Post # 1
First of all I should mention that my FMIL and I get along fine, but things have always been a bit awkward. We are both not very social people and have had a hard time relating to each other and are not close. Since we got engaged she has not been very involved with the wedding at all. I try to include her, but it just ends up being another awkward conversation.
Anyways, FMIL just moved to NC (we live in NH) because her FI got a good job out there. She will not be able to come back until the week before the wedding. My question (Finally) is how do Bridal showers work? Who hosts them and who do they invite. I am worried that with FMIL not being able to come, it will be awkward having my FI’s family there since I haven’t even met some of them. Plus we both have huge families so there will be a lot of people who don’t know each other.
At this point I am thinking I don’t want a bridal shower. It really isn’t important to me and I don’t want to offend a family that I am still trying to connect with. Any thoughts on this?
Post # 3
@MrsMath: I may be dealing with an issue like this so I’m interested in the answers that other bees give you. I’m not *that* close with my FMIL. FI is in the military. He is in Seattle….I’m in NJ…and FMIL is in VA. I’m sure that she wont be able to come to NJ for both the wedding and a shower. His family is also in VA and they probably won’t be able to come. It’s weird. I still think you should have a shower. You have YOUR own family and friends so why not?!?
As far as hosting, I have seen many things: MOB hosting it, BMs hosting it, MOH hosting it…I see on here some brides hosting their own.
I think my mother will be hosting mine b/c my BMs are all already coming to Jamaica for my bachelorette.
Definitely HAVE one. I bet even if you dont think you will have one, someone may surprise you!
Post # 4
@MrsMath: New brides often confuse two similar pre-wedding events: bridal showers, and bridal teas. Both are afternoon gatherings of (usually exclusively) women featuring refreshments and a chance to socialize prior to the wedding.
A shower has the additional character, that the primary purpoose is to “shower” the bride with gifts and that the primary entertainment is watching the bride open the different gifts. Gifts are therefore mandatory — the ONLY occasion when that is true. So, it looks pretty self-serving for a bride or one of her relatives to host a shower. Every person a bride invites to her own shower, is a person from whom she is demanding a gift. And that’s too bad, because in most cases what a bride is really seeking when she chooses to host her own shower, is the love and support of her gathered friends, not a collection of potato peelers and tea-towels. She could spare herself the appearance of materialistic greed by hosting her own pre-wedding tea instead, which is a non-gift event.
Showers are more properly hosted by the bride’s friends; and the bride is invited as the guest of honour. Often, the bride is the only guest, with the friends cooperating together to act as co-hostesses. When there is a longer guestlist, however, the hostess of the shower must make sure that she invites only ladies who, she has reason to believe, would actively want to give a shower-gift to the bride. One way of approaching that, is to invite only ladies who are also invited to the wedding. That isn’t a certainty, however: some ladies such as old Sunday-school teachers and the elderly next-door neighbour who watched her grow up might want to participate in the shower even though they aren’t invited to the wedding, and some ladies like her crazy third-cousin’s wife who is invited out of family obligation, might not be so enthusiastic. The hostess has to hone her emotional intelligence and use good judgement.
A bride may have more than one shower, given by different groups of friends or her club, church, or co-workers. Her future in-laws sometimes also give a shower, to which they invite only their family. It is given as a chance for the bride to get to know the women of her new family.
Post # 5
My maid of honor and matron of honor hosted mine with a little help from my other two bridesmaids. They asked for a list of who all needed to be invited and I literally just wrote down the name of every woman who is invited to the wedding. We had my bridal shower in Vegas, where I live and one of my MOHs came from Nebraska. My fmil and fsil came down from Texas oh and one of my fi’s aunts came from Texas as well! You’d be surprised at how many people are willing to travel for your shower! As for hosting, anyone in the bridal party can throw you one or your mom or aunts or grandma! Or even just a friend from work! My moms sister was getting married wayyy back in the day and when no one offered to throw her a shower my dad decided he was doing it haha someone will throw you one 😉