Post # 1
My FMIL is upset because she apparently wanted to host a bridal shower. I always thought the bridal shower was thrown by the bridesmaids, or failing that, the bride’s family & friends (that’s who threw mine a few weeks ago). Did they step on her toes by not giving her the chance to do it first? (FYI: my family/friends hadn’t met FMIL until the shower, so it’s not like they could have coordinated something together).
She’s upset that I excluded her from the process, but I had nothing to do with it since my Aunts threw it; all I did was show up. I kind of thought that was the point. She says she feels left out and that I should have let her do it. Is this normal?
Post # 3
Well, it’s normal that she would want to be involved, but I totally understand that you had nothing to do with the planning and it wasn’t anyone’s fault.
Your FMIL should feel welcome to throw her own shower for you if she really wants to host. Were all her female relatives invited to your shower? If not, it’s the perfect opportunity for her to throw a shower and invite her side of the family. Your mom and bridesmaids should be invited to both, just like your FMIL was invited to theirs, and everyone should be happy.
Would that work?
Post # 4
All her female relatives that are invited to the wedding were invited, but many of them didn’t come (some live out of town, some just didn’t come). I considered telling her that she could host her own if she wanted, but I was afraid it would seem to the other guests like a gift-grab.
Post # 5
i always thought that guests got invited to only 1 shower (for the same reason you mention, it seems like a gift grab), but i could be wrong. i would try to get your aunts to call her and apologize — don’t even get in the middle of this. you weren’t the host, so you shouldn’t be taking the blame.
Post # 6
My understanding is that the moh and bridesmaids throw the shower and the people invited are people the bride knows. If you don’t know your fmils relatives and friends, then they aren’t supposed to be invited. If she really wants to throw you a second shower for her and her friends/family then let her; it seems as if as long as the bride isn’t the one encouraging all the different showers it is okay.
I was just informed that the people at my fiance’s work want to throw us a shower, they have planned it for a day that they know I will be off of work early so I can drive down to his work and attend. Only a small handful of my fiance’s co-workers are invited to the wedding and only one of them is invited to my bridal shower — but this is something they planned on their own w/o our influence — so I figure it is okay.
Post # 7
I don’t think she should be mad at you. After all you’re not the one that planned it. It was your Aunties that planned it. If she wants to plan another one for you I think that’s fine. From what I understand your MOH and BMs are usually the ones that plan it and if they can’t/don’t then the Brides side of the family and friend can step in. In my case my MOH and BMs are planning it but a member of FI’s family got hurt because she wanted to be the host. I don’t understand why she would assume she’ll be the one that plans it when MOH and BMs are pretty much done planning. All I have to do is give my MOH a guestlist. I figured FI has sisters that when they eventually get married his family can host it. But FI also mentioned that he doesn’t think any of his sisters will get married and that our wedding will probably be the only one his family will get to participate in. LoL So mean… but those are his words. I just kept my comments to myself.
Post # 8
According to etiquette "immediate memebers of the bride’s family or the groom’s should NOT give the bridal shower. This includes the brides mother, grandmothers, and sisters. Aunts, cousins, members of the bridal party, co-workers, or just firends are eligible hostesses. For the bride’s immediate familly to do so is in very poor taste."
Post # 9
Yeah, that’s the weird thing, FI has a sister who will probably have a shower some day that FMIL can lord over if she wants. Of course, lil’ sis is only 15.
That’s part of why the shower was hosted by my aunts. I have three bridesmaids: one is a poor college student, one lives in another part of the country, and one is 15 years old.
It never occurred to me about the host-etiquette stating immediate family members shouldn’t host, although I’ve read this before and it makes sense. That might be a good point to make if she brings it up again. Thanks!!
Post # 10
hehe, where is that etiquette quote from?
Post # 11
I would love love loooooove to let my Inlaws know about this host-etiquette but so far anything I’ve told them gets followed with an "Oh you don’t have to do that… you do what you want." But funny when we mention seeing eachother before the ceremony and they bust out with "You can’t do that… it’s tradition to not see eachother before the wedding"… Make up your mind! Do what I want or follow traditions. The whole not having immediate family host makes since to me b/c I don’t want ppl to think we’re "fishing" for gifts.
wondermart: keep us posted and gLuck!