Post # 1
I’ll preface this with: this post is NOT meant to become a big controversy. If you wanted/got a bridal shower, awesome.
I’m wondering who else out there in Bee land did not want one, and why.
My bridesmaids and my mom are hosting an “un-shower” for me this weekend, and I have to say, I could not be more excited and relieved. Instead of spending money and watching me open presents, we are having a girls-only mani/pedi brunch.
Why am I excited about not getting presents?
– read the Bee for a week. The amount of post-shower “I’m hurt” and “I’m disappointed” posts are overwhelming. It sucks to be let down. Being let down happens when you have expectations that aren’t met. Not having the expectation for gifts means…no hurt feelings or feeling let down
– the last thing we need is more STUFF. the last thing I want for my friends and family is to feel obligated to buy STUFF. “Greenback” showers make people cringe/snicker. We don’t need money any more or less than any of our friends do.
– the idea of bridal showers comes from old fashioned and sexist traditions… that I’m a inexperienced virgin who has never lived away from my parents, and need supplies to be a good wife and keep a good house and put a good dinner on the table (FI cooks more than I do…why should I be getting all the pots and pans?)
So for those of you who are not having a shower for whatever reason, don’t despair – if your bridesmaids aren’t hosting/can’t host a shower – throw a tea/brunch/spa party with your nearest and dearest and forget the gifts. This is tradition I think is worth breaking!
Post # 3
I won’t be having one.. I don’t need that, i don’t like being the center of attention and of course the whole thing where no one shows up…..i like the whole idea that you have planned.
Post # 4
@Romantigua: I hear ya on the center of attention thing too. I like that SOMETIMES, but only when its about things I’ve accomplished or something I’m proud of – not just having people sit around pretending to be excited about whatever box I’m opening…
Post # 5
I wish I didnt have one. My mother in laws cheap micheals candle holders will never ever ever see the light of day and Im forced to keep them in my house just in case she asks. We had a shower because many relatives wanted to be part of our wedding but couldnt attend so we had a shower in my home town. Head ache not worth it.
Post # 6
I wish I hadn’t had any! I initially told my MOH and family that I wasn’t really a shower person, and would much prefer a low-key coed barbecue with no gifts if they felt inclined to have a party. Parties in my honor make me extremely anxious (I refused to have a grad party), and I also don’t like the sexist tradition behind it.
Somehow, I ended up with two traditional, all women showers. The first was huge (around 40 people), and I was in the bathroom hyperventilating and crying before the guests arrived. I pretty much felt ill the whole time. The hostesses did a beautiful job and I appreciate their generosity, but it was not at all what I wanted. My second is next weekend, and should only be around 10-12 people, thank goodness, but it still makes me anxious.
After talking to other women who have been married before, most of them said they didn’t really like their showers.
Post # 7
I hear way more of those kinds of stories than positive ones. Plus people inevitably bitch about going to them… while also insisting that you need to have one. It’s all very silly. I hope the tradition of NEEDING a shower fizzles out someday soon.
Post # 8
Not having one…second marriage for me (1st was 26 yrs ago) so it is inappropriate. I’ve lived on my own for 26 years, dont need any “stuff” and I’m too old for this stuff anyway. I dont want wedding gifts either.
Post # 9
@mandypop: I LOVE the mani/pedi brunch idea! But I’ll throw in a massage too! Or maybe an overnight spa day with my mom/cousins/aunts/besties. I don’t think I’m going to have a shower because me and the honey are thinking to do DW, and well, 95% of the people I would invite to the shower would NOT be invited to the wedding. I asked my fellow bees and they’ve told me it would be very rude to do that, so… looks like no shower for me. The more I think about it, the more okay I am about it. Especially after reading what you’re doing, I really like that idea!
Post # 10
I am not having one for a few reasons. None of my friends are invited to my wedding, so I don’t want them to throw me a shower even though they offered. I don’t feel right about it. I also hate being the center of attention.
However, I am having a ladies night at my house instead of a shower. My friends will all come over and we’ll have wine, appetizers and play some games. That way I still get to spend time with the ladies but it isn’t about me. It’s about being with my favorite people.
Post # 11
The whole idea of a bridal shower just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Maybe it’s because I’m a first generation American so I didn’t really grow up with the concept of all these pre-wedding activities like engagement parties, bridal showers, and rehersal dinners. I didn’t even know what a bridal shower was until maybe six months ago. I personally just don’t get why I would want to have a party were people buy me things for my house. I already have a toaster and a blender.
They also just annoy me, I personally don’t care if anyone has one but I don’t get the weird logic were a bridal shower, whose express purpose is to “shower” you with gifts, isn’t “gift grabby” but if you quietly set up a honeymoon registry or a cash registry to put towards a new house, that doing that somehow is.
Post # 12
I was iffy about having a bridal shower too – I was overwhelmed at 50 plus individuals being invited. I was terrified about opening gifts in front of people. I was paranoid that all these people would end up having negative thoughts/opinions about me/my reactions to the gifts/our wedding, etc. I’m a VERY paranoid person.
And I mean when people started coming in there, I was completely lightheaded and thought I’d fall over. 30ish people ended up coming in all at once and I had NO idea how to react. I’m pretty socially awkward so didn’t know if I should just stand back while everyone came in or if I was supposed to go around and hug every single person and thank them for coming.
So after the first 15 minutes being almost unbearable, I actually surprised myself and started enjoying it. The people that showed up (although quite a large amount to be opening presents in front of) were all people that I love and care about. It was a great night, lots of good food and tons of fun. Of course, most of my family members LOVE showers. When there’s one in the family, everyone gets so excited, lol.
But I definitely can see why people wouldn’t want one.
Post # 13
I thought I wanted one, but recently I attended a friend’s baby shower, and just to see her sit up there opening all those gifts…it made me think about how awkward I would feel. I mean, for goodness sakes she’s MAKING a person – if anybody deserves gifts, it’s her! And even she looked a little deer-in-headlights. Why should I deserve a bunch of stuff just for getting married?
So, I’m on the fence. I think it could be fun, but it could also be horrific. 50/50 lol
Post # 14
I’m not having one even though friends totally want to throw me one. Even FI was finally like, “Can you have one just to make them happy?” Um no. 1) These ladies that want to host it are not super rich or anything, so they don’t need to waste their money on this. 2) I feel awkward being the center of attention like this and oohing and aahing over gifts from people. 3) Showers are awkward in that the person who gave a small, cheap gift (because they are struggling financially) feels bad bc everyone else brought a huge, lavish gift. 4) People are already spending money on our wedding gift. Why should they feel obligated to get another one?
Post # 15
@lilbluebird: I definitely felt awkward opening gifts in front of people. But no one, besides my grandparents, gave me both a shower gift and wedding gift. If they attended the shower, they gave me a gift and none at the wedding. That’s pretty much the norm around here from the weddings/showers I’ve been to.
Is it actually common for people who have given a gift at a shower to be expected to give a gift at the wedding as well?? That seems COMPLETELY ridiculous.
Post # 16
@dayl20: Really? Around here and in my circle, we give two gifts – one shower, one wedding. The shower gift is just from the guest at the shower and the wedding gift is from both FI and me. Usually, the shower gift is something smaller that is more decorative in nature, like something that’s nice to have but not necessary – vase, picture frame, decorative art piece, whatever. Usually it’s a pricier decorative item. Most recently, I got the bride a $60 picture frame from her registry and later FI and I got them a wedding gift. As one friend puts it, you buy something that looks like she specifically picked out. You can see her picking out a frame/vase but you can see the two of them picking out like drinking glasses or something.