Post # 1
I am new to wedding bee but I have been reading the posts for a few months now. J I have an etiquette question. My MOH needs a guest list from me for my bridal shower and I am not sure who it should include. Obviously those near and dear to me, my family and those coming to the wedding that live near the shower. But I keep thinking I should invite those that live out of town or even out of state because they were invited to the wedding, but I am 98% sure they won’t be able to make it. Also, I keep wondering if I should send a shower invite to those who have declined the invite to the wedding (mostly due to travel as well) because they also will most likely not be able to make it. Most of these women out of state are my fiancé’s family that I have never met so I also get worried about alienating them by not inviting them to the shower or by making them feel obligated to come or send a gift because they were invited. So my brain is really in a quandary. I have heard over and over, every woman invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower, but I am just not sure if that applies when dealing with out of state guests, guests you don’t know personally (like my fiancé’s family) or guests you know can’t come to the shower or the wedding.
Thank you so much!
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
I wouldn’t invite people you know can’t make it unless they are very close family– for instance, my future sister in law was invited, despite living 2 states away. But none of my other traveling family was invited.
As for people who have already declined the wedding– I wouldn’t invite them at all. If you’re worried about alienating them, I would recommend either you, or maybe asking for FMIL, to call them and express your regret that they can’t make it– and that you’re looking forward to meeting them some time in the future. That way, they get the sentiment that you want to include them, without feeling any obligation to send a gift or anything else.
I’m not sure where you heard “I have heard over and over, every woman invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower” but this is actually VERY wrong– a shower is an intimate occasion for those closest to you– you should NOT invite every woman on the wedding guest list.
Post # 4
@juliette.eliza: I am not good at etiquette at all, so I have read some blogs and books on it and that is what they said, also my sis who is MOH said that was the rule of thumb. I would rather it be a smaller, more intimate affair because I think it would be more fun! Thank you so much for your advice!
Post # 6
It’s not “every woman invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower,” but rather, “every woman invited to the shower should be invited to the wedding.“
The shower invitees should be a smaller subset of the wedding invitees. For the shower, only invite people you are close to whom you think would be likely to be able to come. Inviting out-of-state people, especially if they’ve already RSVP’s no to the wedding, risks looking like a gift-grab. The exception would be someone you’re super close to, who lives far away but whom you want to feel included.
Post # 7
I was wondering about this too! We are not at the shower stage yet, but I have tons of OOT family/friends and was trying to figure out who to invite while not wanting people to feel left out or obligated to send a gift.
Post # 8
Not every woman invited to the wedding needs to be invited to the bridaal shower. I have never heard that ‘rule’. I am not inviting oot guests (they have to soend enough to come to the wedding as is and will be impossible for them to come to the shower too). I am inviting all the local women that will be invited to the wedding, which will be about 40/50 people. My guest list is around 150.