Post # 1
I tend to get wordy…bear with me. 🙂
My Aunt offered to pay for a shower for my side of the family, which I’d really like to book the venue for. Problem is, FI’s family hasn’t even asked about the shower, let alone offered to help with one. I want a combined shower, but I have no idea right now if FI’s family is going to help at all. Fiance is against against asking, which is something I really don’t want to do either, but if they never offer then either I have to a) book the venue anyway and if they don’t offer, just try to come up with the money for their side on my own, or b) book the venue for my side of the family, and wait to see if they throw me another shower. If they don’t, then I just go without a shower on FI’s side
Let me also say, my family is paying for our venue in full – and they’re also giving FI’s family the same amount of guests that they’re getting. Fiance and I are paying for our fair share of things, and if nobody offers to throw us a rehersal dinner – we’ll be paying for that too. My Mom is very understanding that their family doesn’t have the kind of money she does, but I can tell she’s also getting a little frustrated with them – something I really didn’t want to happen.
Have any Bees had any experience with this? Did you wait for an offer, or just come out and ask. And if you did, how did it go?
Post # 3
I agree with your Fi. I don’t think you should ask them host or pay for half of a shower. I also think it’s a personal choice how much a parent chooses to contribute, and it’s really great your Mom and family are willing to spend on this wedding. She is entitled to her feelings about what they are doing, however she should not expect them to contribute in a way they cannot afford, and even if they could afford it some families don’t believe in financing their children or family members weddings.
I think the way you handle things so far is the right way to go about it. I think asking for money is tricky and can cause all types of hurt/bad feelings. I think listening to your fi might be wise in this case. Good luck!
ps: Fi and I planned on paying for our wedding on our own and both set of Parents made offers. I think if you have to ask you have to have realistic expectations, and realize that they may for practical reasons, or just personal beliefs about money choose to not contribute. I think even if they were contributing to the wedding or rehearsal dinner, they might not want to do it for a wedding shower. I wouldn’t have asked personally, and I would have been upset if Fi did(but only because that is what we agreed to as a couple).
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Why do you need to book the venue so early- when are you planning on having the shower (since your wedding’s a year away, I’m not sure why this is an issue right now)?
Is your Aunt only willing to host for your family, not friends? If she’s hosting, she could always contact your Future Mother-In-Law for example- “I’m hosting the shower for mrs-j-to-be, and was wondering if you could help me with decorations, etc.”
Since finances seem to be a concern, why not host it at someone’s house, or do something else to keep it lower cost? (Mine is in a restaurant’s party room, but they’re not charging the hostesses for the room, and are allowing outside desserts.)
If closer to the date, no one from FI’s family volunteers (mine certainly didn’t), if would be nice if your Aunt could at least invite your Future Mother-In-Law. You really can’t ask someone to host a party for you (would be nice, though)
Post # 5
Is that your true wedding date? I personally think its way too early to even be figuring out showers and who will do what.
I wouldn’t ask them aboout it either. You can start having a few conversations about showers and parties,etc., and see where it leads, but not outright ask them.
Post # 6
The venue is low cost and requires minimal decoration – which is why we decided on it instead of at somebody’s house. The shower is also less than a year away (we’re having it early-ish so my Maid/Matron of Honor can attend. She goes to school quite a few states away. My Mom is also going out of town the month before my wedding) and my Aunt suggested booking early since we have a specific date that we want. I’m not going to grab it tomorrow or anything, but probably at least within the next month or two.
I know you are all right…I don’t really want to ask and would feel awful doing it. After I wrote that whole mess out, I realized that I’m most likely just going to book the venue for the combined shower and if they offer, great. If they don’t, I’ll just come up with the money.
Thanks for your thoughts, even though you usually always tell me what I already knew. 🙂