it and it made me think that I could probably have something like that. They do not want something tame like a tea party and I do not want something wild like going to a strip club. I want to find a balance where there is food, alcohol, games (some could a little naughty). I just don’t know where to start planning. My Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister and she would help planning but most of the ladies attending are going to be my FI’s family.
Just to give an idea it would be a party of maybe 20-30 girls/ladies ages ranging from 19 – 50.
Any similar situation or ideas would be much appreciated.
Post # 3
Your bridal party or friends should plan your shower and/or bachelorette party. You should not be throwing pre-wedding parties in your honor, that is against etiquette.
If these events are happening at home rather than in the Dominican, remember that you cannot invite anyone who is not invited to the Destination Wedding.
Post # 4
I ALMOST did the same thing. At first, we could not invite many friends, but we rearranged the budget to fit more in. We thought to have an engagement party to celebrate with friends and such but yes, it is against ettiquite to throw a party like that in your own honor. I found that out here on the bee. My advice is to call it something other than a bachlorette, bridal shower, or engagement party. I totally get you want to celebrate with your friends so I would just invite them over for a cocktail party. We are just gonna have a dinner party. A celebration after the wedding with more friends than family. To me, anything before the wedding seems all gift grabby. So just label it differently and it should be fine! You could also just do a brunch. It could maybe have a theme, those are fun!
Post # 5
I actually do not want the party. I never even have an engagement party. And yes this people are invited to the wedding, we have the budget to have them at the wedding but not to fly them from Arizona to the DR.
I am not even registering for gifts. My Bridesmaid or Best Man are all over – 1 in California, 2 in the DR, and my Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister who is here. My only family here is my dad, step-mom, brother, and sister.
Is just something that my Fiance family wants me to do but not really something that I care much about doing, just thought it would be nice to do it for them. I tought about having another celebration after the wedding but that is outside of our budget.
Post # 6
Wait, your FI’s family wants you to throw them a separate party? That’s absurd. Explain to them that because of etiquette you cannot throw yourselves any pre-wedding parties. That puts the onus on them. Not to judge them or their finances, but the Dominican isn’t exactly China. You can get there pretty easily. Bride and groom shouldn’t be expected to pay for guest transport.
On second thought, have your Fiance tell them its against etiquette. They’re his family after all, he should deal with them.
Post # 7
@futuremrsfitz18: well its $650 for a round trip p/p and these ladies are married and have 2-3 kids plus the cost of stay and other expenses so I understand why they can’t all make it.
My Fi is Mexican and has a big family (7 aunts and 3 uncles) and the family is close so I get why they would like to be part of it. I am not too close with any of them aside from seeing them at the occasional family reunion (birthdays, celebrations) so they would not throw me any party and like I mentioned my sister is 19 and in college so she does not have the funds to throw a party for so many people and she has only met my FI’s family twice.
I guess I am just in a weird situation. Me and SO have been together for 5 years, lived together for 4 years and share expenses so I feel silly about bridal showers and not completely care for bachelorette party I just wanted to please his family so I don’t come off as “snobby” or like I don’t want anything to do with them.