bridal shower question.

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
6457 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@carlypaige:  is there a reason you can’t ask for gifts from the places you want gift cards too? I think it would be very boring to attend a shower where the bride is only opening gift cards. I also don’t think there is really a polite way to ask.

Post # 4
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Typically you receive gift cards or money at the wedding. The point of a bridal shower is to shower you with actual gifts. It’s rude to demand any type of gift and no offense, but I doubt many people want to attend a shower and watch you open gift cards. If all you really want is gift cards and money, skip the shower and just wait for the wedding. 


Post # 5
10906 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@carlypaige:  This really isn’t something that you can do, since a bride (or anyone else for that matter) cannot properly “ask” for gifts of any kind.

What you can do, however, is to register for some gift cards when you’re registering for tangible, household items, and you also can empower the person or people who are hosting the shower to inform any guests who (proactively ) ask what you want or need to subtly point such inquriing guests in the direction of a gift card.

Post # 6
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@carlypaige:  when you register you can register for gift cards and people do buy them. If you arent registering for physical gifts there is no point in a shower. 

Post # 7
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

My feeling is that if you don’t need or wan’t gifts, you don’t need a shower. That’s the point. Otherwise it seems greedy.

Post # 9
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Just don’t register. If people want to give you something they will likely give you cash. 

Post # 11
1018 posts
Bumble bee

@carlypaige:  If you don’t need anything why have a shower? Genuinely curious not trying to be rude…


People will probably still gift money/cards at your destination wedding 🙂

Surely there are some things you need upgraded…towels? sheets? ring cleaner or a ring holder? kitchen appliances?

Post # 12
1018 posts
Bumble bee

@carlypaige:  Sorry I just saw your post on why you want a shower… how about just have a get together then that isn’t a shower? Just like, have everyone over for dinner or something?

Post # 14
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here… lol

As another Bee has said, the point of a Shower is to “Shower the Guest of Honour with Gifts they need to meet the next phase of their life” (be that a Bridal Shower, or a Baby Shower)

IF you don’t feel you need anything, then it is not appropriate to have a Shower.

And it is NEVER appropriate to ask anyone for any sort of Cash Gift… be it Cash – Cheque – Gift Card – or a “Fund” of some sort

The old rule is… “Thou shall not mention money”

In truth, most Brides… even those who have an established home already, can use somethings… a good time to upgrade, or add things that might be needed as this is a life change… China, Crystal, Cutlery, Entertainment Items, Better Beddings, Towels, etc.

Or maybe a “personal shower” with items you can use on the Honeymoon (altho this one is usually done as a 2nd Shower with a Girls BFFs and often gifts of Lingerie, Personal Care are given etc)

There is a difference for most people to go from single woman to wife / partner… in a situation where you’ll do stuff like entertain more… or maybe you and your Hubby2B have common interests you’d like to expand upon

Couples Showers are particularly fun… and a great way to organize a get-together that can accommodate even more people (men & women)… themes here might be… Backyard Entertaining – Grilling & BBQ – Wine – Music – Camping… etc  Stuff that the Couple would enjoy together.

Outside of that… ya a Shower may not be for you… and there isn’t anything wrong with that.  A Shower is not a MUST DO item for every Bride.

As for Weddings…

Gifts are inevitable.  Guests give em.  Altho you cannot ask for anything specific, you can find ways to direct your Guest’s attention.  You can use a Registery (no more than 2 Stores) or if you truly are “wishing” for cash… have a very small Registry.  Guests will catch on and give you Money, Gift Cards etc vs Boxed Gifts (altho you’ll probably still get a few).

OR you can have someone close (Family & Bridal Party) pass the word amongst Guests who ask “What do the Bride & Groom want / need” … something along the lines of “They are saving for a house” etc.

BUT in no way should it ever be yourself or your Hubby2B, that is making any mention of Gifts whatsoever… (so not cool to put info in your Wedding Invitation etither)… you want Family & Friends to handle passing the word.

The one exception is a Wedding Website if you have one.  There you can have a page that has General Wedding Info (ie Directions to the Venue, Hotel etc) and on it you can write in the 3rd person…

The Bride & Groom are Registered at ___ & ___

Thats it.  Thats all

Hope this helps,

PS… I know this isn’t necessarily what you want to hear.  BUT it is tried & true.  It will offend virtually no one.  And that is important.  Because we do offend a Wedding Guest you ultimately run the risk of things backfiring on you.  And Uncle Bob & Aunt Sally who may have the largest chance of making your dreams come true by their gift, might very well be so put off, that they’ll cut back, or not give you one.  And WHY would anyone want to risk that happening ?

And don’t worry too much about people not finding out what you want.  They will.  They always do.  Word of mouth has been working for eons… it was all people had before the Internet… and Brides from that period would tell you that no one went without.  They too got more than they ever imagined !!  It will happen for you too.  I promise.


Post # 16
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’ve received invites that say “monetary gifts appreciated” and i don’t personally mind! 

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