Bridal shower this Saturday no family going!

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

Can you explain your situation to us a little bit? Are you doing a vow renewal? Or did you just have a little wedding before and are now having a bigger one? I guess I’m just a little confused why your having a bridal shower if you are already married. I didn’t think these were a thing for vow renewals.

Post # 4
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

 

IceAndFire:  I’m with you, OP can you elaborate? I’m confused.

Post # 5
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I didn’t think bridal showers were done for people who were already married.

Post # 7
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

 

eecuadrado:  OOHHHH, it makes alot more sense now 🙂 I’m really sorry that your family won’t be able to make it to your shower, but don’t let it get you down! You don’t want to appear upset during your shower because it might make your guests that did make it feel like you don’t care that they came. Also, at least your family will be able to make it to your actual wedding (i’m assuming?) and that should be all that matters!

Unfortunately, Ive read alot of posts on the bee about not many people attending their bridal showers. Maybe they aren’t seen as important anymore? I don’t know, I’m just guessing. I’m personally not having a bridal shower so I can’t say much on that.

Post # 8
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee

They may not be coming, but they know your wedding registry, right? I would send the ones that missed your shower a video.

Post # 9
Member
42522 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Families who do not get along or support each other, don’t change just because one of them is getting married.Unrealistic expectations are just that- unrealistic.

Enjoy your shower with those who will be there.

Post # 10
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I feel your pain! My relationship with my mom had been rocky for a long time. Some sections better than others. She has not been involved much in wedding talk other than to tell me to “just get married already” (been engaged for 7.5 years.. lol) or to tell me who to invite (she HAS to have friends there). Since FI and I have been together so long, she said she wouldn’t attend a bridal shower if I had one. I don’t plan on having one really… I’m not throwing one for myself and since she’s not I don’t know who would really. It was hurtful..especially when she talks about all the things that people did for her for her wedding. She also didn’t help with my baby shower..my dad paid for everything. (They’re married still but have very different views on money and helping family.)

So… I have no sadvice. But, you’re not alone in having a mother who seems like she doesn’t care.

Post # 11
Member
637 posts
Busy bee

IceAndFire:  I agree.  In my area, with so many couples living together before marriage showers aren’t really as popular as when my sister and cousin got married several years ago.

The point of a shower is to “shower” the couple with gifts needed to set up a home.  OP, you’re already married.  I know you’re calling your big party a “wedding” but the fact of the matter is, you are married – and have a child – so I side eye the fact that you’re actually having a bridal shower.

Post # 12
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Perhaps they’re unhappy that you got married in secret and didn’t tell them until after the fact. Feelings probably got hurt. You should talk to your mom about it.

Post # 14
Member
637 posts
Busy bee

eecuadrado:  So let me get this straight….you got married at city hall without telling anyone, so all these people that are attending your “wedding” think they are seeing you get married for the first time?  And the people that are attending your shower have no idea that you’re already married?????

I am FLOORED that you think this is OK.  I would be PISSED to attend a wedding that really isn’t a wedding.

Post # 15
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

eecuadrado:  Haha! I know! I got engaged when I was 19 and in college. We were broke, no help from parents. I didn’t wanted a decent size wedding…blah blah. Then we ended up buying a house and having a baby. Soooo.. needeless to say, we’re getting married next year on our 10 year anniversary. 🙂 (and it’s much more low key then what I was envisioning at 19.. ha.) 

SunnierDaysAhead:  Her previous post says that people didn’t know that she got married at city hall until after the fact. So I’m assuming that people know now.

 

I don’t think this is uncommon.. however, I know a lot of people in the military who have city hall weddings and then “real” weddings after the fact. I don’t see a problem. I don’t really need to see people get married for real, I just like to celebrate with them. I also know people who have had showers between their city hall marriage and their “real” wedding. I don’t see an issue. 

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