Post # 1
I am wondering if anyone can tell me how this works. My future mother in law has asked me if I’m having a bridal shower and if I’m registering the last three times I saw her. I don’t know what to say. Am I supposed to be planning a bridal shower? I read online that the bride is not supposed to plan her own bridal shower, and that it is bad etiquette in fact to do so. I’m happy about that, because I certainly do not want to plan a bridal shower, I would just assume not have one all together. But I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to her when she asks me this? The first couple times she asked I just shrugged it off, like oh that is so far away yet. But we are getting closer to the wedding date now and I felt really stupid when she asked me the last time. She also asked me if I’m registering. I don’t know how or why to register for something that I’m not supposed to plan? Or am I supposed to register for the wedding anyway and people just use the same registry if there were to be a bridal shower? I’m sure this is different for all families or maybe it’s even a regional thing but I’ve only ever given a gift of money as a wedding gift, as that is what I saw my family do growing up. I feel like that is most common in the area I live.
Do I just say no, I’m not having a bridal shower? Maybe it’s a lot simpler than I think? And what about registering? Do I just make a small wedding registry and give her the info for that? How long before the wedding do I need to make a registry? I had thought this would not need to be done before invitations went out, but now I’m wondering if I’m totally wrong.
Thank you all!
Post # 3
Tell her you don’t know…nobody has mentioned throwing you one. Maybe she’s digging to see if SHE should do one for you. I know a lot of Brides register early, b/c people will want to get you gifts whether you have a shower or not. If you don’t WANT a registry then don’t make one, and tell your MIL that you’re not having one, and therefore, don’t need a shower.
Post # 4
your registry acts as both your wedding and bridal shower registry. people can also use that registry if they are buying you engagement gifts.
the sooner you register, the better.
typically the MOH and BMs host the shower. but if your FMIL wants to throw you one, let her. you can mention to your MOH about the shower your FMIL wants to throw. you might have 2, you might have 1 big one, you never know.
the only people that do not host the shower are the bride or her mother, that makes it seem gift grabby.
Post # 5
Well the registry for the shower is typically the one used for the wedding. So if you’re going to register for the wedding, you would use that same registry for the shower.
Do you have a bridal party? Typically the MOH and BMs hosts one. Though it’s not uncommon for a mother, FMIL, or aunt to host one for that side of the family.
I would just tell her you have no plans for a shower at this moment. Maybe she wants to throw you one?
Post # 6
If no one has mentioned that they are throwing you a bridal shower (though you’re still quite a ways away from anyone thinking about that), you can just tell her that no one has offered to host one yet. It’s possible that she’s wanting to host one for you.
As far as registering goes, typically you register at 1-2 stores for both the bridal shower(s) and the wedding. If you do not want to register anywhere (like you already have nice things for your home), then don’t. If you don’t register, you shouldn’t have a bridal shower.
Post # 7
Just be honest with her – you don’t know. The bride is not supposed to plan the shower on her own, but I think she can help. My mom and FMIL put mine on and I helped alot. I printed the invitations, picked out the games, made a dish, helped set up, decorate and clean up but they did a majority of the planning along with the bridesmaids.
Post # 8
@yehyehgirl: I knew I was going to have one, so my FI and I registered–it was spoken about. We just didn’t know who planned it and paid for it.
If you register for gifts, hopefully someone will take the inititive to plan you one. If you don’t get one, then you don’t one.
Post # 9
Bridal showers were held long before there were registries. Yes, it does make it easier for your guests to choose a gift, but not having a registry does not make a bride ineligible for a shower.
Someone could host a kitchen, time of day, recipe, wine, lingerie, date night, etc etc etc shower without using a registry at all.
Post # 10
Wow, thanks for all the responses – and quick! This is awesome J
Okay, so I should have at least a small registry for the wedding anyway, in case any of the guests would like to buy a gift. AND that same registry would serve the shower too if there is a shower in the future. And I might as well make the registry now because you can never register too early.
As for the specific shower question, the right answer to give her is just no, or not as of yet. But then, I hate for her to think she has to throw me a shower because no one else is. I do not need a shower at all. Also, what if my MOH/BM are going to have a shower for me and I just don’t know it? Am I supposed to ask them if they are? That doesn’t seem right to me.
I have one matron of honor and one bridesmaid. I don’t have any sisters and neither does my fiancé. I hope my FMIL does not feel obligated to put something together. I’d like her know that it’s not necessary but I of course don’t want to be ungrateful either.
Post # 11
@vorpalette: +1 Exactly what I was going to say!