Post # 1
I need some advice. My fiance’s aunt has graciously offered to host a shower for me. She asked for access to our wedding guest list, which I gave her. One evening, in passing, she mentioned the idea of inviting a few ladies from our church with whom I am fairly close. FH’s family and I are very involved in our church and we couldn’t possibly invite everyone or even near everyone to the wedding (which is 2.5 hours away, in my hometown). So we decided the safest route would be to just not invite anyome from the church to spare hurt feelings of church members who didnt make the cut. At the time she asked me my thoughts of inviting those few ladies, I didn’t think much of it, and assumed that since she had access to my guest list (which didn’t include these women) and didn’t see it as a problem, I must have been misinformed. Now that I have been reading up on the issue, I have learned that this is, in fact, a huge faux pas. However, the shower invites have already gone out. What should I do?
Other potentially important background facts: as I said, the wedding is across the state. We have already trimmed our guest list to close family and a handful of friends. Even if we had wiggle room in our guest list, those spots would probably go to family who didn’t make the cut. And even if we invited these few ladies and their husbands, that would leave out others in the church with whom we are probably equally as close.
Post # 3
@LJlove: I would just thank them over and over and really stress that you feel awful they can’t be at the wedding! I know at our church we’re all pretty close, but their is NO WAY we could invite them all to our wedding! What you could do is have a little get together in the reception hall (if you have one) at your church when you get back from the honey moon. Just to celebrate with your church family and let them all know how thankful you are for them in your lives. Maybe then you could say at the shower that you can’t wait to celebrate with them when you get back.
Note: I would definitely foot the bill of the little get together in the reception hall though. And I wouldn’t let it get too big! LIke a double reception or anything, maybe just an hour thing after a sunday or wednesday night service! 🙂 Hope that helps a little! 🙂
Post # 4
Tell FI’s aunt the challenge. She might have some ideas you aren’t considering. She might even be thinking inviting them to the shower is a way of including them, instead of it being a major faux pas. And she might decide to talk to them herself and explain. And these ladies may not think anything of it at all. I’m learning on the Bee that not everyone feels this way.
Honestly, this shower isn’t your event. It’s hers. You are the guest of honor. I don’t feel of course, she did anything wrong on purpose, but you are right…it’s a pickle. Just be honest and allow her to handle.
There isn’t anything you can technically do at this point except be gracious and kind, which you very much sound like already! =)