Post # 1
Hey Ladies! After reading the "sad bride" post I wanted to ask ya’ll how coordinating a bridal shower when all the BMs live in different cities (and we all don’t really know each other) works?
I am a BM in my friends wedding in June and havn’t heard anything from her MOH (who lives in a different city & I don’t really know that well) about us throwing her a shower. Then just yesterday I got an invitation to a bridal shower for her, and I didn’t recognize any of the hosts names, I don’t even think they are her aunts, I think its a few teachers that she works with.
So my question is, if I go to this shower & get a gift, and get invited to another one thrown by her family/ or maybe us if the MOH plans one; is it okay for me to not bring a gift again? I’m sure all her showers will be in her hometown and I will have to make a weekend trip out of it each time, so I need to know the dates. Is it rude for me to ask how many showers she knows that she is going to have?
IMO the shower thing is confusing when some of her BMs live OFT and since we don’t know each other, and it gets more confusing when there are multiple showers. So Bees what did your BMs do if you had multiple showers? And whats your advice to me?
Post # 3
You could get her one gift, that has several parts (like dishes, or utelsils, or whatever) and give her part at the first shower and the other part at the second shower. You could write something funny and crytic in the card to her to let her know there would "be more!"
She’d probably laugh!
If the MOH doesn’t plan one, would you? Maybe the MOH doesn’t have time. You could plan a lingere shower and request that everyone gets her cute lingere!
Post # 4
If the shower is from coworkers, I’m wondering why they are not just having one for the office. Is it a surprise shower? I would try to get to the bottom of this. Can you ask the bride or her mother?
If you are invited to more than one shower, you do not have to bring a second gift. Generally, there shouldn’t be a noverlap of guests at showers, but the BP is often an exception.
I would circle the wagons and call or e-mail the rest of the BP. If the MOH hasn’t stepped up, use this an opportunity to say, "Hey so are we having one too?" If you don’t know the other girls’ info, get it from the bride or her mom, if possible. And personally, especially being OOT, I don’t think I’d go to another shower if I was hosting one.
I would also consider just talking to her mom about what she thinks about having a separate shower. It is difficult to plan from a far. Maybe mom or an aunt would be willing to help. I wouldn’t sepcifically ask her to host, but maybe she knows places to hold it, or offer her house. I think if you can secure a venue from OOT, it will not be to difficult after that.
The MOH should have stepped up so at least everyone knows the who and what of the shower. It is 3 months until the wedding and there seems to be no communication. Not to mention the reality is that a shower is being planned around the BP. I don’t know if someone was trying to do you a favor because all of you are OOT, or if someone stepped up because it didn’t look like the BP was going to get it together. But honestly, if I was in a BP and this was happening, I would be a little embarassed. It looks like you’ll have to be the responsible BM and get it straightened out.
Post # 5
If you get invited to more than one shower for one person I would try to get a multi-part gift, like maybe a bunch of little kitchen utensils. But absolutely I don’t think you have to get her two big presents! Probably you would be invited to both because you are a part of both circles? In theory guest-overlap in showers should be kept to a minimum to avoid this very problem. Good luck!
Post # 6
Definitely get in touch with the MOH. You can use this invitation as an excuse – if you were invited to this co-worker shower, chances are she was, too. Just ask if she knows who’s throwing, then you can start a conversation about any showers the bridal party might throw for her.
As for the gift, it’s a sweet idea to get a multi-part gift, as others have suggested (the hive is full of good ideas!). Or maybe for the other showers, all of the bridesmaids can go in on a gift together, for each shower, which would save you a little bit of money.